


The Blind Leading The Blind

by loganmai



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Blind Character, Cancer, Complete, M/M, Other, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-04 09:06:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 45,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10987761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loganmai/pseuds/loganmai
Summary: Frank's a troubled high school senior struggling through his finals with his best friend and part-time guide, Mikey. When Frank runs into Mikey's older brother (literally) will they hit it off?My world is very black. Lots of fucking black.But I can see things in other ways. I notice people's habits and emotions through their voice, I can tell them apart by their footsteps.Mikey tells me His hair is red. I know what red looks like, or I did, but the memory is fading. What remains stuck in my mind is the way red made me feel.It's a passionate color, angry and loud and anything but timid.It seems odd to me, as I reflect, that I met Gerard with this color as an overtone. He's passionate, for sure. But not angry, not loud.Not most of the time, anyway.





	1. Red

I felt the air get colder as I stepped outside. It was raining a little, spitting on my face, but the rain smelled of springtime and growing things. I smiled to myself and walked down the library steps, ignoring the chatter of students around me. I heard my name suddenly and stopped.  
“Frank?”  
I didn't move, leaning on my cane as the footsteps came closer. “Hello Mikey.”  
He chuckled and took my arm, helping me down the remaining steps. “Hey. How are you today?”  
“I'm good,” I chuckled, letting my cane swing in front of me out of habit. “Are we still on for tonight?”  
“Hell fucking yes. Pizza and shitty horror films.”  
“Nice.”  
I didn't watch tv much, not unless I was with my friend. He was the only one kind enough to explain it to me.  
“Just a warning, my half brother will be there. He's in university and he can be kinda grumpy sometimes, so just watch out.”  
“Watch. Haha,” I grinned. Mikey laughed softly and I heard the bus wheels squeak. “Yep. Wasn't meant to be a joke, sorry.”  
“My bus is here.”  
“Yeah, I have eyes.”  
“Whatever,” I snapped, shoving his shoulder as I climbed the bus steps.  
“I'll see you later!” Mikey called just before the doors closed behind me and I made my way to an empty seat. I untangled my earbuds and jammed them into my ears, turning up the volume as I folded my cane up and tucked it away. It wasn't far to home, and I knew how many stops I was away. 

I walked to Mikey's a few hours later, having finished all my homework. I'd taken that walk a few times before, and the GPS on my phone was really good if I cranked up the volume through my earbuds. I knocked on the door and Mikey's mom swung it open. “Hey, Frank!”  
“Hi, Mrs. Way,” I smiled, folding my cane up and slipping it into the pocket of my backpack.  
“If Mikey had told me you were coming, I could have picked you up!”  
I shook my head, smiling. I could smell pizza and cinnamon rolls from the kitchen and it was driving me nuts. “It's okay, Mrs. Way. I'm good at finding my way.”  
“Well, Mikey's in the living room, so if you want you can head straight in. He’ll get you a plate.”  
I nodded, taking my shoes off carefully and heading through the house confidently. I sat down next to my friend, who punched my shoulder lightly. “Hey, Frankie! You hungry?”  
“Very,” I said softly, and he sighed, squeezing my shoulder.  
“I'll make sure you get some packed for you, okay?”  
“Thanks,” I murmured, feeling the cushions shift as he got up.  
I soon had a plate in my hands, my head resting on Mikey's shoulder as he talked me through another terrible movie. I leaned forward after I'd finished, setting the plate down on the table. “I need to pee, I'll be back in a second.”  
Mikey nodded, rubbing my back briefly. “Do you remember where the bathroom is?”  
I nodded, grabbing my cane quickly. “Yeah, I've got this. Thanks.”  
I headed off down the hall, using the cane to avoid any nasty surprises. I had just about reached the bathroom door when I heard a different door slam and someone collided with me, sending me to the ground. I yelped softly, landing with my weight on my wrist awkwardly.  
“Jesus, get out the fucking-” the voice cut off and I heard footsteps in the background. “Shit. You're Frank, right? Mikey's blind friend?”  
“Gerard, what the fuck?”  
I felt the vibrations as Mikey knelt down behind me, carefully helping me up. “Is anything hurt?” He asked me quietly. I tested my wrist and hissed. “Fuck.”  
“Shit, I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking, I..”  
Mikey sighed softly. “It's fine, Gerard. Just...give us a minute, okay?”  
I heard retreating footsteps and Mikey carefully dragged me to my feet. “Is everything else okay?”  
I nodded a little shakily and he gently steered me through a doorway. “Here. The toilet’s right behind you, I'll just head out and shut the door. I'll wait for you down the hallway, okay?”  
“Okay.”  
I sorted myself out and washed my hands before leaving the bathroom quietly. “Where's my cane?” I asked Mikey, still a little shaky.  
“Gerard broke it.” Mikey's voice was dull and sad, usually an indication that he was about to cry.  
“I have spares.”  
“Okay.”  
I stepped forward, managing to get his shoulder on the second try. “It's okay, Mikes. I just sprained my wrist, it's nothing.”  
I heard footsteps again and shifted uncomfortably.  
“Hey, Frank,” came Gerard's voice, a little tentative. “I uh..” He took my hand carefully, wrapping an ice pack around my wrist. “You should alternate that with a hot one every few minutes. Mikey will find you the hot one...are you alright? Did you hit your head?”  
I took a deep breath. “I'm okay. It's not the first time.”  
Mikey giggled nervously. “I've knocked him over twice.”  
“What a terrible friend,” Gerard came back quickly, a smile in his voice. “You should ditch him, Frank.”  
I chuckled and shrugged. “Then who else would buy me food?”  
There was an uncomfortable pause and Gerard shifted. “If you need anything, let me know. I'm training to be a nurse..”  
“Yeah, training,” Mikey teased, but gently.  
“Pssh. I still know more than google,” Gerard laughed, squeezing my shoulder. “I'm sorry again, yeah? Have a fun evening.”  
He brushed past me and Mikey gently led me in the other direction, sitting me down and starting the movie again. I laid my head on his shoulder, barely listening to everything Mikey was telling me. After a while, I sat up.  
“What does Gerard look like?”  
Mikey hummed softly as he thought. “He's a little taller than me because he's older, but he's more...stocky? I guess? I dunno, he's not weirdly skinny like me anyways. He's got this bright red hair that comes down to his jaw, a little further. It's undercut, a pretty cool style. He's got hazel eyes like mine and he's got a more round face. I suppose he's fairly handsome.”  
“But not as much as you,” I chuckled. Mikey grinned, I felt it.  
“No, of course not. He's also not as handsome as you.”  
That shut me up, it always did. Mikey and I understood one another. He was straight and I was gay. There wasn't a whole lot of discussion about it, except the first time Mikey had complimented me. He'd explained that he thought I needed it, that I seemed unhappy with myself and he wanted me to be more confident. He'd also said that he wasn't ‘a pussy’ and his masculinity wasn't ‘that fragile.’ We'd laughed, but I'd thanked him afterwards, properly.  
“D’you want a cinnamon roll?” Mikey asked softly. I nodded slightly.  
“Just a small one, thanks.”  
“Alright. I'll be right back.”  
I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and pulled it out just as Mikey got up. I unlocked it and pressed play on the message, holding the phone to my ear.  
“Won't be home tonight. See you tomorrow evening. Mum.”  
I let the phone slip from my fingers and buried my face in my hands.  
“Frank? I brought you one without raisins, I-...oh. Is everything okay?”  
I lifted my head slightly and shrugged. I heard the plates being set down and Mikey sat next to me, rubbing my shoulders. I handed him my phone and he read the message quickly.  
“Oh, Frank. I'm sorry. Is it..?”  
“The third night this week,” I said quietly, sniffing.  
“Well, fuck her,” Mikey mumbled, stroking my hair slowly. “You should stay here tonight, I worry about you on your own.”  
“You sound like your mum,” I laughed, feeling the hot tears running down my cheeks.  
“I know, I know,” Mikey chuckled, drying my eyes with the sleeves of his shirt. “But you're always welcome here.”

Mikey squeezed my hand lightly. “Get some good rest, Frank.”  
I rolled over on the couch, tugging the blanket over me. “You too.”  
I heard the light switch flick off and buried my face in the blanket. It smelled of Mikey's home, of freshly baked things and coziness. It smelled of family to me. I loved the ratty old couch, the rough rug, and the shelves that rattled when a car went past outside. The living room of the Way household was my home.  
I was just drifting off with the scent of belonging clinging to me, when I heard the front door open and shut. I sat up nervously. “Who's there?”  
“Frank?” Gerard called out in a whisper. “Keep it down.”  
I heard him walk to me and leaned away slightly. “I've just been out for a couple drinks with my friends, I'm just heading to bed. What are you doing here?”  
“My mum isn't coming home tonight,” I answered shortly. “So your mum said I could stay here.”  
“Okay. You look exhausted, try and get some sleep. I can help you if you feel unable..”  
I shook my head, laying back down and curling up. “I'm fine.”  
Gerard sighed and I heard rustling, assuming he was taking a coat off. “Can I see your wrist?”  
His voice was in front of me now. I held my hand out a little shakily, feeling him take it and hold it carefully. He gently pressed on my wrist, testing it and feeling around the bones. I whimpered a few times and he sighed. “You should take that to the doctor, Frank. I think you might need a brace on it for a few days.”  
“I'll be fine,” I said quickly. Gerard rubbed my upper arm slowly. “Well, I think you should go, but I can't make you,” he murmured kindly. “Goodnight, Frank.”  
I heard him stand up and walk out of the room, relaxing only when I heard his bedroom door open and close.


	2. Black

Mikey gently shook me awake, calling to me. “Frank, we’ve got pancakes, wake up!”  
I groaned and batted his hands away. “God, you're loud.”  
He laughed and pushed my legs down as I sat up, then took the seat next to me quickly. “Hah. Now you have to get up.”  
I rolled my eyes and grinned at him, leaning my head on his shoulder like I always did.  
“Gerard wanted to spend some time with you to make up for yesterday or something. Would you be okay with that?”  
I frowned slightly. “Depends on what he wants to do.”  
“He said he'd take you out for lunch.”  
I shrugged and glanced at Mikey. “I guess that's okay. Is it like a date?” I joked, giggling.  
Mikey didn't laugh. “He's four years older than you, Frank. He's 21, you weirdo.”  
“But you said he's cute,” I teased, hugging my friend’s arm.  
“Mhm. Sure. I don't think you'd like him like that, Frank,” Mikey mumbled, heaving a sigh. I frowned and poked his cheek lightly. “I'll stop teasing you. Sorry.”  
Mikey hugged me carefully. “Don't be sorry. Just...you know that I worry about you, Frank.”  
I smiled as I pulled away. “I've had guys before,” I said quietly. Mikey rubbed my forearm gently. “I know you have, but Gerard is different.”  
I tilted my head to the side. “How so?”  
He sighed again. “I can't tell you, but I don't think...I don't think you'd like him, Frank. Okay?”  
I nodded slightly and carefully felt the side of Mikey's face before leaning in and kissing his cheek softly. “Okay. I'm hungry, though, and pancakes were mentioned?”  
Mikey smiled and got up. “Okay, but you need to take a shower first.”  
I pulled a face and he stroked my hair lightly. “I know your hot water hasn't been working, Frank.”  
I sighed and grabbed at his hand gently. “But you don't have handrails.”  
“Yes we do. I can go show you if you like.”  
I nodded slightly and Mikey helped me up, walking me down the hall slowly. “Do you want to borrow some clean clothes?”  
I bit my lip harshly. “Mikey, I don't wanna impose..”  
“It's fine, really. I think some of my stuff should fit you.”  
I sighed and rubbed one eye. “If it's not too much trouble.”  
“Of course not,” Mikey hummed, walking me into the bathroom and over to the tub. He took one of my hands, pressing it against the side of the tub. “Here, are you okay to check it out yourself if I go grab those clothes?”  
I nodded and felt around as Mikey hurried off. I managed to find the handrails and smiled to myself. They were in almost the same place as the ones in my shower, so they wouldn't be too hard to find.  
Mikey touched my back lightly, making me jump. “Sorry, Frank. I'm gonna set these clothes by the door, the towel rack is behind you, yeah? There's four bottles on the shelf, the one on the right is the shampoo, the one on the very left is body wash. Leave the door unlocked and shout if you need anything. Be careful.”  
I nodded and heard the door click behind him. I undressed quickly and turned the shower on, stepping in under the spray. It felt amazing, the hot water coursing down my back and washing everything away. I felt like I could finally get clean again, and by the time I toweled off, I was grinning to myself. I managed to find the clean clothes and figure them out, slipping them on carefully. “Fuck..” I mumbled, fiddling with the button of the jeans shakily. My wrist still hurt, and my fingers were a little stiff, but I managed to get the button and the fly done up eventually. I lifted the shirt off the floor and found the label to make sure it was the right way round before slipping it on over my head. It didn't smell right. I buried my face in the fabric, taking a deep breath. The shirt didn't smell of Mikey.  
That was one thing that the loss of my sight had given me. New senses, or at least new depth to the senses I already had. I had realized that every person had a smell of their own, a mixture of laundry detergent and the smell of their house, of course with the addition of some bodily odours. Mikey always smelled sharp and clean, but with undertones of warmth. This shirt had the warmth to it, but less sharp and with a hint of what I assumed to be lavender. It smelled good.  
I gathered up my dirty clothes and managed to shove them into my bag before standing up and stepping out of the bathroom. “Mikey?”  
“In the living room!” He called back. I shuffled slowly, a little uncertain without the help of my cane.  
“Hey,” Mikey said as I stepped from the carpeted corridor onto the wood floor. I stepped sideways, back onto carpet again and into the living room. I felt for the couch and sat down next to Mikey, smiling as he rubbed my back.  
“Feel better?”  
I nodded quickly. “Yes, thanks. A lot. Um...whose shirt is this?”  
Mikey paused, tugging at the hem of it lightly. “It was in my closet, but I think it's Gerard’s. I don't think he’ll mind, it's an old one.”  
I blinked. “You said he was grumpy but he seems nice to me.”  
“Yeah, he can be sweet, I just think the stress of uni gets on top of him a lot. I was just warning you in case he did something mean or stupid.”  
I chuckled and leaned my head on Mikey's shoulder. “What's the time?”  
“It's ten, do you want those pancakes?”  
I nodded quickly and Mikey got up, squeezing my shoulder as he left. 

Gerard steered me to his car carefully, one hand on my shoulder. “I promise not to kidnap you.”  
“Oh, that's good news,” I giggled, almost tripping over something, but getting caught by Gerard.  
“I'm sorry...I'm sorry if I come off as ignorant or unhelpful or anything today...I'm just not really used to having blind people around, I-”  
I shook my head quickly, holding onto his arm. “No, it's okay, Gerard. I'm used to it and I understand. No one gets everything right on the first try.”  
Gerard sighed quietly and I heard a car door open near me. “Here, let me help you in..”  
I let Gerard steer me, slightly embarrassed. “I guess I should apologize in advance as well,” I mumbled as he buckled my seatbelt for me. “I can be a huge nuisance.”  
Gerard chuckled softly and I felt his warm fingers against my cheek briefly. “Don't worry, I really don't mind.”  
He shut the door for me and got in behind the wheel. “Mikey told me you were a veggie, so I thought I'd take you to this really nice place I know that does amazing salads, would you like that?”  
I nodded enthusiastically, looking across the car towards Gerard's voice. “That sounds awesome, but I'm honestly kind of confused why you wanted to take me out anyway.”  
Gerard sighed again and started the car. “Well. I was kind of a jerk yesterday evening and I wanted to apologize.”  
“You already did,” I pointed out, leaning back in my seat.  
“I know...but I didn't feel like it was enough. Besides...you seem really cool and I'd like to get to know you a little better.”  
I felt the blush creep up my neck and smiled. “Thanks.”  
“So what does your world look like?”  
I cleared my throat, smiling slightly. “Uh. Black?”  
Gerard chuckled, turning the car down a side road. “Okay, stupid question. But I mean, you seem fairly confident and stuff.”  
I took a deep breath, staring straight ahead. “Well, a better question would be what does my world feel like. When you get to know people, you understand when they're smiling, you pick up cues in their voice. I can feel changes in the air, like when I go from a small corridor to a big open room, I can usually feel it. I can smell things a lot better, and things taste...more. See, I wasn't born blind, so I experienced the world long enough to know what, say, the color red looks like. I can picture it. I know how it feels. So when Mikey tells me something is red, I understand.”  
“I get it. So you're more in tune with other things?”  
I smiled to myself, running a hand through my hair. “I like to think so.”  
Gerard laughed quietly. “Y’know, I used to think that about myself. That I was in tune with the world.”  
I chuckled and wriggled back into my seat, stretching my arms. “Mhm. Maybe you are, more than other people. But probably not as much as me.”  
“I love the smell of spring rain, and I love pouring milk into coffee and watching the effect. I don't know, maybe it's stupid..” Gerard trailed off, sounding lost.  
“It's not,” I hummed, settling back. “Some people are more in tune. Some people pay more attention to the world. I'm not sure I'd notice things like I do without being blind. I don't think I'd care.”  
“That's kind of sad.”  
“Yes, I think so too. That you have to destroy something to bring out something beautiful. Mind you, it's not all roses.”  
Gerard laughed again and I felt the car slow. “I guess not. I don't think I could stand it.”  
“It takes some getting used to.”  
“A lot of things do. We’re here, would you like to go in?”  
I nodded quickly. “Yeah, I'm kinda hungry.”  
Gerard smiled. “Okay, you wait there, I'll come help you out.”  
I ignored him, unbuckling my seatbelt and jumping out of the car before he could come and hold the door for me. He touched my shoulder lightly and I grinned. “I don't need a Prince Charming,” I joked, looking towards where I assumed him to be.  
“No, I suppose not,” Gerard murmured, his voice quiet and a little sad. “Would you want a prince or a princess?”  
I grinned and touched his hand, running my fingers down to find his arm and take it. “Hmm. Prince, definitely. You?”  
“Either,” Gerard chuckled, walking me up a path. “I'm not picky. There's a step here, be careful.”  
I nodded, testing the height with one foot before stepping up. “I wish I wasn't so picky, it would make things a lot easier.”  
“At least looks wouldn't matter so much,” Gerard joked, steadying me carefully before walking on.  
I grinned and shook my head. “I dunno about that. I'm still kinda picky. I like long hair and I don't really like big muscles. I suppose that's still more about feel, though. Like your skin is very soft, not rough and dry. I prefer soft.”  
Gerard hesitated before speaking again. “So not manly men?”  
I giggled and shook my head again. “I guess not.”  
He hummed softly and let go of my arm, putting a hand on the small of my back. “Here, just take a couple steps, I'm holding the door.”  
I walked into the lobby, waiting patiently as Gerard came back to my side and took my arm again. He walked me a few more steps forward. “We have a table in the name of Way,” he said quietly and I heard the hostess reply.  
“Sure, it's that one right over there, menus are on the table.”  
I tightened my grip on Gerard’s arm slightly, nervous. “Do you have a Braille menu?” I asked shakily, and felt Gerard tense slightly.  
“I'm afraid not, I'm very sorry.”  
“It's okay,” I smiled, glancing up at Gerard. “Let's head over, you can read it to me.”  
Gerard walked me to the table and helped me sit down, then took the chair across from me. “You can read Braille? That's pretty cool.”  
I shrugged, a little embarrassed by the whole thing. “I guess. It's the only way I can really get through school.”  
Gerard shifted, his chair creaking. “Sorry, that was kind of a stupid thing to say, huh?”  
I smiled slightly, noticing how uncomfortable he sounded. “Not really. It's just that I don't find things I'm really used to very cool, I guess.”  
“Makes sense,” Gerard answered, clearing his throat. “So what do you like to do when you're not at school?”  
I shrugged again and looked down, dragging a finger down the laminated surface of the menu. “Well, I listen to audiobooks a lot, cause I like stories and things like that. I used to play guitar a lot, but I haven't in a while.”  
“Oh, why's that?” Gerard asked and I didn't lift my head, taking a deep breath. It was an innocent question that deserved a calm and simple answer.  
“My dad taught me how, and um...he died a couple years ago, I haven't really had the heart to pick it back up since.”  
Gerard shifted again and I heard him take a deep breath as well. “My dad passed away when I was a kid, too,” he said softly. “I understand what you mean.”  
I lifted my head quickly, blinking a couple times. “Really?”  
Gerard chuckled humorlessly, and I heard his jacket rustle as he moved. “Yeah, um. He actually killed himself when I was fourteen. So seven years ago now.”  
“Oh..” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes and looking down again. “I'm sorry.”  
“How did um…how did your dad die?” Gerard asked a little awkwardly, sounding uncomfortable again.  
“He had cancer,” I sighed, resting my forehead on my hand and my elbow on the table. “He was sick for a couple years.”  
“I'm very sorry, Frankie.”  
I took another shaky breath and sat back. “It was a while ago now. So what looks good on the menu?”

Gerard was fairly quiet while we ate, but as soon as our plates were cleared, he quickly became chatty again. “So how’d you meet Mikey? He doesn't talk about you much. Well, he doesn't talk to me that much anyway..”  
I smiled to myself and shrugged. “We met in class, before I lost my sight, so I met him when I was about nine, I think. We were kind of friends for a while, and then really hit it off again in high school, when we had another class together. We had a deal where he got to use the notes I got written for me in English if he helped me with my math homework.”  
Gerard chuckled and leaned back in his chair. “Sounds like Mikey. He tricked me into writing an essay for him once.”  
I tilted my head slightly. “But you haven't always lived together, right?”  
“No, you're right. I moved back in after my father passed, and I was there for a few years, but I had some problems with bullying in high school, so I switched schools and went to live with my grandmother for a while. I had a gap year before university cause I was kind of off the rails for a while, drugs and alcohol and stuff, but I got on track after that year and got myself to uni, and I've been living on campus or with Mum since.”  
I put my elbows on the table and leaned my chin on my hands, smiling slightly. “Off the rails, huh? Mikey never said anything about that.”  
Gerard shifted again, and I could feel how uneasy he was. He was dancing around something, something he didn't want me to know. “Yeah. It started with parties and drinking too much and smoking weed and kinda ended in heroin.”  
Well, he was open about his drug habits, so what could it be? What was so much worse than heroin?  
I blinked. “Did you go through rehab?”  
Gerard sighed. “No, Mum couldn't afford it, cause the hospital bill after my overdose was huge. But my grandmother was actually a doctor when she was working, so she kept an eye on me through withdrawals and stuff. I still go to NA meetings, and I got my three year chip a few weeks ago.”  
I nodded, smiling at him in what I hoped was an encouraging way. “Congrats, that's awesome. I don't think I could do that by myself.”  
Gerard chuckled softly. “Well, I had a lot of incentive and the reason I started drinking in the first place kinda...resolved itself.”  
There it was. The elephant in the room, the reason Gerard started drinking.  
“So why did you end up so bad? What was it that you were running away from?”  
Gerard hesitated and then sighed again. He shifted and the chair creaked as he leaned forward, touching one of my hands lightly. “I like you, Frank. You're very kind and sweet and cute, but I don't talk about it much, and certainly not to people I've just met. I'm sorry.”  
I smiled slightly and reached out, my fingertips brushing his cheek. “That's okay. I understand, Gerard.”  
He leaned back suddenly and I blinked, feeling like something had vanished. “I'll take you home now, yeah? I think Mikey's expecting you back soon.”  
I nodded, standing up carefully. “Thank you so much for this, it's been really nice,” I said, smiling up at him. I knew he was taller than me, I could tell by the angle at which he held my arm to guide me.  
By the time we got back to the car, Gerard seemed to have relaxed, helping me in and buckling my seatbelt for me before getting in himself.  
“Can I see your phone?”  
I blinked, tugging it out of my pocket. “Yeah, why?”  
He chuckled softly. “Because I want to put my number in it. Can you unlock it please?”  
I did so carefully, smiling to myself as he took the phone out of my hand.  
“I know you have Mikey and I know he's a great friend to you, but if you ever need to talk or just want a chat, I'm here for you, okay? I'm fairly busy so it might take me a while to reply, but I will eventually.”  
Gerard put the phone back in my hand. “I put my number down as Gee because if you say ‘call Gerard’ it gets confused. At least, Mikey’s does.”  
I giggled softly. “I suppose it's an unusual name.”  
He started the car as I put my phone away. “It's French, I think? I don't know, I don't really care.”  
I smiled, letting my head fall back against the headrest. “It's cute. I like it.”  
Gerard hesitated. “Are you flirting with me, Frank?” He sounded stern, but I could also hear the smile.  
“I have been this whole time,” I laughed, running a hand through my hair. “First because it was fun, and now more because I think you're a really nice guy.”  
“Well, I'm not always that nice,” Gerard hummed, then went quiet.  
I leaned over, rolling the window down and sticking my hand out.  
“What’re you doing?” He laughed, reaching over and squeezing my shoulder.  
“I like to know how fast we’re going and I just like the feeling,” I smiled. “It's like the air is hugging my hand.”  
“You're weird,” Gerard grinned, letting his hand slip from my shoulder. “But fair enough.”  
I smiled and pulled my hand back into the car, rolling the window up again.  
The car slowed to a stop and Gerard's seatbelt clicked as the engine turned off. “We’re back. Are you staying for a while?”  
I sighed and nodded. “Yeah, Mikey wants me to help him with some work. We have finals coming up...y’know. It sucks.”  
“I'm sorry, Frank, I've already been through mine, thank god. I'm sure you’ll do just fine.”  
I got out of the car, starting to walk up the steps to the house. Gerard hurried up to me, supporting me as I slipped through the front door. He pulled me back gently before I could walk off. “Hey. I have to go to work, so I'll see you another time, okay?”  
I bit my lip and smiled quickly. “Okay. Thanks for lunch.”  
“No problem,” he chuckled, leaning in and kissing my cheek briefly. “Have a good day.”  
I listened to him walk off, then slipped inside and shut the door behind me quietly. 

Mrs. Way took me home after dinner, dropping me off at the end of the driveway. “Are you okay going in?”  
I smiled and nodded. “I'll be okay. Thanks so much.”  
She ruffled my hair. “Okay. Sleep well, hon.”  
I got out of the car, waving before heading up the driveway to the front door. It took me a while to unlock the door, but I managed it, walking inside and humming to myself as I went upstairs, dumping my backpack on the floor. I unzipped it and took out a box, opening it. Mikey had packed it with tons of food, crisps, sandwiches, and even a couple pastries. I tugged one of the crisp packets out and set it aside before crawling half under the bed. I opened the little mini fridge I’d hidden there and tucked the sandwiches inside, then put the lid back on the box and left it next to the fridge. I got up carefully, zipping my backpack back up before starting to get changed for bed. My phone buzzed and I grabbed it from my jean pocket, pressing the button to play the text message out loud. “Mikey: Gerard said he gave you his number, what the fuck?”  
I smiled and rolled my eyes. “Text Mikey, I don't know, he just gave it to me. He said in case I needed him, I kind of told him about my dad and stuff.”  
I put my phone on my desk and walked downstairs again, grabbing the remote for the tv and turning it on. There were a couple shows I could watch without Mikey’s help, so I put an episode from one of them on, sitting down on the couch happily. I liked lazy moments like this, just time for me to relax and unwind, without having to focus as much. Conversations were exhausting to me, trying to interpret all the cues in someone’s voice and figure out what nonverbal cues they were giving. Mikey wasn't so bad, not anymore. But people like Gerard, that I barely knew were much more uncomfortable for me. I hated missing things.  
I heard the door open and quickly turned the tv off. “Hi Mom,” I called out quietly, folding my hands in my lap. Her footsteps came closer and she was standing over me, I could feel it.  
“Come here.”  
I got up, my fingers trembling as I walked around the couch to stand in front of her. The slap came out of nowhere and almost spun me. I grabbed at my cheek, taking deep breaths and trying to ignore the stinging pain.  
“I came back here to get something I’d forgotten and you weren’t home. Where the fuck were you?”  
I swallowed hard, taking a shaky step back. “I was at Mikey’s, he let me stay over.”  
“Of course he did. Did you fuck him?”  
I wanted to run, but knew I’d probably slip or trip or run into a wall. “No. He’s straight, he’s not-”  
“I don’t care what he is, I know you’re a fag.”  
She was dismissive now, and I heard her walking away. “Go to bed, Frank.”


	3. Slate

I woke up a little early in the morning, packing a lunch solely from my mini fridge and the stash Mikey had given me. My phone beeped and I turned the volume down before holding it to my ear and pressing play. “Gee: Mikey gave me this number, I hope it’s right. Just thought I’d test it out.”   
I smiled to myself and tucked my phone in my jean pocket before slipping my coat on. I swung my backpack onto my shoulders and started down the stairs, trying to be as quiet as possible. I managed to get out of the house without waking my mother, hurrying down the street to the bus stop. I fumbled with my earbuds, jamming them into my ears and cranking up whatever came first. 

Mikey was waiting for me in our usual spot, the wall near the south entrance. I walked over and sat down, holding my cane between my knees as I slipped my backpack off and set it down.   
“Morning.”   
I glanced at Mikey. “Sorry,” I mumbled, looking down. “Not really in a good mood.”   
Mikey shifted and his arm fell across my shoulders. “What’s wrong, Frankie? Everything okay?”   
I shrugged and rubbed the side of my face. “I guess. Just tired mostly. I think I woke up on the wrong side of the bed or something.”   
I could smell the free breakfast in the cafeteria from here, and it was making my stomach growl, but the school told me my mom had too much money for me to qualify for the free meals. Mikey had tried to figure something out, but it never worked. The school board just didn’t seem to get it. Surely it wasn’t that hard to understand?  
The bell cut through my thoughts and Mikey touched my arm lightly. “I’ll see you back here at lunch, okay? Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”   
“Thanks,” I mumbled, flashing him a brief fake smile as he got up. I listened to him walk away for a few steps before picking up my backpack and cane and heading out. 

I got a text in between two classes, and switched my music off to let it play. Instead of the automated woman’s voice I was used to, Gerard’s slightly nasal but somehow soothing voice played through my headphones.   
“Hey. I just discovered voice text messages. It’s a little weird. But Mikey said you seemed upset, so I thought I’d give it a try. He seems to think I can help, but I’m not really sure how.” He chuckled quietly before going on. “If you text me, maybe you can give me some ideas on how to make you feel better. You’re not alone in this world, Frankie, don’t forget that.”  
I smiled to myself, switching my music back on. Maybe Gerard was going to be a little more important to me than I’d thought. 

I got to our spot at lunch before Mikey did, so I tugged out my phone and pressed the button. “Text Gee. I like ice cream.”   
I hummed as I heard the text sent tone and unzipped my backpack, rummaging around until I found my lunch. I was just opening the box when Mikey ran over. “Sorry, I was talking to Hayley and lost track of time.”   
I looked up and smiled. “No biggie. Gerard texted me again.”   
“Oh? What’d he have to say?”   
“He said you were worried about me.”   
Mikey hesitated as I unwrapped my sandwich from the ziploc bag.   
“Yeah, I am,” he answered at last, almost defiantly. “You’ve seemed really down for a couple weeks now, and I know you’re usually such a positive person. Am I not enough?”  
I giggled softly and shook my head. “You sound like an old wife when she finds out her husband has been cheating on her. Of course you’re enough, Mikey. You’re my best friend and you do so much for me already. It’s hard to imagine you doing more for me. It’s not your fault and it’s not something you can fix. I’ll be okay.”  
“If you say so,” Mikey sighed, then rubbed my shoulder. “Your phone is buzzing, you should get that.”   
I nodded, picking it up and answering the call. “Hello?”   
“Hey,” Gerard said softly. “I thought this might be easier than texting. You’re on your lunch break, right?”   
“Yes, I am. Are you stalking me now? Should I be scared?”   
Gerard laughed and I could hear some kind of rustling. I hated talking on the phone, but I couldn’t tell him now. “No, I just wondered if you wanted me to pick you up after school. I could take you for ice cream and we could talk?”   
I smiled to myself, ducking my head. “Mhm. That would be great. I’ll uh. I’ll wait outside the library. I gotta go...I’ll see you then.”   
I hung up and Mikey punched my shoulder. “I’m glad you guys get along.”   
I glanced at him and sighed. “I thought you didn’t like me flirting with him and stuff.”   
Mikey chuckled and leaned into me a little. “It’s slightly weird. But he’s a good guy, and so are you.”   
I blinked. “He told me about his drug problem.”   
Mikey hesitated. “It’s not a problem anymore, I-”   
“No, I know,” I smiled, tilting my head. “I don’t judge him for that. I just wonder why he started drinking in the first place?”   
He sighed and rubbed my shoulder lightly. “Frankie, I can’t tell you that. It’s very personal to him and he should be the one to tell you.”   
I nodded and ran a hand through my hair. “Okay. I guess he wasn’t ready to tell me.”   
Mikey kissed my cheek and hugged me gently. “I guess not.”   
He pulled away after a few seconds and hummed to himself as I started to eat my sandwich.   
“You know that kid Brianne?”   
“Mhm,” I hummed, nodding. “In honors arts. She seems nice.”   
“Well,” Mikey went on slowly, as if telling me something he was scared to. “She changed her name to Ben. He says he’s going to start T soon.”   
I smiled and opened my packet of crisps. “Awesome. I’m glad for him, that’s a hard thing to do.”   
“Really?” Mikey asked, seeming surprised. I turned my head towards him.   
“Of course,” I answered, frowning slightly. “You didn’t think I was transphobic or something?”   
Mikey leaned against me. “No, no. I just...I dunno. Would you date Ben?”   
I shrugged him off. “Mikey, what’s this about? Ben has a girlfriend.”   
He sat up quickly. “Nothing. I was just curious. Can I have some crisps?”   
I handed him the packet. “They’re yours anyway, dude.”


	4. Aqua

I had said goodbye to Mikey about ten minutes ago, and was sitting on the steps now, tapping my cane on the stone. I wasn’t good at waiting, I didn’t have much patience. But I couldn’t get Mikey’s question out of my head. Would I date Ben? He had been going somewhere with that, but I couldn’t quite connect the dots, and it was niggling at me.   
“Frank?”   
I lifted my head, smiling slightly. Footsteps were coming towards me, up the steps. Gerard sat down next to me, his shoulder brushing mine. “Hey.”   
“Hi,” I hummed, looking down again. His fingers brushed my sore cheek and I jerked away quickly, hissing.   
“Sorry, I um..”   
“It’s okay,” I said quickly, smiling sadly. “I just...I ran into a door last night and it still kinda hurts.”   
Gerard hummed, rubbing my back gently. “You haven’t got a bruise.”   
“It’s not that bad, it doesn’t hurt much.”   
He went silent, and I felt him studying me. “You’re stunning, y’know, Frank.”   
I blushed immediately and coughed awkwardly. “I uh...I honestly don’t know what I look like.”   
Gerard pulled me into a hug carefully, cradling my head with one hand. “You’re very handsome.”   
I buried my face in his warm neck, a surge of emotion suddenly overwhelming me. I had been keeping up a front all day and now here I was, safe in another man’s arms, and I could finally let it go. I started to cry, softly at first, but soon I was sobbing, my fingers twisting in the back of Gerard’s shirt as I clung to him. He rocked me slowly, but said nothing, just stroking my hair and letting me cry.   
After a while, I pulled away, burying my face in my hands. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry..”   
Gerard stroked my other cheek, shushing me gently. “Don’t be sorry, Frankie. We all need to cry sometimes. Come on, how about we get that ice cream?” He helped me up gently and took my backpack before placing my cane in one hand and taking the other. “Let’s go.” 

 

I licked the back of my spoon, causing Gerard to chuckle softly. “You are adorable.”   
I ignored the flush of my cheeks and rolled my eyes. “You’re the one flirting now.”   
“It makes you smile and Mikey gave me some good news today. I’m in a good mood.”   
I grinned and swallowed another spoonful of mint choc chip. “So you only find me cute when you’re in a good mood?”   
Gerard laughed again, tapping the end of my nose lightly. “Don’t be silly. I just meant that I never normally flirt with someone I met the day before.”  
“But I’m different, hmm?”  
“Very,” he smiled, fixing my hair carefully. “I’ve only ever really dated people older than me, and all but one of them were assholes, so..”   
“So I guess I am very different,” I smiled shyly, taking another spoonful.   
Gerard hummed, shifting in his seat. “Yes. I’ve also never dated a blind person before.”   
“Are we playing Never Have I Ever or having a human conversation?” I giggled teasingly, leaning back slightly.   
“Okay, okay. I have a real question for you. Why are you sad today? You’re laughing and smiling, but it doesn’t feel right. Something’s bothering you.”  
I ate another spoonful quickly, to give me time to think of a suitable half-lie. “I’m missing my dad a lot today,” I began. That wasn’t untrue. “My mom and I argue a lot now, I don’t think she’s really let go of him yet.”   
Gerard scooted his chair closer to mine and wrapped an arm around me. “I’m sorry, Frankie.”   
I shrugged and leaned into him slightly. “It’s not your fault, and you’re here for me.”   
“I know, but I understand how you feel. It’s hard when you’re still kind of grieving and it feels like the world keeps turning around you and no one understands.”   
I nodded slightly, rubbing my eyes quickly. “I don’t like being sad...so I try to be happy anyway, y’know?”  
Gerard nodded, brushing his knuckles over my cheek soothingly. “Yeah, you think that if you fake it long enough, it’ll come. But Frankie...I know it’s a huge cliche now and everything, but it really does get better. And I’m here to help you get through it.”  
I sniffed, leaning my head against his chest. “How’d your dad..?”   
He ran his fingers through my hair, hesitating. “You don’t have to tell me,” I mumbled quickly, feeling like I’d crossed a line.   
“No, I um. I was trying to get the words straight. He shot himself, and he didn’t leave a note or anything,” Gerard answered, his voice a little more raspy than usual. I hugged him quickly, leaning against his chest. “I’m sorry.”   
Gerard rested his chin on my head, playing with my hair. “I'm okay.”  
We sat there in silence for a while, then Gerard took a deep breath. “Your ice cream is melting, Frank. I think you should finish it soon.”  
I nodded, sitting up and taking a couple more bites. Gerard got up and I looked up at him in a slight panic. “Where are you going?”  
He kissed the top of my head. “Just the bathroom, Frank. I'll be back in a second, don't worry.”  
I relaxed back, blushing slightly. I hated it when people caught me overreacting. I didn't do it so much anymore, as I'd learned to be a little more calm about life, but I’d always been anxious about people leaving me, especially people leaving me in public places.   
I finished up my ice cream by the time Gerard came back, taking his chair again and rubbing my shoulder. “You finished?”  
I nodded slightly, ducking my head.   
“Oh Frank...how am I gonna cheer you up?”  
I smiled slightly and shrugged. “I don't know if you can, Gerard.”  
He sighed and leaned back. I listened to the bushes rustling for a while, then turned my face up to the sky. The sun was warm, but intermittent, so I assumed it was cloudy. It was somewhat windy, but the wind brought little chill with it. Gerard touched my cheek, making me jump.   
“Sorry, Frank,” he murmured. “I was just talking and I don't think you heard me.”  
I shook my head, turning to him. “No, I'm sorry.”  
“It's fine,” Gerard hummed, a smile in his voice again. “I said that I'm going to be moving soon, into a new apartment. Maybe you'll have to come and visit sometime.”  
I blushed and shrugged. “I'd like that.”  
Gerard hesitated again. “Frank, I want to make you happy, but I really don't know how.”  
I flashed him a sad smile. “I don't know either. I think I just need some more sleep.”  
“Should I take you home? You could have a nap?” Gerard suggested softly, placing his hand over mine.   
“I think I should go home anyway,” I murmured, turning away from him slightly. “My mom will want me home soon.”  
“Alright,” he smiled, kissing my forehead. “Let's go, then.”

 

Mikey leaned into me on the bus ride home. “Study time! Yay!”  
I rolled my eyes and leaned my head on the window. “God help us.”  
“That's not the attitude,” Mikey chuckled, grabbing his backpack as the bus stopped. “Come on.” He helped me off the bus and started walking me towards home. “You gotta be positive about finals.”  
“I'm just glad it's our last year,” I sighed, holding onto his hand tightly. He took my keys from the pocket of my backpack and unlocked the front door.   
“Me too. Everyone is, I think. I'm glad I'm gonna take a gap like Gerard did. I need to sort myself out.”  
I followed him inside, kicking my shoes off in the vicinity of the rack. “Mom?”  
I heard running footsteps and Mom stopped in front of me. “Why is he here?”  
I froze, taking a deep breath. “Mikey's here to study, I okay’d it with you earlier.”  
She took a sharp breath in. “I did nothing of the sort! The house is a mess, your room smells terrible! Mikey cannot come over today!”  
“We were gonna study,” I said calmly, standing my ground.   
Mikey touched my back lightly. “I can go, if um...if you want me to.”  
Mom took a step towards him. “Yes, I think you should.”  
I stepped sideways, blocking her as Mikey grabbed his backpack and put his shoes on. “I'm sorry, Frank,” he murmured, touching my shoulder lightly before he slipped out of the door, shutting it behind him with a quiet click.


	5. Black and Blue

~Gerard~   
Mikey nearly tripped over the flat carpet as he dashed into the house.   
“Mikey, shoes!” I snapped, noticing the mud he was tracking through the hall. He stopped and stared at me for a couple seconds, then started to untie his shoes.   
“What's wrong?” I asked, getting up from my chair to get something to clean the mud up with.   
“Frank's mom slapped him!”  
I froze, then turned to face Mikey slowly. “What?”  
He leaned back against the wall and slid down it, sitting on the floor. “I knew she was neglecting him, that's why I invite him over and buy him food and stuff, but I didn't know...I went over to study and he'd texted her asking if it was okay, I read the conversation. She said it was fine and everything, and then when we got there, she kicked me out and as I was leaving, I saw her hit him through the window.”  
I felt my fists clench as my mouth dried up. “Was he okay?”  
“I think so. She didn't knock him over.”  
I stared at the floor, blinking. “What should we do?”  
Mikey sighed and rubbed his eyes. “What can we do? He's not gonna tell me anything, and he loves her.”  
I sat down at the table again, not really looking at anything. I felt so sorry for Frank, scared and alone at home. He would never see any of the blows coming, he'd never be able to get out of the way in time. I scratched at the table with the nail of my index finger, chewing on my lip.   
“Gerard, don't do that,” Mikey sighed quietly, leaning his head back against the wall. “Mum would know what to do.”  
I shook my head quickly. “No, don't involve her. Not just yet. I want to talk to Frank about this.”  
“I'll try too,” Mikey mumbled, looking at me worriedly. “He’ll be okay, Gerard. I know you're scared and upset, but he knows how to handle himself.” 

I got out of my car, hurrying towards the figure. The rain was heavy and thick, hard to see through, but the cane was a giveaway. I broke into a run, catching his shoulder. “Frank!”  
He stopped dead, staring at the ground.   
“Frank, hon. I gotta talk to you, is there somewhere we can go?”  
He nodded, taking my hand carefully and walking me inside the building calmly. He sat me down in a side hallway, taking off his backpack before sitting on the floor and looking at me expectantly.   
“Frank, Mikey...Mikey said he got thrown out of your place last night...and he says he saw your mom slap you. Is that true?”  
Frank took his coat off, shaking the excess water off. “Yes,” he answered shortly.   
“What's going on? Are you alright?”  
“Yes.”  
The white sleeves of his shirt were soaked through, and I could see a dark bruise through the material. I grabbed his arm and rolled the sleeve up. “Frank, you have a huge bruise here!”  
“I fell down the stairs,” he said, jerking his arm away. “I have to go to class.”  
He got up, starting to gather his things. I jumped up and pulled him into a hug. “I'm here if you need anything, Frankie,” I murmured, squeezing him gently. He pulled away carefully and started off down the hall, his cane tapping the floor lightly. 

Mikey called me on his way home from school.   
“I tried to ask him and he just clammed up. He's coming over tonight for dinner, but he's not happy about it. He told me he fell down the stairs, but I don't believe it.”  
“It looks defensive to me,” I said quietly, starting to unpack a box. “Like he was holding his arms over his head, y’know?”  
Mikey took a deep breath. “I know you were against it before, but I think we need to tell Mum. I know you're an adult and everything, but this needs like...a real adult. With experience.”  
“Yeah, okay. I'll come over for dinner as well, I think Frank needs all the friends he can get right now, poor thing.”  
Mikey paused. “Gee?”  
“Yeah?”  
“Do you like him?”  
I took a minute to think about it, humming quietly. “Yes, I do. It's just a little crush right now, but I think it could be more. He's sweet and kind. And adorable. Why?”  
“Because you haven't told him yet. If you want to date-”  
“Full disclosure, I know. But you told me he was okay on Monday.”  
“I told you he seemed okay. And I don't think he'd hurt you anyway, I just want..I want you to get into the habit.”  
I sighed and rubbed the side of my face. “Mikey, I love you, but butt out. I'll be fine. I know how to take care of myself and I know how to test the water.”  
“Okay. I love you too.”


	6. Grey

~Frank~   
I curled up against Gerard's side, listening to him talk me through the movie. Mikey was talking to his mum in the next room, but I couldn't hear a word. I nuzzled closer to Gerard and he put an arm around me, rubbing my leg. “I'm sorry about earlier. About interrogating you. We just care about you so much...we don't want you hurt, Frankie.”  
I smiled slightly. “I know.”   
“Do you want a proper cuddle?” He asked quietly. I nodded, climbing into his lap and curling up against his chest, my face buried in his neck. He tugged a soft blanket up around my shoulders, smoothing it over me before wrapping his arms around me tightly. “That's a bit more comfortable,” he hummed, playing with my hair gently.  
I grunted softly, but I was starting to get sleepy, the rhythmic rise and fall of Gerard’s chest and his warmth causing my eyes to close and my head to nod. I shifted, snuggling closer to him and letting my body relax. I was just drifting off when I heard Mikey walk back into the room and sit down. Gerard rubbed my back slowly. “It's okay, Frankie. Go back to sleep.”  
I shifted again and slid off his lap, rubbing my eyes to try and wake up. Gerard chuckled, stroking my hair. “Cutie pie. You okay?”  
I nodded slightly and yawned, leaning against his side. Mikey got up, moving around and sitting on my other side. “Frankie. We need to talk to you about something.”  
I sat up a bit, blinking. Gerard rubbed my back soothingly, and I could feel him watching me.   
“Frankie, we’re really worried about you. Very worried. And so...I told my mum about it, because I think she can help us out.”  
I sat quietly, not sure what to say or how to react.   
“She’d like to talk to you, is that okay?”  
Mikey was rubbing my arm now, his shoulder against mine. I nodded slowly, then turned to Gerard. “Come with me?”  
He gently lifted me up onto my feet before standing up next to me and taking my hand. He walked me into the kitchen slowly, his thumb running over my knuckles. I almost tripped over nothing and Gerard caught me gently, kissing my cheek. “You're okay.”  
He helped me sit down at the table, still holding my hand.   
“Frank,” Mrs. Way started quietly. “How are you feeling, sweetie?”  
I decided on honesty, with Gerard watching me and the only mum I’d had for two years sitting across the table from me. “I'm tired. Exhausted, even. I'm sore, my body hurts. I just want to curl up in bed and do nothing for a week.”  
Gerard's breath hitched and he squeezed my hand gently.   
“Frankie, baby. I think we should call CPS.”  
I sat there, feeling like the bottom had just dropped out of my world and I was falling, falling indefinitely. Gerard brought me back, stroking his knuckles over my cheek. I blinked, starting to shake slightly.   
“I...I don't know. I-I..”  
Gerard stroked my hair slowly, leaning so our shoulders were touching and I could feel him there. “You don't have to make a huge decision now, Frank.”  
“I...where would I live? I d-don't want to be a foster kid, I-”  
“You'll be eighteen in October,” Gerard said quietly. “They’ll let you make your own choice. My apartment is a two-bed, you could come stay with me, or you could take my old bedroom here.”  
“I c-can't ask you to d-do that..” I sniffed, and Gerard wiped the tears off my cheeks.   
“Well, you're not asking, we’re offering,” Mrs. Way pointed out gently. I rubbed my eyes and buried my face in my hands, shivering. Gerard wrapped an arm around me, pulling me closer protectively. “Shh, sweetie. Don't cry,” he murmured, stroking my hair slowly. I heard footsteps and Mikey sat down next to me, rubbing my back gently. “We’ll be here for you.”  
I nodded shakily, lifting my head slowly. “O-okay. I c-can't do this anymore.”  
Gerard ran his fingers through my hair.   
“So do you want me to call, Frank?” Mrs. Way said softly, sounding concerned. I nodded again, trembling now.   
“Please.”  
Gerard immediately scooped me up, carrying me back to the living room bridal style. I clung to him, crawling into his lap as soon as he sat down. He hugged me tightly, wrapping the blanket around me again. “Shh, Frankie. Don't cry, sweetie. Take deep breaths and close your eyes. You could do with some more rest.”  
But I was already struggling to breathe, my fingers scrabbling for a grip on Gerard's shirt. Mikey tried to calm me down, talking to me quietly, but it just got worse, until I started to feel lightheaded. Gerard stroked my cheeks, kissing my forehead. “Shh, baby. If you can't breathe, you're gonna pass out. If you do, Mikey and I will lay you down on the sofa and let you rest for a while. So don't be scared, alright? We're here..”  
I gasped again, my fingers tangling in his hair just before I felt my body go limp and everything faded away. 

I came to on the sofa, a pillow under my head and a blanket over me. Gerard was sitting nearby, humming to himself. I sat up, wincing as I turned my head towards him. He stopped.   
“Hey, Frank.”  
I blinked, laying back down and curling up in a tiny ball. “Hi.”  
“Do you want to go to bed? It's almost nine and I know you're tired.”  
“Where is everyone?”  
Gerard stood up and walked over, kneeling down by the couch and reaching out, rubbing my side. “Mikey and Mum are sorting things out. CPS are gonna want to talk to you in the morning, so I think you should try and get lots of sleep.”  
I nodded and Gerard picked me up again, carrying me down the hall and to the end, slipping into his room. It smelled of him. Vanilla and lavender and warmth. He walked over to the bed and laid me down carefully. “I have some pajamas you can borrow. Do you want me to help you?”  
I nodded, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. Gerard hummed, slipping my shirt over my head slowly, before replacing it with a clean, soft one. I let him take my jeans off, a bit distant.   
Just after my accident, when I'd first lost my sight, people had had to dress me. It took me a while to do it myself. Dad would always help me, singing to me quietly as he did so.   
“Frankie?”  
I turned to Gerard. “Yes?”  
“You're crying, sweetie, what's wrong?”  
“I miss my dad.”  
Gerard slipped the jeans off my hips and down, then helped me into a pair of soft pajama pants instead. “I'm sorry, sweetie. But you can get some sleep now.”  
I crawled back onto a comfortable area of the bed, curling up. Gerard sighed. “You don't look happy, Frank. Do you want me to come lay down with you until you fall asleep?”  
I nodded, trembling slightly. The mattress sank and I felt Gerard lay down behind me, his chest against my back as he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close.   
“Just get some rest, Frank,” he murmured, stroking my hair slowly. I yawned and settled back, letting my eyes close up. 

Gerard was holding my hand, Mikey sitting not far away. The woman across the table was stern, but seemed okay.   
“How did you lose your sight?”  
I swallowed hard and rubbed one eye shakily. “It was an accident that damaged my ocular nerves.”  
She sighed. “What accident?”   
“I was hit by a car.”  
Gerard's grip on my hand tightened.   
“How old were you?”  
“Ten.”  
Gerard rubbed my forearm slowly, and I could feel his worried gaze on me.   
“And your dad passed away two years ago from cancer, is that right?”  
I nodded, my fingers starting to tremble.   
“Okay. You're doing really well, Frank, I know this is hard,” she said quietly, and I could hear a hint of a smile in her voice. “You're fully blind, is that correct?”  
I nodded again. “Yeah, just black. No shapes or anything like that.”  
“Okay. And can you recount some of what's been happening with your mother?”  
I coughed and Gerard wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “Well, it started after my dad died, I don't think she's handling it very well. She stays out a lot and leaves me at home, and eats out a lot so there's never much food in the house. If I ask for any, she gets angry. I stayed here the other night because she wasn't coming home, and she slapped me. She doesn't like the fact that I'm gay..” I trailed off and took a deep breath.   
“What about what happened with Mikey?”  
I shrugged and sighed. “I'd texted her to make sure it was okay that he came over, and she said yes, and when I got there she said it wasn't and she kicked Mikey out and then turned on me. She asked me if I was having sex with him, and when I said no, she slapped me. Later, I went downstairs to get myself something for dinner and she got really angry. She hit me again and I ended up on the floor. She hit my arm and kicked me, then walked away.”  
Gerard was holding me a little tighter now, his hands shaking.   
“Are you okay? You don't need any X-rays or anything?”  
I shook my head. “I'm a little sore, but it's just bruises I think.”  
“Okay, well you've been really brave, Frank. I'd like you to have a think about where you want to go, I know you have some options, and then when you choose, let us know and we’ll sort everything else out.”  
I nodded quickly. “I know where I want to go. I want to stay with Gerard, if he's still okay with that.”  
Gerard squeezed my shoulders. “Of course it's okay, Frank.”  
“Okay,” the lady said, getting up. “I'll be in touch.”


	7. Crimson

Gerard kept his hand on my back, walking me through the door. “Home sweet home. My shift patterns should keep me okay for driving you to school and picking you up for at least a week.”  
I nodded, trying to grab his hand and missing. He chuckled softly, taking my hand gently. “Do you want a tour?”  
I nodded. “Please.”  
It was a little embarrassing, letting Gerard lead me around. I touched everything, feeling where everything was. I noted where there was carpet and where there was linoleum. I counted doors, I ran my hands over cupboards, all to make myself a little plan in my head. I needed to know where I was so I could get to somewhere. I knew I'd get lost a few times, but it was part of the learning process. 

After almost half an hour, Gerard and I sat down on the sofa, my hand still in his.   
“Gerard?”  
“You can call me Gee, y’know. If you want to.”   
I leaned my head on his shoulder. “Okay. Um...can I sleep with you tonight? Like in your bed? I just...I don't want to be alone.”  
Gerard let go of my hand and my sudden panic was brought to a halt as he touched my cheek, his thumb brushing over my cheekbone as he let me lean on his hand. “Of course, hon. You can stay with me as often as you need to.”  
I smiled slightly, kissing his hand. “Thank you.”  
He leaned forward and kissed my forehead softly. “You're welcome.”  
I tilted my head up slightly and he stroked his thumb over my cheekbone again.  
“Fuck it.”  
Gerard leaned in and I felt his lips against mine, a little chapped and bitten, but gentle and caring. It took me a couple seconds to remember to kiss back, my hand slipping into his hair. He broke away first, breathing a little heavily. I smiled shyly, feeling the blush heat my cheeks. “Gee...I'm..”  
“I'm sorry,” Gerard blurted out quickly. “I'm sorry, that was inappropriate and...I'm sorry.”  
I giggled and kissed his jaw softly, letting my hand run down the back of his neck and over his shoulder. “Please don't be sorry. I loved it.”   
He tensed and I heard his breath hitch before he grabbed me, kissing me again, this time with a little more passion. I matched it, spreading my fingers on his cheeks and climbing half into his lap. He was the first to break away, again.   
Gerard panted for a couple breaths, then pulled me into a tight hug, rubbing my back. “I'm never gonna let anyone hurt you,” he mumbled, holding me close as I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his neck happily. 

“What?!”  
I giggled, glancing towards the bedroom door. “He's at work now...but yeah, he kissed me.”  
Mikey laughed quietly. “Yep. He's always been one to go for what he wants. He likes you, Frankie. Just don't let it go too fast, okay?”  
“But it's been so long,” I whined, trying to annoy him now. “I really want a nice big fat-”  
“Alright! That's enough!” Mikey shouted, pretending to be horrified. “Anyway, Gerard isn't much of a top.”  
“How the fuck do you know that?” I giggled, running a hand through my hair.   
“Okay, well we share a wall, Frankie,” Mikey chuckled. “I can hear everything.”  
“Dude, I'm sorry. That's creepy,” I hummed. “I don't think I'd want to listen to my brother...if I had one, y’know...do you not want me to talk about-”  
“No, no, it's fine, Frank. We always talk about this stuff. I talk about girls to you, so it's only fair you talk to me about guys. Besides, I like to know how you're doing.”  
“So you can make sure I'm safe?” I teased, getting up and wandering around the room, running my fingertips along the wall.   
“Yeah. And that you're treating my brother well,” he said quietly, sounding dead serious.   
“Wait, what? You know I'd never hurt him, Mikey.”  
“I know, I just...there's stuff he hasn't told you and it worries me. I'm allowed to worry about him, he's dumb sometimes.”  
“So are you,” I muttered.   
“This is not one of those times. He's more vulnerable than you think.”   
“If you say so. Anyway, I gotta go, I have some homework to do, and I think he’ll be home soon.”  
“Wait, um...how fast do you think this is going to go?” Mikey asked quietly, sounding worried.   
“Mikey, I know you're worried about us, but Gerard isn't pushing me and I'm not going to push him. It’ll go as fast as it goes. I think you need to give him a little more credit. And I wish someone would just tell me what this is instead of telling me I need to be careful of it.”  
Mikey sighed loudly. “I wish I could, but it's not my place to tell you. Ask him. And be nice to my brother.”  
He hung up and I rolled my eyes. “So dramatic,” I mumbled to myself, unzipping my backpack and getting out my books and laptop. 

I worked for about an hour before I got thirsty and got up, heading into the kitchen for a drink. I managed to find the right cupboard, but as I reached up to grab a glass, my hand brushed one of them that must have been on the edge, and it tumbled out, smashing on the floor. “Fuck!”  
I bit my lip, shaking slightly. Gerard is going to be angry.   
I shook my head quickly, crouching down and trying to clear the glass up. “Ow...shit..” I sniffed, trying to ignore the thoughts lining up to tell me how useless I was and how angry Gerard would be. I heard a car door slam outside and frantically tried to get all the shards in my hand, barely aware that I was crying. The front door opened.   
“Hey Frank,” Gerard called out quietly. “Where are you?”  
I sniffed, trying to stay quiet in the vain hope that maybe he wouldn't notice. I heard his footsteps coming closer and he gasped, dropping something. “Fuck, Frankie!”  
He hurried over, grabbing at my wrists. I started to sob, trembling all over. “I'm so so sorry,” I whimpered, shaking. “I didn't mean to..”  
“Shit..come on, stand up.”  
“I'm sorry, I'm sorry..”  
“Shh, I don't care about the glass, sweetie. It's fine, okay? You didn't do anything wrong. I'm worried about your hands, sweetie, they're all cut up. Can you just take some deep breaths and calm down for me? I'm not angry, I promise. I'm just worried.”  
I sniffed, trying to do as he said, but still shaking. “I'm sorry..” I said again, and he laughed softly, kissing my cheek. “Don't be. Accidents happen. Can you take a couple steps back? I'm gonna clean this up and then we’ll sort your hands out, okay?”  
I nodded, stepping back and whimpering softly.   
“I'm sorry.”  
Gerard sighed, and I could hear him sweeping up the glass. “You should have just left it, Frankie.”  
“I was scared you'd be angry..” I mumbled, turning my head away.   
“Frankie, I’d never be angry with you over an accident, okay? I know it's hard for you being in a new place, cause you don't know where things are. Next time, maybe you should use a mug, yeah? It's a little easier.”  
I nodded slightly, feeling the blood drip from my fingers, hot and wet and sticky. “It hurts.”   
“Shit, I know, sweetie, I know.”  
He put the glass in the bin and gently took my wrists, leading me over to the sink. “C’mere, it's a bit easier to see. You stand right here and I'll go get my glasses.”  
I waited quietly, knowing I was dripping into the sink now. Gerard seemed perfectly calm, in his element. He walked back to me, rubbing my back slowly. “Alright. I'm just gonna try and rinse your hands a little, it might hurt.”  
I heard the tap turn on and gasped as the cold water flowed over the cuts, making me whimper as it stung. He rubbed my back again, turning the tap off. “Alright. You stay still, I'm gonna pull this glass out, okay?”  
I nodded slightly, sniffling as Gerard cleaned up the cuts. “A couple of these are gonna need stitches I think, sweetie. I'm gonna take you to the hospital, okay? I can do it, but it's gonna hurt cause I don't have any local anesthetic. I'm gonna wrap your hands up and we’re gonna go. I'll call ahead, okay?”  
I nodded again, shivering. Gerard leaned over, kissing my cheek softly. “You're okay. I've got you..” He started to wrap my hands in soft material, being careful not to hurt me. I leaned my head on his chest, trying to stop crying.   
“Okay. All done..” He murmured, walking me over to the sofa. “You sit down for a minute while I go make the call and get changed. I won't be a second.”  
I sat down and went quiet, trying to dry my cheeks on my shirt sleeves. I didn't hear Gerard walk back to me, and jumped when he touched my shoulder. “You ready, Frankie?”  
I nodded and stood up shakily, leaning into him as he wrapped an arm around my waist and led me out to the car. He helped me into the passenger seat before climbing in behind the wheel and starting the car immediately. “Try and stay calm, it's gonna be okay.”  
Gerard put his hand on my leg, keeping it there as he drove in silence. I was still somewhat in shock, shaking slightly and barely able to feel the pain.   
“Why did you think I'd be angry with you?” Gerard asked sadly, after a minute or two of silence.   
“Because most people I know would have been.”  
“Mikey wouldn't, Mum wouldn't...are you saying your mom would have been?”  
I nodded, shifting slightly and leaning my head on the window. “Yeah.”  
“Well, I'm not her,” Gerard said firmly. “I will never be angry with you over an accident. I promise.”  
“Okay. Thank you.”  
He sighed quietly, moving his hand to rub my shoulder. “You don't need to thank me, yeah? It's just common human decency..”  
I sniffed and didn't reply, feeling the car turn into what I assumed to be a parking lot. Gerard pulled into a space and turned the car off. “You wait, I'll come get you.”  
I nodded, waiting patiently as Gerard got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side. He opened the door for me and unbuckled my seatbelt, then lifted me out of the car carefully, setting me on my feet. “Alright. You okay?”  
I smiled slightly. “I'm okay.”  
Gerard walked me into the hospital, his arm linked with mine. We walked into a large room with lots of people, but as soon as we went to the desk, we were sent into a much smaller room. Gerard shut the door behind us and helped me onto the bench, starting to unwrap my hands slowly and carefully.   
“The doctor will be in in a second, okay? He's really nice, I've worked with him before.”  
I shivered. “Where are we? It's cold in here.”  
“We’re in urgent care, hon. I'd give you my coat, but I didn't bring one, I'm sorry.”  
“I'm gonna freeze to death and it'll be your fault,” I giggled, and he kissed my forehead softly.   
“I don't think I'll be able to live with myself,” he grinned, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. I leaned my head on his chest, sniffling.   
The door opened suddenly, making me jump, and Gerard moved away slightly, keeping a hand on my shoulder.   
“Hey, Gerard,” said a cheerful man’s voice. I took a deep breath and sat quietly.   
“Hey, Pete, how are you?”  
“I'm okay, it's been a while. Who's this?”  
Gerard cleared his throat awkwardly. “He's a friend, he's staying with me for a while. Frank, this is Pete Wentz, I worked with him when I was working in the ER.”  
“I'd shake your hand, but uh...maybe not,” Pete chuckled, hugging me carefully. “What happened here?”  
He was talking to me and not Gerard now, so I switched gears, turning to face him. “I dropped a glass and I tried to clean it up, but it didn't work out so well.”  
“Yeah, it's hard when you can't see it, huh?”  
There was a brief, uncomfortable pause.   
“Sorry..” Pete mumbled. “I've had a few blind patients before, I'm used to recognizing it..”  
“Oh. That's fine,” I smiled, relaxing slightly. “It's a bit of a giveaway when you can't really make eye contact.”  
Pete chuckled. “Yep. That's the killer, huh? Alright, Frank. I'm gonna have to give you a few stitches, so I'm going to put some of this cream stuff on and it'll numb your skin. It might hurt while I'm putting it on, but it'll be okay.”  
I nodded, trying to figure out the little sounds I could hear. Gerard kissed the side of my head, trying to comfort me.   
“How old are you, Frank?” Pete asked, starting to smooth the cream over my hands, around the cuts.   
“Seventeen. Eighteen in a few months,” I mumbled, wincing a couple times. Gerard gripped my shoulder a little tighter.   
“That's cool. Are you just finishing high school, then?”  
“Yep, I take my finals next week.”  
“That's awesome, what subjects?”  
He was fiddling with something, and suddenly I could feel him tugging at my skin, but it didn't hurt.   
“AP literature, AP German, government, PE, AP psychology, and AP art history.”  
“Jeez. You're better at school than I was. Have you taken all those AP exams yet?”  
I nodded, feeling Gerard sit down behind me, his hand on my side.   
“Yeah, but I don't get my results for a while yet.”  
“How d’you think they went?” Pete asked, starting on my other hand.   
“There was a diagram thing in the AP psych exam where you had to label the parts of a neuron. I don't think that went too well..”  
Gerard chuckled, kissing the back of my neck discreetly.   
“I don't think I’d do too well on that section anyway,” Pete grinned, finishing up and starting to wrap my hands again. “I'm not good with diagrams.”  
“Me neither,” I giggled, shaking my head.   
“Well, you're all done, Frank. Just be careful, Gerard will keep an eye on those stitches. Don't get them wet for a couple days, and I'm sure he’ll take them out for you when they're ready.”  
Gerard nodded, slipping off the bench to stand up. “Thanks Pete.”  
I waved as Gerard helped me out of the room, leaning against him a little more than usual as he led me to the car.   
“Let's go home and watch some tv or something, yeah? I have some ice cream in the freezer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope people are still enjoying this, I have a bit of a twist coming up in the next chapter, which I'm putting up with this one. It'd be really great to have some feedback on that chapter if you guys wouldn't mind :) Thanks!  
> ~Logan  
> P.S. I'm new to this site and I have no idea how to make it do italics without getting all messed up so sorry about the formatting :/


	8. Pink

I winced as I felt the cool metal against my hand. “Shh, stay still,” Gerard chuckled, snipping the stitches carefully. “That's it. All done..” He smiled, kissing my cheek. “My brave Frankie.”  
I shook my head slightly and climbed into his lap, smiling at him. “Hi.”  
“Hey.”  
He ran his hands up my sides, making me shiver slightly. Gerard hadn't kissed me since before I dropped the glass, and I already missed it. It would have been stupid to say that kissing him for the first time felt like fireworks or gave me a weird feeling in my stomach, because it hadn't. I wasn't a cliche teenage girl. But kissing him had felt right in some way. We had fit together as we'd kissed, and it felt like we could go on kissing forever.   
Gerard kissed my chest, snapping me out of my thoughts. “Frankie? What’cha thinking about?”  
I giggled, feeling my cheeks heat up.   
“Kissing you.”  
He laughed softly, running his hands back down to my hips. “So why don't you?”  
The blush intensified and I bit my lip. “I'll miss or something..I..”  
Gerard stroked my cheek with one finger, shaking his head. “No, sweetie. Don't worry about that. Take your time.”  
I chewed on my lip, trying to make up my mind. This could be horribly embarrassing, I was aware of that.   
I closed my eyes and sighed, then opened them again. I ran my hands up from his chest, cupping his jaw in my hands. I ran my thumbs over his lips, letting our skin catch briefly. Then I leaned down confidently, kissing him softly. He smiled into it, wrapping his arms around me tightly as I deepened the kiss, my hand running up and into his hair, my fingers tangling in the soft strands. Gerard pulled me even closer to him and I rolled my hips slowly, to let him know I was ready for more if he was. He didn't react, continuing to kiss me. I curled my fingers under the hem of his shirt, breaking the kiss for just long enough to pull his shirt off and toss it aside. He chuckled, leaning back slightly as I dove in again, kissing him passionately and running my hands over his chest slowly. I stopped suddenly, tracing the scar with my index finger. Then the scar on the other side. He had two thick, curved scars a couple inches below his nipples. “Gee? What are these?”  
Gerard stood up abruptly, lifting me off his lap and setting me on my feet. “They're the reason Mikey doesn't want me with you,” he mumbled, starting to walk away. I ran after him, gently grabbing him and pulling him back. “Gee, please! Somebody has to tell me something!”  
He spun around and I shrank back, whimpering. The air seemed to lose its charge suddenly and Gerard took a deep breath. “Come with me..”  
I followed him a little shakily, wandering down the hall and into his bedroom. He sat down on the bed and I climbed up next to him, rubbing one of his shoulders slowly.   
“You know Ben at school?”  
I blinked, kissing his cheek. “Yeah, but how do you know?”  
“Mikey said. Look, Frank. I'm not who you think I am, I'm-”  
“You're transgender, aren't you?” I mumbled, light dawning at last. “Shit, Mikey dropped so many clues and I didn't pick them up...wow.”  
Gerard tensed up and I nuzzled the side of his head. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. Go on, Gee.”  
He sighed and reached behind him, taking one of my hands carefully. “You're right. That's why I started drinking. After I managed to get off the heroin I realized who I was and I started to pursue it. I've been on testosterone for three years and I had top surgery two years ago. That's the scars.”  
I nodded, scootching behind him a little more and wrapping my arms around his waist from behind. “Okay. Have you had..?”  
“No, not yet. That's why Mikey worries when I date guys, because he sees all these things in the media about trans people being attacked and all this stuff. I didn't tell you because I knew you wouldn't do something like that and I wanted to see where things went for a while.”  
I nodded again, kissing his shoulder. “Okay, Gee.”  
He laughed softly. “I can't believe I ever worried about you not accepting me.”  
I giggled and squeezed him gently. “I'm blind, Gee. I can't afford to be that picky. But can I ask why you haven't had your other surgery yet?”  
Gerard nodded. “You can ask me any questions you like, Frankie. And it's partially because I haven't got the money and partially because I'm not sure if I want to have kids someday.”  
I purred and wrapped my legs around him as well, resting my chin on his shoulder. “You'd be a good dad.”  
Gerard laughed again, but I felt a tear drip onto my arm. “You're the best man I've ever met.”  
I shook my head slowly, nuzzling the side of his head. “I'm sure you'll meet better. But I do care about you, and I'm never gonna judge you. Come cuddle with me and stop crying, you're gonna make me cry.”  
Gerard smiled, gently peeling me off him and turning around, pulling me into a hug. “You're so sweet, Frankie.”  
I giggled and pushed him back to lay on the bed, curling up half on his chest. “So are you. And just so we’re clear, from what I can tell, you're really fucking hot, and I’d love to have sex with you, no matter what's in your pants. Not before we’re ready, of course, but I just wanted you to know that.”  
Gerard played with my hair gently, kissing my cheek. “I suppose as the responsible adult I should say we need to wait until you're eighteen, but I don't think I could wait that long. Maybe soon, but not just yet.”  
“I wanna take a bath together sometime though,” I grinned, stroking his cheek. “It would be fun, even if we didn't do anything naughty.”  
“Yeah, it would,” Gerard hummed, rubbing my back slowly. “Y’know…”  
“Mm?”  
“Most people I've tried to date have rejected me because of this. I've been called some horrible names...this is so sweet and it's just...amazing to me. That you like me.”  
I smiled and kissed his forehead softly. “I like dicks, I'm not gonna lie, but I think I like you more.”  
Gerard laughed, pulling me a little closer. “That was beautifully worded, Frankie. Do you have any other questions for me?”  
I shook my head, stroking over one of his scars slowly. “No, not right now. I'm sure they’ll be plenty I think of later on, but right now I just wanna enjoy this moment with you. Well...I guess I have one question..”  
Gerard smiled, putting his hand over mine. “Yes. I want this to be official. I wanna call you my boyfriend. Just maybe not in public for a few months.”  
I giggled quietly, rolling my eyes. “You read my mind! But that's fair, I understand. I don't really want you to get arrested.”  
Gerard grabbed a handful of my hair, pulling me down into a desperate, passionate kiss that very quickly turned loving and gentle.


	9. Lavender

I went over to Mikey’s the next day, to do a little revision before our first final on Monday. He sat down with me and I giggled.   
“What?”  
“I know something you don't,” I grinned, teasing him. He rolled his eyes.   
“I'll bite. What is it?”  
I smiled happily, leaning back in my chair. “Mm, well. I found out what you and Gerard have been hiding from me. We talked about it for a while.”  
“What?! Really?” Mikey asked, leaning forwards. “He didn't tell me.”  
I shrugged, biting my lip softly. “We made it official. So he's my boyfriend now, I guess.”  
“So..”  
I giggled softly. “I think his favorite thing I said was; I like dicks, but I like you more.”  
Mikey chuckled, bumping my shoulder with his. “That's kinda gross and really cute at the same time, I'm really pleased for you both. Are you planning on...y’know..?”  
I shrugged and felt the blush creep up my neck. “Not yet. And I doubt you'd want me to tell you anyway.”  
Mikey laughed and squeezed my shoulder. “I really wouldn't, thanks. But I'm really glad it's going well, for both of you. You both deserve good people.”  
I smiled and nodded slightly. “I've just got to not fuck it up now.”  
Mikey hesitated. “You didn't fuck anything up with Chris, Frank. That was him, not you. Don't worry about that with Gerard. Just take it easy with him and let things happen naturally and you'll be fine.”   
I nodded, rubbing my eyes. “Okay. We need to get to work now. No more gossip.”   
Mikey paused for a few seconds. “Frank?”  
I looked at him, something in his tone worrying me. “What?”  
He sighed. “You don't look happy.”  
I blinked, shrugging. “I'm okay.”  
“But you're not happy, are you?”  
“Mikey, I have finals tomorrow, my mom just lost custody of me and I moved out of my home, which, by the way, is a little more jarring to me than you because I can't find my way around anywhere else. My hands are still sore from when I was stupid, and now you're interrogating me about why I'm not happy.”   
I said it all calmly, but firmly. “Mikey, you're my best friend and I love you, but I'm trying to stay afloat in a sea of shit, and pointing out that I'm not doing a good job doesn't really help much.”  
Mikey pulled me into a hug, rubbing my back slowly. “I'm sorry, Frankie, I didn't think about what I said..”  
I hugged back, shaking my head slightly. “It's okay. I've just gotta get through this week and then I can have a nice big breakdown.”  
Mikey chuckled and let go of me carefully. “Sounds about right. You should talk to Gerard more when you're feeling down. He's good with that stuff, better than I am, and it's his job now.”  
I giggled and nodded. “Okay. I'll remember that. But now we really need to revise, c’mon..” 

We managed to get a couple hours of revision done before Gerard walked in, rubbing my shoulder as he leaned over the table. I could tell when it was him coming now, as he had slightly irregular footsteps I'd learned to recognize even only after a couple days. He kissed my cheek softly. “You guys want something to eat? Mum left for that class thing, so I can order something.”  
Mikey was still pretending to throw up, so I smiled up at Gerard. “Actually pizza sounds really good, to be my usual boring self.”  
Gerard stroked my hair slowly. “Okay, you happy with that, Mikey?”  
“I want my grumpy brother back who's never here,” Mikey growled jokingly.   
Gerard sighed dramatically. “I guess it's just us two for pizza, then. So what do you want, Frank?”  
“Extra veggies,” I giggled.   
“Gross!” Mikey laughed, shoving my shoulder gently. “Cheese.”  
“I thought you didn't want any,” Gerard said sweetly.   
Mikey scoffed and I rolled my eyes. “Just go order it already, I'm hungry.”   
“Alright, jeez,” Gerard chuckled, walking out of the room. “I'm going.”  
Mikey laughed as soon as the door shut behind Gerard. “That's cute. He can't take his eyes off you.”  
I ducked my head, blushing. “Mikey, I thought you hated this.”  
“I do, kinda. But I'm happy for you, it's the first time I've seen you smile properly all day, and it was when he was walking towards you.”   
I shrugged and ran a hand through my hair, even more embarrassed now. “His steps...I can tell..” I mumbled, feeling Mikey's hand on my shoulder.   
“I'm not trying to embarrass you, Frank. How about we go watch something for a while? The pizza won't be here just yet and we've done plenty of revision..”  
I nodded, getting up and starting to pack away my books. Mikey helped me, separating my books from his. “Do you want me to pack your bag for you?”   
I smiled, nodding slightly. “That would be great, actually. If you wouldn’t mind.”   
Mikey gently pushed my shoulder. “Go hang out with Gerard for a few minutes, get all the lovey shit out of the way.”   
I chuckled and rolled my eyes. “Yes sir,” I mumbled, walking out of the room quickly. I was walking past the couch when Gerard grabbed my wrist, tugging on it gently.   
“I’m over here.”   
I giggled, pulling away carefully. “What if I wasn’t looking for you?” I grinned, walking around and sitting down next to him. The tv was playing, but quietly. Gerard wrapped an arm around me, kissing the side of my head.   
“Then I’d be disappointed.”   
My smile faded slightly as I leaned my head on his shoulder. “You don’t have to be, then.”   
“Good.” Gerard tilted my chin up, kissing me briefly. “I don’t like being disappointed.”   
I curled up against his side, letting my eyes close.   
Gerard ran his fingers through my hair. “You don’t seem happy, Frank. What’s going on? Is everything okay?”   
I sighed, gently grabbing his hand and lacing our fingers together. “Can we talk later? I’m okay, I’m just not really...feeling it today.”   
“Yeah, of course. You’ve had a lot going on lately, it’s understandable that you’re not feeling great.”  
I frowned, squeezing his hand lightly. “You know it’s not about you, right? You make me really happy, I just-”   
“You have a lot to deal with, Frankie, and having a shiny new boyfriend won’t change that, I know. When we get home tonight, I’ll run that bath, how does that sound?”   
I smiled, lifting his hand and kissing his fingers softly. “That sounds perfect, Gee.”   
He pulled me closer gently, and I climbed into his lap, kissing his cheeks softly.   
“You're so cute,” Gerard smiled, rubbing my side gently. “Come on...come curl up.”  
I nodded, leaning my side against his chest, pulling a blanket around me as Gerard hugged me tightly. “You wanna watch something?”  
I yawned, nuzzling up to him. “You put something on that you like, I’m happy.”  
I heard footsteps and lifted my head slightly. “Hey Mikey.”  
“Hey, are we gonna watch another Hammer movie?”  
I smiled as he sat down on the other sofa. “I don't mind, I'll probably fall asleep anyway.”  
Gerard rubbed my side slowly, holding me tightly. “Maybe you should stay awake until the food comes..”  
“Maybe not,” I chuckled, nuzzling his jaw. “I'm exhausted, and I'm not that hungry.”   
“Frank, I think you should head home with Gerard after we eat, you could do with some sleep,”  
Mikey said quietly. “We’ve gotta be up early and everything..”  
Gerard kissed the top of my head, brushing his knuckles over my cheek. “I think he's right, hon.”   
I sighed and nodded slightly. “Alright, if you guys say so. I know well enough to listen to you.” 

Gerard wrapped his arms around me, kissing my cheek. “Come get in.”  
I blushed, biting my lip softly. “But...my towel.”  
Gerard laughed, rubbing my back slowly. “Yes, you have to take it off.”  
“Is the water bubbly?”  
“Yes,” he murmured, stroking my hair back from my face. “Do you want me to look away when you get in?”  
I nodded slightly, blushing even deeper.   
“Okay. I'm turning now, alright?” He let go of me, and I quickly dropped my towel, climbing into the bath and sinking under the water. “Okay,” I said quietly, embarrassed. Gerard gently scooted me forward in the tub. “I'm gonna sit behind you, you stay there a second.”  
He got in carefully, sitting behind me with his legs outside of mine, so I was surrounded by him. He kissed the back of my neck. “You'll have to turn the tap off in a minute, okay?”  
I nodded, letting myself lean back against his warm, bare chest. “The bath doesn't smell of much.”  
Gerard ran his hands over me, one hand on my chest, the other sliding over my stomach. “Mhm. I thought I'd let you pick what to put in it.”  
“Vanilla and lavender.”  
He chuckled softly, taking his hands off me to uncap a couple bottles. “Those are my favorites.”  
I smiled to myself, listening to him swirl the water as the scents bloomed around us. “I know. That's why I picked them. Because it smells like you now.”  
He purred softly and kissed my neck, his teeth grazing my skin. I arched my back, leaning my head away from his, exposing my neck further. “Hmm,” he murmured, his hands running over my hips and down to the insides of my thighs. “You like that, huh?”  
I shivered, breathing heavily as I tensed, his hands slowly moving up the insides of my legs.   
“Are you scared?” Gerard asked suddenly, sounding worried as he stopped.   
I shook my head quickly. “I've never been in..” I sighed quietly and sat up slightly, gently pushing his hands away. “I've only ever really been in one semi-serious relationship and the first time we had sex, he told me I was terrible in bed and dumped me...so.”  
Gerard ran a finger down my spine slowly. “Frankie, I would never dump you over something so stupid,” he mumbled, almost hurt.   
“I know. I know. But it's just...I think about these things sometimes.”  
Gerard kissed the side of my neck again, this time lovingly rather than sexually. “That's okay. If you'd rather not..”  
“No!” I said quickly, then blushed even darker. “Shit. Look, it's been a while since the last time I was with someone..”  
Gerard hugged me tightly, pulling me closer to him, until my whole body was pressed against his. “We can do anything you'd like to.”  
I bit my lip harshly. “Aren't we moving too fast, I mean..”  
“Fuck that,” Gerard chuckled, turning my head to the side so he could kiss me. “I've been waiting my whole life to meet someone like you, and I don't want to wait much longer.”  
I smiled, blinking away the emotion building up. “I can't wait either.”  
He nuzzled my jaw, rubbing my hips slowly. “Okay. Just relax, breathe in those nice smells. Don't think about anything except me. Do you like to bottom?”  
I nodded, leaning my head against his shoulder. “Sometimes. I do either, though.”  
Gerard's hands ran back down to my thighs, slowly drawing nearer to me. “Okay.” He leaned down, kissing and nibbling at my neck until I gasped, arching my back. One of his hands moved around quickly, sliding underneath my ass. “That's it. You're doing so well, baby,” he purred, planting soft kisses along my jaw as he wrapped his hand around me, starting to pump quickly. I rolled my head back, moaning pathetically.   
“Oh you’re so beautiful..” Gerard murmured, plunging a finger into me. I cried out, jerking my body forward and letting out a couple dry sobs.   
“That's it..” Gerard soothed, bringing me back to his chest as he started to fuck me with his fingers, his other hand working expertly over me, getting me to start a steady rhythm, thrusting into his fist.   
“Mhm. You're so good at this, baby,” He praised softly as the pain settled back into pure pleasure. He twisted his finger, stretching deeper into me and causing me to cry out again, this time in intense pleasure. I was dripping sweat now, shaking as I tried to bounce on his finger and thrust into his hand at the same time, desperate for the pleasure.   
I felt it start to build up, shuddering as I came and then falling back against Gerard, panting heavily and letting my eyes close up as blissful nothingness took hold for a few seconds. Gerard was pressing kisses to my neck and shoulders, smiling as he did so. “Was that good?”  
I giggled shakily, nodding quickly. “Unimaginably so.”

Gerard carried me to bed wrapped in a towel, gently laying me on the bed. “I'm gonna go sort my hair out, I'll be two feet away,” he murmured, kissing my hair. I laid still for a while, letting myself relax and reflect on our eventful bath. We’d cuddled for ages after my orgasm, but hadn't talked much.   
“Gee?”  
He hummed softly. “Yeah?”  
“Do you feel left out?”  
He hesitated briefly. “You mean do I expect something from you now? No, I don't, sweetie. You don't have to worry about that.”  
“What if I want to?”  
Gerard laughed, and I could hear him running a brush through his hair. “Now, that would be an offer that would be hard to refuse. But you're exhausted, Frankie.”  
“Not that exhausted.”  
He chuckled and walked back to me, kissing my forehead. “I think we should go to bed now, baby.”  
I pouted, pulling him into a proper kiss. Gerard broke away first, rubbing my chest through the towel. “Frankie, how about we just curl up and talk for a while? You could maybe touch me a little, ask some more questions...I'm not sure that you're...that what I have is what you might expect.”  
I blinked, propping myself up on my elbows. “What do you mean?”  
Gerard sighed and leaned over, kissing my cheek. “Why don't you take your towel off and we can have a nice talk all cuddled up?”  
I nodded, slipping the towel off and tossing it aside before sitting up against the headboard. I almost pulled the blanket over my lap, then blushed and decided against it. There was no reason to be shy anymore. Gerard sat down next to me, wrapping an arm around my waist.   
“I mean that being on testosterone kind of changes things a little down there. Have you...been with a woman?”  
I nodded, leaning into him and putting a hand on his stomach comfortably. “Yeah, when I was younger.”  
Gerard smiled slightly, but I could tell this conversation wasn't easy for him. “You can...you can touch, baby.”  
I blushed, hesitating. “I feel like I'm invading your privacy.”  
“No more than I invaded yours,” Gerard chuckled, nuzzling my cheek as he took my wrist, slowly guiding my hand down between his legs. I blinked, running my fingers over him, trying to be soft and gentle. His breath hitched and I rubbed the same spot again, causing a soft moan to escape his lips. I smiled slightly, a little shy. “I wanna...I wanna make you feel good, Gee. Please?” I felt like I was begging now, my fingers in between his legs.   
“What's mine is yours,” he answered quietly. I quickly got up on my hands and knees, leaning over him as I kissed a line down his stomach, pressing an especially soft kiss in between his hipbones. “Frankie, I-”  
I shushed him gently and he tangled his fingers in my hair. I noticed him trembling slightly and I moved a little lower, lapping at him tentatively. Gerard's hips jerked and he let out a soft whine, tugging on my hair gently. I grinned and took him into my mouth, licking and sucking slowly. His moans, increasing in volume by the second, boosted my confidence and I slipped a finger into him, purring as I started to move it in and out. Gerard groaned and I added a finger, grinning around him as he started to roll his hips, shaking all over. He grunted something and I felt him jerk before arching his back and twitching, then falling back with a loud sigh. I sat up, wiping my mouth on the back of my hand. “Was that okay?”  
Gerard groaned quietly, giggling softly. “That was one of the most amazing things I've ever felt, Frankie. You must have fucked a trans guy before, I swear.”  
I giggled, pleased with myself. “No, just you.”  
He pulled me into a gentle kiss, his thumbs stroking over my cheeks lovingly.   
I pulled away after about a minute, smiling at him shyly. “I'm so tired...and I could do with some water.”  
Gerard made a clucking noise with his tongue, stroking my hair slowly. “Aw, baby. I'll go run to the bathroom and then I'll go get you a drink, okay? You settle in, I'll be right back.”  
I nodded, climbing in under the covers and curling up. My hands were still shaking. I'd made Gerard tremble and whimper and groan, and he'd loved it. I felt powerful and happy, but also a surge of something I could only describe as love. All I wanted to do was curl up with him and breathe together, and sleep together. I felt him slip in beside me. “Sit up a little, baby,” he murmured, touching my back gently. I propped myself up and he helped me drink, wiping a drip off my chin before setting the glass aside. “You okay?”  
I nodded, grabbing at him and tugging myself closer. “Gee..”  
“Yeah, baby?” Gerard murmured, pulling me closer to him quickly. “What's wrong?”  
I smiled, resting my forehead against his chest. “Nothing's wrong.”  
He hesitated, then sighed. “Did you like it?” He asked at last, his voice uncertain and shaky.   
“Of course I did,” I purred, lifting my head. “I almost made you scream.”  
Gerard grinned, his breath flicking over my face. “You did. Did you have any questions?”  
I shook my head slightly. “I know enough about, well...traditionally female anatomy to know what I was touching, and what was different.”  
He kissed my cheek ever so softly. “You don't have to be so careful with your words, baby. I understand..”  
“But I want to be. I don't want to hurt you,” I mumbled, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I just want to lay here forever.”  
Gerard tugged me closer to him and I threw a leg over his hips, giggling softly. “Mine.”  
He chuckled, running his hand down my back and over my ass before letting it rest on the outside of my thigh. “I'm yours. But you're mine.”  
I nuzzled his chest, clinging to him tightly. “Don't let me go, Gee.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the smut is a little bad, I haven't written any in a while. I'm also sorry I forgot to update at my usual time :/


	10. White

Gerard kissed my cheek as I got into the car. I batted him away gently, buckling my seatbelt and leaning my head on the window.   
“Oh. It went that well, huh?”  
I shrugged, hugging myself tightly.   
“Wanna talk about it?”  
I didn't say anything, so he just started the car and headed home.   
“I'm here for you, Frankie,” he tried again a few minutes later. “You can tell me anything. I'm here to listen.”  
“I just hate my fucking teacher and I want to fucking strangle her, okay?” I snapped suddenly, surprising myself as much as Gerard.   
“Okay. Why?”  
I felt his hand on my leg, but didn't brush it off. “She refused to help me, and she didn't print the Braille version correctly. It was all fucked up and unreadable and I'm gonna fucking fail because she's a cunt!”  
Gerard's hand flexed and he sighed. “What's your grade, baby? In percentage?”  
“One oh four,” I mumbled sullenly.   
“Okay. Have you figured out how much your test could bring it down?”  
I shifted uncomfortably. “No, I didn't look..”  
“Baby, the first thing we’re going to do when we get home is look at your grades and figure that out. If it's only going to bring you down four percent, then it's not worth worrying about. But if it is, I am going to your school tomorrow and I'm going straight to the principal about this. That's not acceptable and I'm sure it's illegal somehow.”  
I sniffed, starting to tear up slightly. “R-really?”  
“Of course. I got like straight C’s in school, but I know how important those grades are to you. It's the least I can do, Frankie.”  
He parked the car and stroked my cheek, pecking my lips quickly. “Let's go unwind and eat ice cream or something.”

I straddled Gerard's lap, giggling as I poked his lip with the spoon.   
“Missed again.”  
I rolled my eyes. “I'm trying to be cute and romantic and you're ruining it!”  
“You're the one who can't get the ice cream actually in my mouth,” Gerard teased gently, rubbing my sides slowly. “Try again.”  
I managed it this time, giggling happily and kissing his forehead. “Yay!”  
Gerard sat up slightly, gently taking the spoon from me and feeding me a mouthful. “I have to go back to work in an hour or so, are you gonna be okay?”  
I frowned, my shoulders dropping slightly. “Oh. Yeah, I'll be fine, I guess.”  
“Okay. Just remember that that test doesn't matter, okay? It can't even drop you below a hundred percent. No need to worry.”  
I nodded slightly, putting the lid back on the ice cream and sliding off his lap. “I'll go tidy up.”  
I walked into the kitchen, putting the ice cream back in the freezer and the spoon in the sink. I stood in the middle of the kitchen, slowly sinking to my knees on the floor, my face buried in my hands. The pain was almost unbearable now. I'd been hiding it from Gerard, a pain in my stomach I’d had for almost three days. I'd woken up with it on Monday and it hadn't gone away, instead just getting worse. I gagged, my body shuddering as I tried to get up and slipped, falling back onto the floor.   
“Frankie? You okay, baby?”  
I grabbed at the countertop, trying to heave myself up, but I slipped again, gagging. “Fuck..” I whimpered softly, then retched again and heaved, throwing up all over the floor. I heard running footsteps and Gerard scooped me up off the floor like a little kid. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck,” he muttered, lifting me up to sit on the counter and handing me a large bowl. “I'm gonna clean this up and then we’re going to the goddamn hospital again.”  
I sniffed, tears running down my cheeks. “I'm okay, Gee,” I gasped, trying to sound convincing. “You go to work, I'll be alright. It's just a stomach bug.”  
I managed a smile, but he clearly wasn't buying it.   
“Fuck, Frank. You're throwing up blood, you're not oh-fucking-kay, and I'm not leaving you here!”  
I flinched as he raised his voice, but he hurried over to me quickly, lifting my head gently. “It's alright,” he murmured. “It's okay. Your Gee’s here, he's gonna take care of you. Can you stand up?”  
I slid off the counter, stumbling as I landed. “Fuck,” I whimpered, trembling as I leaned into Gerard. “I don't think I can walk..”  
He scooped me up again easily, holding me to his chest tightly. “Okay. I've got you, baby. This is really important. Did you throw up at school today?”  
I nodded slightly, grabbing at him shakily. I'd never heard him sound scared before, and it was terrifying. “Y-yeah, I thought it was just n-nerves.”  
“Oh baby,” Gerard sighed. “You're always doing this to yourself, huh?”  
I sniffed, burying my face in his chest. “It hurts, Gee.” I whined, feeling the fresh air on my face as he carried me to the car, stumbling slightly under my weight.   
“What hurts, Frankie? Tell me what hurts..”  
“My stomach,” I groaned, gagging again. Gerard lifted me into the passenger seat and handed me a bag quickly. “Here. You should have told me. How long has this been going on?”  
I rubbed my eye with the back of my hand, shaking even more now. “T-two days..”  
“For fuck’s-” Gerard cut himself off quickly, leaning up and kissing my cheek. “You need to tell me this stuff.”  
He slammed my door and got into the car, backing out of the driveway quickly and flooring it down the road. I heard him turn his phone on and he sighed loudly as he dialed a number.   
“This is Gerard Way. I'm not going to make it to my shift today. No. I'm sorry, it's an emergency. Yes, I'm going to call Cindy. She’ll tell you later but I have to go.”  
He hung up and dialed another number quickly. “Gerard Way. I'm bringing in my friend, he's had bad abdominal pain for two days and he's vomiting blood. Yes, I'm sure it's blood, I'm a probationary nurse! Jesus, I know what fucking blood looks like! It's bright red, he’s been throwing up at school as well, I think he's lost a lot of blood.”  
I gagged again and heaved, managing to get it into the bag. Gerard sighed, taking a turn far too fast.   
“Can you have someone ready, please? Can you talk to Cindy, she's on shift now, right? Thank you. I think he's...shit...Frank, stay with me, sweetie. No, I think he's about to pass out.”  
Gerard tossed his phone onto the dashboard and reached over, grabbing my shoulder and shaking me. “Frank? Baby, please! Stay with me!” He was shouting now, I could tell by the tone, but his voice was just getting quieter and quieter. 

I woke up with needles in my arms and something loud beeping at me from the corner. “Gee?”  
All I could hear was beeping. “Gerard?” I called out shakily, sniffling. I couldn't be here alone, surely? He wouldn't leave me here. Would he?  
“Gerard!”   
No answer. I felt the hot tears stream down my cheeks as I tried to sit up, screaming as pain burst through my stomach, setting it on fire. “Gerard! Where are you?”  
The door of the room slammed back, and I heard him running to me. “Holy fuck...baby, you're gonna wake the dead,” he laughed, but I could tell he was crying as he leaned over me, stroking my cheeks frantically. “I was in the bathroom, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you all alone, baby. I'm sorry.”  
I started to sob, each breath sending hot pain ripping through my body. “G-Gee..”  
“Shh, baby, don't cry. Shh. No crying, sweetie. It's alright. I'm here. Gee’s here, he's gonna protect you. It's okay, shh.”  
He comforted me quietly, holding my hands down and kissing my forehead over and over. “That's it,” he murmured as I started to relax, the tears still running down my cheeks. “Does it still hurt, baby?”  
I nodded shakily, trembling all over. He held onto my hand tightly. “I'm gonna up your pain meds, it's gonna feel better in a minute.”  
He fiddled with something and a couple seconds later, the pain started to wash away, leaving me shaky and sick. Gerard sat down on the edge of the bed, stroking my chest slowly. “That's it, Frankie. You're so brave, baby boy. You're so brave.”  
I sniffed, trying to grab at his hand. “What's going on?”  
Gerard took a deep breath just as the door slammed back again.   
“Frank? Frankie?” Mikey called out, sounding upset and worried. I felt a hand on my shoulder and shifted uncomfortably. “It's just me, Frank,” Mrs. Way said quietly, and Mikey shut the door behind me.   
“I don't know what's happening,” I whimpered, feeling tiny in the cold room. It smelled stark and of rubbing alcohol, and it scared me. “I don't like it in here. I can't...I want to go..”  
Gerard shushed me softly. “No, baby, you can't go just yet. Not yet. The doctors are still running tests to figure out what's going on, and you're on a drip and blood. You lost a lot of fluid as well as blood, and you need to rest. I promise everything will be okay, Frankie. I promise.”  
I sniffed, shrinking back under the blankets. Mikey sat down on the other side of the bed, rubbing my arm slowly. “What can we do to make you more comfortable? I know hospitals are kinda scary, and I know you like to be comfortable. What would help?”  
I put my arm over my eyes, still shaking just slightly. “P-pajamas. A-and something...something that smells nice. A-and that fucking beeping...I h-hate it.”  
Gerard leaned over and the beeping stopped. “Would some music be nice as well?” He asked gently, taking my hand and holding it tightly.   
I nodded slightly, trying to curl up and whimpering in pain. “Shh, lay still, Frankie. It's alright.”  
Mikey reached across me and touched Gerard’s shoulder. “Why don't you go fetch Frankie some things to make him feel better? You know what's best to get.”  
Gerard sighed and squeezed my hand. “Would that be okay?”  
I nodded again, letting his hand go reluctantly.   
“I won't be long, baby. I promise.”  
Mikey held my hand as I waited, shivering. “You should have said something to someone, Frankie,” Mikey murmured after a short silence.   
“I didn't know it was blood..”  
“I know, but if you're not feeling good, no one minds you saying so. You're not letting anyone down or anything. We don't think you're weak. We love you.”  
“Where's my mom?”  
Mrs. Way touched my other hand gently, stroking her fingertips over my knuckles. “I contacted her, but I haven't heard anything back yet, I'm sorry, Frankie.”  
I tried to sit up again, but Mikey gently pushed me back. “You need to rest, Frank. For all of us.”  
I blinked and suddenly felt panic wash over me. “What about my finals? I can't...I can't miss my finals, Mikey! I can't be in here, I-”  
“Gerard thinks it might be serious, Frank,” Donna said firmly, rubbing the inside of my forearm slowly. “He's very scared and I think under these conditions, they'll waive your tests or figure something out. You don't need to worry about it.”  
I relaxed slightly, closing my eyes tightly. “It still hurts.”  
“I don't think we can give you more drugs,” Mikey sighed, lifting my hand and kissing the back of it softly. “God, if you could see yourself, Frankie. You'd say you looked like something from a Hammer film.”  
I smiled just slightly and Mikey went on.   
“You're all pale like Dracula, but with a little more yellow, so maybe a mummy. Yeah, that sounds right.”  
I giggled a little, but stopped quickly when the pain spiked again. Mikey brushed my hair out of my face gently. “You need a haircut too. Jeez, you're just such a mess. Get it together.”  
I smiled, leaning into his touch slightly. The door opened again, a little more quietly this time. “Hey..” Gerard said softly, walking up to the bed. “I brought you some stuff, sweetie.”  
I turned my head to face him, managing another small smile. “Thank you..”  
He sat down on the edge of the bed, humming softly. “I brought some lavender oil, you can put a tiny bit on your pillow, and some candles I like. You can't burn them, obviously, but they smell nice anyway. Um. Your favorite pajamas, and that blanket from my bed you like. And I brought you some presents, but I'll give you those in a bit.”  
I nodded, grabbing at his hand carefully. “Thank you...thank you, Gee.”  
He leaned down, kissing my cheek softly.   
“Will you help me get changed?”  
“Of course, Frankie..”  
I heard Mikey and Donna walk out, then Gerard put one hand under my back and the other under my neck. “I'm just gonna lift you, this might hurt a little.”  
He lifted me into a sitting position and quickly undid the hospital gown, pulling it away. He tugged a shirt on over my head, helping me sort out the drip leads. Then he helped me into a pair of boxers and my pajama trousers before pulling the sheets back over me. “There. Feel better?”  
I nodded slightly and he leaned over me. The smell of lavender filled my nostrils and I breathed in happily, closing my eyes. “Mm.”  
“I'll take the tops off the candles too..”  
More lavender and vanilla flooded the room and I relaxed deeply, my hand slipping off his leg.   
“Are you getting sleepy?” Gerard murmured worriedly, stroking my hair.   
“A little. I'm just...I've been so tired lately...I'm just...tired.”


	11. Periwinkle

Someone was holding my hand when I woke up again. Someone else was crying in the corner. I whined softly as I shifted, then gasped in pain.   
“It's okay, Frankie,” Gerard murmured, but his voice was cracked and shaky. “I'll turn your meds up.”  
I tried to grab at him, but he batted my hands away gently, starting to stroke my chest rhythmically. “Shh, Frankie. I've got you.”  
“Who's crying? What's going on?”  
Gerard sighed quietly. “You're so panicky, sweetie. It's Mikey...we've um...we've had some bad news, Frankie.”  
I sniffed, terror taking a hold on my heart, its fingers freezing cold as it squeezed. “Wh-what kind of bad news?”  
Gerard took a deep, shaky breath. “Frank...baby, you have stomach cancer. Apparently your family has a history, and with the really bad diet you've had the last couple years...it's not very late stage, and they think the surgery should be effective...but we’re all worried about you.”  
I blinked, surprised that no tears were coming. I let my mind drift away, busying itself with the smells in the room and the feel of the sheets against my skin, even with the sound of Mikey trying to hold back tears. I couldn't think about the word, that one damn word. Cancer. 

Gerard was laying next to me, running his hand down my chest over and over. “Shh. Close your eyes, Frankie. Try and get some sleep, please?”  
I shook my head slightly, shivering. “No.”  
“Frank...I...how about I show you those presents?”  
“You can't show me anything,” I snapped bitterly. Gerard sighed and sat up, a plastic bag rustling overhead. “Here.”  
He handed me something plush and soft, and I ran my hands over it, frowning. “It's a plush puppy...you like dogs, right?”  
I sniffed, hugging it tightly. “Mhm.”  
Gerard ran his hand over my side, kissing my forehead. “I won't always be able to be here, so I thought he could be your friend. And I um..” He pressed a small, cold oblong of metal into my hand. “I bought you an MP3 player. It's designed for blind people, so it has Braille and stuff on the buttons...I dunno...but I loaded it with some of my favorite playlists and some audiobooks, and all your music. I was gonna give it to you for the end of the school year, but I thought you might like it to keep busy.”  
I shifted, hugging him carefully. “Thank you. Thank you so so much.”  
Gerard buried his face in my neck, clinging to me. “I'm not gonna let anyone take you from me, Frankie. If cancer tries to, I'm gonna kick its fucking ass and tell it to go fuck itself. Cancer’s a cunt and it's not gonna do this to you. I'm not gonna let it.”  
I squeezed him as tightly as I could, sniffling. “I-okay, Gee. I...I love you.”  
The surge was there again, making me want to laugh and cry at the same time, just because he was holding me. Just because he wanted to fight for me. Because he was there.   
“I love you too, Frank. I don't care that this is all fast or whatever, I know that I love you.”   
“I d-don't know why..” I mumbled. Gerard stroked my hair slowly, still clinging to me.   
“What d’you mean?”  
I sniffed, trembling slightly. “You're really handsome and amazing and brave. And you have a career ahead of you, you're 21, you're like an adult and stuff...and I'm just some pathetic blind kid with a fucked up life. And now I'm gonna be throwing up and shit for months, cause of the fucking chemo. Why the fuck would anyone love me?”  
Gerard sighed and nuzzled my cheek gently, kissing my jaw softly. “Frank. You're nearly an adult, for a start. And you're stunning, you're handsome and hot and really really kind and sweet, as well as really fucking funny sometimes. You're amazing, you don't let anything slow you down. You get yourself to school, and you excel at school. You took what, four APs this year? I could barely manage one without flunking. I forget you're blind all the time, because you're so confident and on the ball, and I look at you and I just wanna kiss you and laugh and cry and cuddle you, because you're everything to me. You accepted me for who I am without even the tiniest hesitation, and you have the biggest heart. I look up to you, Frankie. I admire you. Nothing is going to change that.”

Gerard was holding my hand tightly. “I'm going to be with you the whole time. I'm in all my scrubs and I'm going to be there for the whole surgery. I'm not going to leave you.”  
I sniffed, starting to feel woozy already. “I'm scared, Gee..”  
“I know, but this surgeon is really good, Frankie. You're gonna be just fine and you're gonna wake up in a few hours and be a little sore. And then we’re gonna curl up together and watch some tv, yeah? Sound good?”  
I nodded slightly, but I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, my fingers feeling heavy as I tried to squeeze his hand. 

I woke up and slapped the alarm clock on my bedside table. “It is five forty six.”  
The metallic and fake-sounding voice was irritating, but better than staring at a clock and pretending I could read it. My surgery had been scheduled for one, so I figured about four hours on the table. I called out softly. “Gerard?”  
I heard a shifting noise and then a quiet snore. I giggled and grabbed my headphones, careful not to move too much. I was just about to start an audiobook off when Mikey burst into the room. “I brought dinner!”  
Gerard groaned as he woke up, and I put the headphones aside. “Gee?”  
I heard his chair bang against the wall as he jumped up and ran to me, kissing my forehead. “Hey baby. Do you feel okay?”  
“Groggy and sore,” I smiled sadly, letting him stroke my hair and cheek.   
“Fuck, I missed you,” he mumbled. “I was so worried. Even though I knew it was okay, I was worried. You're gonna have a scan tomorrow and they're gonna figure out what to do next. Okay?”  
I nodded, touching his arm gently. “Slow down, Geebear. Too much info too quickly.”  
He chuckled and repeated it a little slower, holding my hands tightly. “The surgeon is really happy with how things went, though. He said you won't have any complications and you shouldn't have to do a long round of chemo.”  
I sighed softly. “And when can I eat next?”  
Gerard went quiet, kissing my forehead softly. “Not for another forty eight hours. That's what the drip’s for..”  
I nodded, letting my head fall back on the pillow. “Then stop bringing in takeout,” I giggled. “It smells too good.”  
“We just love to torture you,” Mikey chuckled, then seemed to turn to Gerard. “Can't he have a tiny bite of something?”  
Gerard shook his head. “I wish, but I'm inclined to stick to doctor’s orders here. I'm sorry guys.”   
I smiled and reached for his hand shakily. “Gee.”  
He took my hand quickly. “Yeah, baby? What's wrong?”  
I shifted slightly and gently pulled on his hand. “I want cuddles, Geebear.”  
He chuckled softly and kissed my forehead gently. “Is it okay if I have something to eat first, just quickly? Visitor hours are over at six, but one of us can stay overnight, so..”  
I nodded, biting my lip. “Hurry up then,” I half-joked, letting go of his hand.   
Gerard turned the tv on for background noise and went over to Mikey. I dozed for a little while, exhausted still. As soon as Mikey kissed my cheek and left, Gerard scooted me over carefully and got into bed with me, holding me tightly as I snuggled up to his chest. “Is that better?”  
I nodded, nuzzling his jaw. “Mhm. Much.”  
Gerard shifted, running his hand down my back slowly. “Baby, can we talk about some stuff?”  
I grunted, grabbing onto his scrubs and holding on tightly. “Like what?”  
“Well...you're doing really well, baby, but I feel like you need to talk about stuff. Like your mom and this...you bottle stuff up and it's not good for you..”  
I sighed, nuzzling him again, trying to get him to touch me more. Having conversations without touch for me was like talking to someone through a door. It made it almost impossible to tell how they were feeling or reacting to anything.   
Gerard stroked my cheek, kissing my forehead softly. “Please, baby?”  
“Okay...what do you want me to say?”  
“How are you feeling?” Gerard murmured, tightening his grip on me carefully.   
I sighed and rested my forehead on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. “I'm exhausted, mentally and physically. I don't think I really feel much other than tired. I'm angry that my mom hasn't come to see me. I'm angry that this is happening to me. I'm scared, because people keep coming and going in here and they fiddle with things and never talk to me.”  
“Do you miss your mom?” Gerard asked softly, kissing the top of my head.   
“Not day to day. I just get on with stuff and don't think about it. My life is better now and although it wasn't a very nice way to make it better, I appreciate that it is better.”  
“But you miss her now?”  
I nodded slightly, lifting my head to face him. “Mhm. I miss the woman she used to be, I guess. And I miss my dad.”  
Gerard stiffened. “Shit. I didn't think about your dad.”  
I smiled sadly. “That doesn't really help with the fear. Being stuck in hospital for cancer when your dad died of it.”  
Gerard squeezed me gently. “Your dad didn't have me,” he said firmly, stroking my hair. “And I'm not letting anything touch you.”  
I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand. “Too late, Gee.”  
He sighed and kissed my cheek softly. “It's not too late. Did you really mean what you said before? About...love?”  
I nodded quickly, smiling. “Of course. I'm new to it, but I think I love you. I certainly love you as a friend, but I'm almost sure I love you romantically.”  
“Almost sure?” Gerard chuckled, rubbing my back slowly. “I am sure, baby.”  
“Then kiss me,” I grinned, reaching up to place my hand on his cheek. He leaned into my touch briefly, then tilted my chin up and kissed me softly, pulling me closer to him. I kissed back eagerly, clinging to him as he held me close.


	12. Rainbow

Gerard carried me inside, laying me down in his bed carefully. “There we go. That must feel better.”  
I smiled to myself, nodding slightly. “I feel like I can finally relax again. Thank you, Gee.”  
He leaned over, kissing my forehead. “I was so ready to have you home again, baby. You have no idea.”   
“Why did you want me home so bad?” I hummed, playing with his hair as it fell over my face.   
“Because now I can cuddle you properly and we can watch movies and I can feed you ice cream and hug you until you're sick of me.”  
I giggled, smiling up at him. “I don't think I could ever get sick of you.”  
“I guess we’ll find out.”  
He lifted the hem of my shirt carefully, stroking my side. “This scar looks really good, it's healing perfectly.”  
“Is it gonna be there forever?” I whined, feeling Gerard trace the scar with a fingertip.   
“Yeah, I'm sorry, baby.”  
I shrugged. “At least we match now, I guess.”  
He chuckled and stroked my cheek slowly. “I wish I was as optimistic as you, baby. Do you want anything to eat?”  
“I could murder a veggie cheeseburger,” I giggled, shaking my head. “But I'm not allowed anything big, am I?”  
Gerard sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, stroking my chest slowly. “Not just yet, baby. I'm sorry. I can get you some rice.”  
I pulled a face. “Not right now, thanks. Can we just lay down for a bit?”  
Gerard sighed again quietly. “I have to go and study for a bit, sweetie. I have that big exam coming up, if I pass, I'll get a proper placement.”  
I frowned and grabbed at his hand, squeezing it gently. “Go, go study, Geebear. That's more important right now. I'll listen to one of my books and not do very much for a while.”  
“Are you sure you'll be okay?”  
“Yes. I am sure I'll be okay. I'm not gonna die of boredom just yet.”  
He chuckled and kissed my forehead. “Okay, I'll be in the next room if you need me. I love you, little one.”  
I brushed my fingers over his cheek. “I love you too.”

Gerard gently shook me awake, chuckling softly. “Hey Frankie. You feeling okay?”  
“Still tired,” I mumbled, stretching very carefully. “Am I allowed a bath?”  
Gerard lifted my shirt again, humming to himself briefly. “Yeah, I think that would be okay. Not too hot.”  
I nodded, yawning. “I'm just sick of being sponged down.”  
Gerard chuckled, picking me up carefully. “Even though I was doing it?”  
“Mhm. No offense meant, I just want a real bath.”  
Gerard walked me to the bathroom and set me down on the toilet lid, turning the tap on. “Do you feel okay other than tired? No dizziness or sickness?”  
I shook my head. “No, I feel okay apart from sleepy. I guess that's all gonna change on Friday, right?”  
Gerard sighed and started to undress me carefully, his fingers warm where they brushed my skin. “Yeah, I'm sorry, baby.”  
“It's not your fault,” I pointed out gently. “At least Friday is Mikey's last day.”  
Gerard chuckled. “He says he's gonna spend every minute with you while I'm at work.”  
I sighed and nodded. “I don't really want him to if I'm gonna be throwing up everywhere.”  
Gerard stroked my hair, lifting me up carefully and setting me down in the tub. I shivered happily, dipping my fingers into the warm water. “He won't mind, Frankie. He just wants to be there for you.”  
“I know, but he shouldn't have to be. He’ll be eighteen in a couple months, he should be out having fun and shit.”  
“With who? He doesn't really have any other friends,” Gerard pointed out, carefully pouring the water over my chest. I leaned back quietly, sinking down slightly as the water rose, lapping at my skin.   
“He has Ray. And Hayley, they're nice.”  
“Frankie, I'm trying to say that I think he'd rather spend time with you than with people he doesn't know very well. I know Mikey, and he'd feel guilty out ‘having fun’ with other people when he knew you were here.”  
I sighed and relaxed as his soft hands ran over my skin, washing me off carefully. “I know, I just...I don't want him to feel guilty.”  
“And that's good. You're a good friend, Frankie.”  
I turned my head to face him, biting my lip. “How long will I be at the hospital Friday?”  
“It depends, love. You’ll have the treatment for an hour and they'll keep you in until you feel well enough to go home. If you have a really bad reaction, you could be there for a while.”  
“Will you be there?”  
“Yes. I might not be there for every single appointment because I'm not technically related to you or officially dating you, so they're not too worried about switching my shifts to make it easier. But someone will always be there to hold your hand. I'll make sure of that.”  
Gerard started to wash my legs, humming to me softly. I leaned back, enjoying the quiet splashing of the water and the feel of Gerard's gentle hands against my skin. “Gee?”  
“Yes, baby?”  
“I'm still scared.”  
“I know, baby. I'm here.”  
I let my head fall to the side, my cheek resting on the cold surface of the tub. Gerard finished washing me off and sat there for a while, his fingers trailing in the water. “I love staring at you,” he said at last. I giggled and rolled my eyes. “I don't know why.”  
“Because you're cute and I love you. That's why.”   
“You'd better enjoy it now. I won't be very cute on Friday. Or after.”  
Gerard chuckled and gently took one of my hands, tracing circles on my palm with a fingertip. “You'll always be cute to me, Frankie.”   
I smiled, laying completely relaxed. “If you say so.”   
“Mhm. I do. I thought you were adorable the first time I saw you.”   
“Really? I can’t really say anything about the first time I saw you.”   
Gerard laughed, letting go of my hand and stroking my cheek slowly. “But you must have had a first impression.”   
“Mhm. It was the floor on my face,” I teased, turning my head to kiss his hand.   
“Alright, I give up.”   
I smiled at him, running a hand through my hair. “No...Mikey told me what you looked like...and the first thing that really stood out to me was that your hair was red.”   
“Why’s that?” He hummed, his hand brushing my jaw.   
I shrugged and stretched, yawning. “Well..I remember some things from when I had my sight. I remember colors okay, but more the feel of colors than what they look like. Red to me is a passionate color, loud. Even angry. So I guess I started to think of you like that. Imagine how confused I was when I started getting to know you,” I grinned, slipping lower into the water.  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”   
I rolled my eyes and giggled. “It means that I think you’re sweet and kind and gentle. Not loud or angry or whatever.”   
“Alright. So what color should I dye my hair?”   
I curled up, hugging myself. “Blue. Orange? I dunno. Green, maybe.”   
“So rainbow?”   
I grinned, nodding slightly. “Sure.”   
“Are you getting cold, baby?”   
I shifted, sighing softly. “Yeah, but I’m enjoying just talking to you for a while. It’s nice.”   
Gerard leaned over, kissing my forehead softly. “I can take you to bed and we could talk then?”   
I nodded, sitting up carefully. “That sounds great, but so does something to eat.”  
“Okay. How about you get dry while I go and make you something?”   
I smiled, standing up a little shakily. “Alright.”   
Gerard held my hand as I stepped out of the tub, then handed me the towel. “I’ll be back, okay?”   
I hummed softly, starting to dry off carefully.   
After a few minutes, I wrapped the towel around my waist and headed into the kitchen, trailing the fingertips of my right hand along the wall so I knew where I was going. “Gee?”  
He hummed softly. “I’m right here, baby, you okay?”   
I nodded, walking over to him and rubbing his back slowly. “Yeah, I’m okay.”   
“You gonna put some clothes on?”   
I giggled and shook my head. “Nope. Do you have a problem with that?”   
“A little bit.”   
I frowned, rubbing one eye. “Oh..um..sorry..”   
Gerard chuckled and pulled me closer to him, wrapping an arm around my waist. “I meant I have a problem with it because I can’t do anything about it.”   
I tried to pull away, but he tugged me closer again. “I’m confused, Gee..”   
He sighed, nuzzling my cheek. “I meant that I want to do something with you, but I’m worried about hurting you.”   
I blinked, turning away. “Oh...I um...okay.”   
“C’mon, baby, how about we go sit down? Can you get to the bedroom? I’ll follow you with some food.”   
I nodded and walked off quietly, dropping the towel as soon as I was in the bedroom and digging out a pair of boxers, tugging them on. Gerard walked in and sighed. “Frankie, baby, I didn’t mean-”  
“It’s fine. See? It’s fine now,” I snapped. Gerard stopped and I heard him set some plates down on the bedside table.   
“Frank, you just raised your voice to me.”   
I buried my face in my hands just before Gerard hugged me tightly. “Come here. Don’t cry.”   
I tried to pull away, sniffling. “I didn’t mean to, I...I’m sorry.”   
“I know, I know.” He gently pulled me over to the bed and guided me to sit down. “I wanted to make you happy, and I went about it the wrong way. All we have to do is put it behind us, okay? Now, I know you’re hungry, so I made you a sandwich.”   
Gerard sat down next to me, handing me a plate.   
“I’m sorry for overreacting, Gee,” I murmured, leaning my head on his shoulder.   
“You don’t have to apologize, Frankie. Just eat something, I’m worried about you.”  
I smiled slightly and took a bite of the sandwich. Gerard rubbed my back slowly.   
“What did you always imagine you’d do when you turned eighteen?” He asked softly, kissing the side of my head.   
“I dunno. Get a tattoo, probably. Why?”   
“I was just thinking about it. I always thought I’d go to art college, and now I’m taking a test to be a nurse tomorrow.”   
“Shit. Is it tomorrow?”   
“Yeah, baby. I gotta be out early for it.”   
“Okay. wake me up before you go, yeah? I wanna see you off. And I didn’t know you were an artist..”   
Gerard chuckled, shrugging. “I got rejected a few times, by universities, and I guess I gave up. I still draw sometimes, I just don’t really have time anymore.”  
“Aw, I wish I could see some of it,” I hummed, stroking his chest slowly. “I'm sure you're really good, Gee.”  
He stroked my hair, sighing softly. “You know you could still get a tattoo.”  
I bit my lip lightly. “I don't really want to anymore. I think it would just make me sad, knowing it was there and not being able to see it.”  
I took the last bite of my sandwich and Gerard took the plate, setting it aside carefully. “I'm sorry, baby.”  
“It's okay..” I smiled, hugging him loosely. “If I wasn't blind I wouldn't have met you.”   
“Well..”   
“Shush, it makes me feel better so don't ruin it.”  
Gerard chuckled, standing up. “I'm gonna get changed, do you wanna curl up?”  
I nodded, getting up and pulling the covers back from the bed so I could crawl in. Gerard hummed to himself as he changed, not really a tune, just a habit. I sat up suddenly and he stopped. “Frankie?”  
I groaned quietly, hugging myself. “Gee..”  
He hurried over and stroked my hair, lifting my chin. “What's wrong? Does your stomach hurt?”  
I nodded shakily and he sighed, sitting down and pulling me against his bare chest. “I'm sorry, baby, I'm sorry.”  
I grabbed onto him, clinging to him as I buried my face in his neck and tried not to cry, my whole body trembling.   
“Frankie...Frankie, baby, if you let go, I can get you some medication..”  
“Don't leave me..” I whimpered, involuntary tears running down my cheeks and dripping onto his shoulder. “Please..”  
Gerard sighed and picked me up carefully, carrying me to the bathroom. He set me down on the toilet and started rummaging through some cabinets. I gagged suddenly, the nausea rising quickly. Gerard rubbed my back, trying to calm me down. “Shh, baby, you need to keep it down. Come on..”  
He kept trying to find the pills, muttering curse words under his breath. He sighed and gently pulled my arm away from my body. “Hold that there. Hang on a second.”  
He let go of me and I heard him shaking some kind of liquid before he grabbed my arm again. There was a soft popping noise and he took a deep breath. “Hold still, baby, this might pinch..”  
He rubbed the inside of my elbow briefly, then pressed something against it. I cried out as the needle went in.   
“Fuck, Gee! Couldn't you w-warn me?”  
“I'm sorry, Frankie,” Gerard murmured, stroking my hair. “It's a sedative, it was the only thing I could find. Try and take deep breaths, you’ll be out in a minute..”  
I nodded, trusting him completely as he scooped me up, carrying me back towards the bedroom bridal style. “I'm scared..”  
“I know, Frankie. But I'm here.”


	13. Cream

Gerard kissed my forehead softly. He'd obviously talked to the nurse, as she was explaining everything she was doing.   
“I'm going to put a drip in one arm and the medication lead in the other, okay? You can lay down or sit up, but you'll probably start to feel nauseous fairly quickly. Gerard will help you with everything, he's good at this.”  
“I know,” I smiled, trying to keep my outward calm, but my fingers were trembling.   
“I'm putting the drip needle in now, take a deep breath..”   
I bit my lip and winced as the needle went in, then sat still as she slid the other needle into my other arm.   
“There you go..” She flicked a switch near my head and Gerard grabbed my hand, squeezing it gently. “I've started the treatment, try and relax, Frank. I'll be back in an hour.”  
I listened to her walk out, then turned to Gerard.  
“I know you're scared, Frankie,” he murmured, before I could say anything. “Why don't you lay down for a bit?”  
I nodded, carefully lowering myself to the bed and curling up. “What's the time?”  
“It's nearly three, sweetie, Mikey will be here soon,” Gerard said softly, running his fingers through my hair as he laid down facing me, his other hand on my side.   
I grabbed at his shirt gently, running my fingers over the collar. He was wearing scrubs. “Gee..?”  
“Mhm?”  
“Are you working today?”  
Gerard sighed softly and moved closer to me, resting his forehead against mine. “Yeah, I have a shift that starts at seven tonight, and I didn't know if I'd have time to change.”  
I frowned, reaching over and wrapping my arm around him shakily. “You won't be home tonight?”  
Gerard kissed my cheek, carefully pulling me against his chest. “No, sweetie. Mikey is gonna take you home with him. He’ll stay with you and I'll pick you up in the morning.”  
I sighed softly and nodded. “Okay, Gee.”  
“I'm sorry.”  
I smiled slightly and snuggled up to him, holding onto him tightly. “It's not your fault. When do you know if you passed yesterday?”  
Gerard hugged me loosely, kissing my cheek. “I'm hoping they'll tell me tonight, and then I might get placed tomorrow.”   
I closed my eyes, letting my breathing slow and even out.   
“Are you falling asleep?” Gerard laughed quietly, taking one of my hands and lacing our fingers.   
“I was,” I mumbled, not opening my eyes.   
“Sorry, I'll be quiet,” he whispered, kissing my forehead and letting me nod off again.   
I was woken what must have been only a couple minutes later when Mikey opened the door and stepped into the room. “Frankie?”  
Gerard shushed him softly, sitting up carefully. I yawned, grabbing onto Gerard and pulling myself up against him, using his shoulder as a headrest. He wrapped an arm around me automatically as Mikey sat down on the edge of the bed and took my hand, stroking his thumb over my knuckles. “How do you feel?”  
I shrugged slightly. “Tired. I'm starting to feel a little gross, but mostly just groggy.”  
Gerard kissed my cheek. “Any nausea yet?”  
I shook my head and yawned again, nuzzling his neck. Mikey sighed, sounding worried.  
“You’ll be okay, Frankie,” Gerard said firmly, but I figured it was more for Mikey’s benefit than mine. Pain shot through my stomach suddenly and I winced, curling up slightly. Gerard rubbed my back calmly, but held me a little tighter. “Does it hurt?”  
I nodded slightly, not daring to speak as the nausea flooded through me. I felt like I was on a boat, the bed rocking under me. Gerard managed to grab the basin and hand it to me just as I threw up, heaving and retching.   
“Oh baby..” He soothed, playing with the hair on the back of my neck. “It's alright. There's not much to throw up anyway.”  
I tried to sit up properly, but as soon as I moved, the nausea was back and I vomited again, my body trying to force me to throw up without anything in my stomach. Gerard wiped my mouth with a damp cloth and set the basin aside, pulling me into a tight hug. “Shh, baby. Shh...I'm here.”  
I clung to him shakily, starting to sob softly as pain settled down in my stomach, dull and constant.   
“Frank, it's gonna be okay,” Mikey said quietly, but he seemed unsure and frightened.   
“It's not..” I moaned quietly, in between now fading sobs. Gerard shushed me, rocking me slightly. “Shh, Frankie. It will. You're more than halfway through this, and I know how strong you are, baby. Just keep taking deep breaths.”  
I nodded and buried my face in his neck, digging my nails into his back as a wave of nausea broke over me. 

I didn't remember much of the last half hour of treatment afterwards, but it had consisted mainly of crying and nausea, constant nausea. Now Gerard was holding my hand as I lay quietly, half asleep. He was talking to Mikey softly, about his day. I tuned in a little more when I heard my name.   
“I just don't know how to help, Gee.”  
Gerard sighed. “Mikes, all you have to do is hold his hand and be there. I know you're worried and you don't know what's going to happen, but you need to encourage him. He can't do this on his own.”  
“I love him, Gee, but I'm not good at this stuff.”  
“Then sit here and hold his hand and talk him through a movie or something. Treating him like he's gonna die or he's infectious or something will make him feel so so much worse. Treat him normally, just with a little more care and a little more love. That's all.”  
Mikey paused before he spoke again. “I just hope I can be there for him as well as you can.”   
At this point, I simply couldn't stay awake any longer and I slipped into a deep sleep.   
~  
Gerard was laying behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist tightly. His chin was tucked over my shoulder, his whole body pressed to mine as we listened to the audiobook together.   
“How do you feel this evening?” Gerard asked softly. He'd been asleep all day after a night shift, and I’d spent some time with Mikey, walking around the shops and getting some new clothes.   
“A lot better. Did you get your placement today?”  
Gerard nodded slightly. “Mhm. I'm in the ER, which is where I wanted to be. I'm good under pressure, or at least better than a lot of other nurses.”  
I stroked his arm slowly, shifting slightly. “Do you want to celebrate?”  
Gerard kissed the side of my neck briefly. “What do you mean?”  
I took one of his hands, sliding it down my body, just a little lower. He chuckled and moved it back up, but slowly. “If you want to, then we’re doing it slowly and properly. I don't want to rush things with you, it's not right.”  
I nodded slightly, a lump rising in my throat. “Okay.”  
He nuzzled my neck gently, trailing a finger down my bare spine. “What do you want to do, baby boy?”  
I swallowed hard, trying to sound confident. “I want to go all the way, Gee.”  
He hesitated, then kissed the back of my neck. “Are you sure, little one?”  
I nodded again, my hands shaking slightly. “I just...how?”  
Gerard purred softly, hugging me tightly. “There's three ways. You could top me and use either y’know, dealer’s choice, or you could bottom for me..”  
I blinked, shivering a little. I wasn't at home in this area, I wasn't as experienced sexually as I liked to imply. I was embarrassed. “H-how?”  
“I have a strap on,” Gerard said quietly, brushing his knuckles over my cheek. “I'd like you to pick what you'd find most comfortable.”  
I blushed deeply and sighed. “Can I top?”  
“Of course, baby…”  
Gerard ran his hand across my stomach slowly, kissing the back of my neck and moving across to the side, sucking and licking and biting ever so gently. I let my eyes slip closed, my head tilting away from him. He nipped a little harder than usual just as he slipped his hand under my boxers, stroking me slowly. I whimpered and shivered, his other hand spread over my stomach. “You're so sexy, Frankie...I wish you could see yourself, baby. You're so beautiful..”  
I whined, thrusting up into his hand impatiently, already almost hard. “G-Gee..”  
“I know, sweetie. I'm here..”  
He let go of me carefully and I sat up immediately, rolling him over onto his back and straddling his hips. Gerard chuckled, continuing to stroke me frustratingly slowly as I fumbled with his pajama pants, finally managing to get them off after a couple minutes. I very gently pushed Gerard's hand away and lifted his legs, smiling at him nervously. “Do you have..uh..”  
Gerard sat up and I heard him tear a packet, kissing me softly as he rolled the condom over my length carefully. I deepened the kiss, pushing him down slowly as he smoothed lube over me as well, his fingers delicate. I pushed his legs up again impatiently, feeling around carefully to find the right area before slowly starting to push in. Gerard's back arched and he groaned quietly, clinging to my sides as I filled him up, smiling down at him. I wasn't nervous anymore, too lost in the moment to worry. I started to pull out slowly and Gerard tapped my side gently. “Baby, I think this might be easier if I get on my stomach. Yeah?”  
I nodded slightly, pulling out and letting him turn over before grabbing his hips aggressively and shoving myself all the way into him again. Gerard cried out, shaking as he fell onto the bed. “F-fuck that's good..”  
I grinned and put one hand on the small of his back, the other on his hip, and started to pound him as hard as I could, making him squeal with each and every thrust.

Gerard panted softly, holding me against his chest. “That was amazing, Frankie.”  
I nuzzled him happily, feeling myself blush. “I'm glad you liked it.”  
He purred quietly, rubbing my back. “I think that's the best sex I've ever had, sweetie. Most guys don't know what to do with me, but you just didn't care.”  
I giggled, enjoying the feeling of sweat evaporating off my chest. “I wanna fuck you like that every day.”  
Gerard hummed softly. “Next time, I wanna take charge. My turn. I'm gonna show you some fun.”  
I rolled over onto my stomach, wriggling so my chest was against his and our legs tangled together as he laid on his back comfortably.   
“Sounds great.”  
“Frank, your junk is um..”  
“Right between your legs?” I giggled, grinning at him. “Good.”  
He sighed loudly. “Fuck, you can't still be horny? I'm fucking exhausted.”  
“That's cause you're an old man,” I teased. Gerard laughed, slapping my ass lightly.  
“Mhm. Next time you wanna pound me through the mattress, I'll remember that you called me an old man.”  
“Please, Gee?”  
He sighed, stroking my hair back from my face. “No, I'm sorry baby. I really am exhausted and I have to go to work in an hour. Can we just cuddle for a while?”  
I frowned, but nodded, shifting so I was laying diagonally, my chest on his and my legs against the bed.   
“I'm sorry, Frankie, really..”  
I kissed him briefly. “I know, and it's alright. I love you, y'know.”   
“I love you too..” Gerard murmured, stroking my back slowly. “I could do with another kiss, I think.”  
I giggled quietly and took his cheeks in my hands, kissing him confidently and happily. He tangled his fingers in my hair, drawing me closer to him as he kissed me, still holding me tightly.


	14. Indigo

I held the plush puppy to my chest, trembling as Gerard held my hand. We were waiting for the doctor to come in. Gerard stroked my hair and sighed. “Baby, I think we should shave your head..”  
I glared at him, then sighed as well, ducking my head. “If you think so.”  
“I think you’ll look like a badass,” Gerard chuckled, leaning over and kissing my cheek. I hugged Sweetpea closer to me, sniffling.   
“I don't feel like a person, let alone a badass.”  
I heard footsteps just before the door opened and someone slipped into the room.   
“Hey, Frank,” said a quiet voice. The doctor squeezed my shoulder gently.   
“Hi, Doctor Parente..” I mumbled, leaning towards Gerard slightly. The doctor walked away from me, sitting down behind his desk in front of us.   
“I've had the scan results back, and I'm really pleased to say that it's looking really good! Your chemo is completely on track and you should be all set to finish before your birthday. I'm going to order you another scan in a month, okay? But for now, I think you boys should go home, get some rest.”

Gerard kissed me as soon as we were in the privacy of his car. “I'm so pleased, Frankie,” he murmured, stroking my cheek slowly. “We’re gonna get through this, I promise.”  
I sniffed, resting my forehead on his. “I hope so.”  
My hands were shaking, but that wasn't uncommon. I'd already lost a lot of weight, due to having no appetite and throwing up pretty much anything I tried to eat. Gerard stroked my side slowly, humming softly. “You're gonna be just fine, Frankie. What do you wanna do for a while?”  
“Can we just go home? I'm so tired..”  
Gerard kissed me again, softer and with even more love. “Of course. I love you.”

~

I threw up again, shaking badly. Mikey took the basin from me, then swore loudly and got up, hurrying out of the room. A nurse ran in a few minutes later, then ran out again. Mikey came back and sat down on the edge of the bed. “You're throwing up blood again, Frankie,” he said quietly, rubbing my leg gently. “They're gonna go get the doctor.”  
I nodded, too exhausted to care as I leaned my head back against the wall. I could hear people walking and talking outside, and one person running. The door was pushed open quickly and the person stood there for a second, then hurried over and kissed my forehead.   
“Hi Gee,” I murmured, my voice raspy. He nuzzled my cheek, then pulled me into a hug. I tried to wriggle away, fire dancing on my skin as he touched me. Gerard held on and I relaxed quickly, burying my face in his neck. “I can't be long, baby, I'm sorry. I heard what's going on and I just wanted to see you. You're going to be okay. You're gonna fight through this, whatever it is..”  
Someone else came into the room and Gerard let go of me, rubbing my shoulder.   
“Hello, Gerard,” Doctor Parente said quietly. “I heard you'd been placed in the ER. That'll keep your scrubs decorated.”  
Gerard sighed and I suddenly noticed the metallic stink of blood radiating off him. I gently pushed him away, wrinkling my nose so he knew why.   
The doctor walked over to me. “How are you feeling?” He asked, gently pressing on my stomach.   
“Tired, nauseous. Shaky. My skin hurts to touch.”  
“How's your stomach feeling?”  
I shrugged. “It hurts, but no more than usual.”  
“Okay. I think your stomach lining is probably just inflamed. Somebody keep an eye on this, if he keeps vomiting blood for more than twenty four hours, let me know.”  
“Okay,” Gerard said quietly. “Mikey, did you get that?”  
“Yeah,” he murmured, rubbing my leg gently. “I'll keep you updated, Gee. Go back to work..”  
Gerard sighed and waited until the doctor left, then touched my arm lightly. “Can I have a quick kiss?”  
I nodded, smiling slightly. “You smell bad.”  
“I know, I'm sorry,” he chuckled, leaning down and kissing me softly. “I gotta go, but I'll be back here at five to take you home, yeah?”  
I brushed my fingers over his cheek. “Okay. I love you.”  
Gerard smiled, squeezing my shoulder. “I love you too, and that haircut still looks good on you, baby.”  
I rolled my eyes and waved. “Go away.”   
Mikey shifted closer to me as Gerard walked out quietly. I sighed and leaned my head on his shoulder. “I feel shitty.”  
“I know, Frankie,” he murmured, rubbing my back. I batted his hand away casually and he ignored it. “Just fifteen more minutes.” 

~

Gerard's keys jingled as he walked into the apartment. “Frankie?”  
I didn't reply, curling up a little tighter on the couch, but turning up the tv volume a little so he'd figure out where I was.   
His footsteps came closer as the smell of Indian takeout flooded the room.   
“I brought dinner home, baby,” he murmured, standing behind me. I shrugged and nodded slightly, not moving.   
“Have I done something wrong?”  
I shook my head slowly and he walked around to sit next to me, his hand resting on my leg. “What's wrong, then?”  
I shifted and hugged the envelope a little tighter to my chest before sighing and handing it over to him. He opened it carefully, pulling the paper out. “Baby, I can't read this, can you tell me what it says?” He asked gently, shifting closer to me.   
I tapped the Braille paper lightly, trying not to cry. “I got accepted into Princeton,” I whispered. “And Harvard. The best schools in the fucking country.”  
Gerard wrapped an arm around my shoulders, kissing my cheek softly. “That's amazing, baby. So why are you so upset?”  
I moved away from him carefully, closing my eyes and starting to tremble slightly. “Because I would be going there next month, Gee. But I'm tied to the fucking hospital.”  
Gerard sighed and tapped my shoulder gently. “Alright, come cuddle. Come on. You're being silly,” he murmured, trying to cheer me up as I climbed half into his lap, pressing myself against his chest and trying to ignore the pain on my skin. “You can go next year. Just send a letter back, explain everything. They can't reject you next year because you were too sick to go this year. What do you wanna study anyway, baby?”  
I hugged one of his arms, sighing quietly. “I don't know, but I think I'd like to teach.”  
Gerard smiled, nuzzling my cheek. “You'd make a great professor, I bet you could pull off the elbow patches.”  
I giggled, but tears started to spill down my cheeks. Gerard wiped them away gently.   
“Come on, sweetie. It's just a minor set back.” He pulled the hood of my hoodie over my head, rubbing my side. “You'll go next year. Send them a letter back as soon as possible and explain what's going on. Tell them you're really excited to go, you just can't yet. They'll understand, baby.”  
I nodded, rubbing my eyes and sniffling. “I didn't think I'd get in...not with my disability.”  
He shrugged and kissed my cheek softly. “In some ways, it helps you, because people who don't have difficulties look at you and go ‘wow he's done all that and he can't see.’ They may be kinda stupid, but you have had to work really fucking hard, and universities will understand that. Plus you have a fucking four point oh, that's incredible for anyone really.”  
I smiled and stroked his chest slowly. “Thanks for bringing dinner home..”  
Gerard laughed and carefully lifted me off his lap. “Yeah, I know what that means. You wait here, I'll bring you a plate.”  
I folded my hands in my lap, waiting patiently. He tapped my shoulder before handing me the plate carefully. “You okay?”  
I nodded, leaning towards him slightly.   
“Let me go get mine, I'll be there in a second.”  
I smiled as Gerard sat down next to me, handing me a knife and fork. “Are you feeling a little better, sweetie?”   
I leaned my head on his shoulder lightly. “A little.”  
“That's good. Would you be okay if I went out tonight?”  
I blinked, eating a bite of my curry before answering. “To do what?”  
Gerard sighed softly. “An old friend of mine is back in town and I want to go have a couple drinks with him.”  
I stared straight ahead, into the blackness. “I thought you didn't drink anymore.”  
Gerard seemed to relax. “Is that why you're getting upset? Frankie, he's gonna have beer and I'm gonna have Coke. I really don't drink anymore. Ever.”  
I felt my shoulders slump and I dropped my fork, turning my head away from him. “Shit. I'm sorry..”  
Gerard chuckled and rubbed my shoulder slowly as he leaned in and kissed my cheek. “No, it's okay. It's alright, Frankie. You didn't know and it made sense for you to worry. Just next time ask me directly, okay? It's a little easier to sort out that way.”  
I nodded slightly, and he rubbed my forearm lightly. “Come on. Finish your food, sweetie.”   
I sniffed and chewed on my lip lightly. “You should go out tonight, Gee..”  
“Are you sure? I'm still a bit worried about you.”   
I shook my head quickly. “I'm fine, Gee. I haven't been sick for a couple days and I wouldn't mind some time on my own anyway.”  
“Oh, really now?” Gerard laughed, rubbing my back.   
I giggled and rolled my eyes. “Alone time is good in a relationship, Gee. And so is time with friends. I'll call you if I need you.”   
“Alright, as long as you're sure..” Gerard hummed, kissing my cheek softly. “I love you, you know. Very much.”  
I giggled again, leaning into him. “Oh, we're at ‘very much’ now? No one told me.”  
Gerard chuckled softly, nuzzling me gently. “I am.”  
I smiled and he kissed my jaw. “Finish your food, Frankie, you're still losing weight, love.”   
I frowned. “Please don't-”  
“I'm sorry, I know. I shouldn't have said it like that. I'm just a little worried.”  
I sighed, finishing off another mouthful. “Me too..”  
“I'm gonna go get changed, is that alright?”  
I nodded, flashing him a quick smile. “Sure. I'll finish this, I promise. I'm just slow.”   
Gerard chuckled as he got up. “Take your time, then,” he murmured, kissing my forehead. 

Gerard came home at about midnight, stripping down to his boxers and crawling into bed with me. I rolled over sleepily, grabbing at his chest and mostly missing. He snorted softly and pulled me close to him, nuzzling my neck. “Hey.”  
“Hi. You smell like beer.”  
“Mhm, Alex spilled some on me.”  
I nodded, running my hand down his side. “I know. It's not on your breath. Did you have fun?”  
Gerard sighed and brushed his knuckles over one of my eyebrows and back, past where my hairline should have been. “Yeah, I did. You look exhausted, beautiful. Try and get some more rest.”  
I groaned softly and sat up slightly. “I threw up dinner.”  
“All of it?”   
I nodded and Gerard sighed, gently pulling me down and slipping my shirt off. “Come cuddle. Come on. I'll make you feel better.”  
I snuggled up to his chest, our skin sticking together. He rubbed my shoulder slowly, humming to me quietly. “You're so beautiful, Frankie. And you'll be done before your birthday. Remember that, yeah?”  
I nodded and yawned, burying my face in his neck comfortably. He trailed his fingertips down my spine, stopping just before the small of my back and starting at the base of my neck again.   
“I love you, little one.”  
I sighed softly and kissed his jaw. “I love you too. You have so many pet names for me..”  
“Mhm. I can never pick one,” he chuckled. “Sorry about that.”  
“I never really call you anything,” I mumbled, my eyes closing up.   
“No, but that's okay. I don't mind.”  
“It's not that I don't...I just don't really like it. I don't know.”  
“It's okay. Really,” Gerard soothed, now smoothing his knuckles over my spine. “I don't expect you to, and I'm not gonna force you to. Gee is fine.”  
“But Mikey calls you Gee,” I pointed out quietly.   
“So? Mikey called you sweetie. It doesn't matter, baby. It doesn't mean you love me any less or anything like that.”   
I sighed again, too tired to argue. “Okay..”  
Gerard stopped stroking my back and wrapped his arms around me tightly. “Get some sleep. You're so tired, baby. I know you're tired.”  
I yawned and snuggled even closer to him, my body relaxing slowly.


	15. Black and White

Gerard pulled me into a hug, rubbing my back slowly. “It's good news, sweetie.” He placed a large envelope in my hands carefully. “I picked this up from Doctor Parente.”  
I blinked, opening it carefully and tugging the contents out. I grinned when I felt how thick the paper was. “Nice.” I laid it down on the table, running my fingers over it. By the time I was done, I was crying. Gerard leaned over and kissed my cheek. “Why are you crying, sweetie?”   
I sniffed, wiping my cheeks carefully. “Cause I'm free,” I grinned, grabbing at his hand. “No more fucking chemo.”  
“I think we need to celebrate, don't you?” Gerard murmured, gently pulling me into his lap and wrapping his arms around me tightly. I leaned back against his chest comfortably, letting my eyes close slowly. “Mhm. I reckon.”   
“What do you wanna do, baby?”  
“Well, I wanna fuck.”  
Gerard laughed, kissing my cheek softly. “Of course you do. But what else? Like, what do you wanna do that involves company?”  
“Ohh,” I giggled, hugging his arm. “I wanna have a cake. I haven't had cake in ages. And I wanna have Mikey and Donna over. Just a little party.”  
“Don't tell me to throw you a fucking little party,” Gerard snorted. “I love planning parties and I'm gonna throw everything at this.”  
I put a hand on his chest gently, kissing his jaw. “Babe, I really appreciate that you want to do this for me, but remember that I'm blind and have anxiety problems, okay? Not too much.”  
He smiled and nuzzled me gently. “Mhm. It will be a Frankie-approved party, I promise.”  
I nodded and stroked his cheek, smiling at him. “Promise me we won't have a big party for my birthday, though. It's only a couple weeks off and I really just want to spend the day in bed with you.”  
Gerard kissed my forehead. “Okay, deal. But Mikey and Mum will still want to see you.”  
“I know, I know..”  
Gerard pulled me closer to him. “It's three, sweetie, are you gonna take your nap?”  
I stretched and yawned, then nuzzled up to him again. “Carry me?”  
Gerard chuckled and scooped me up easily, almost too easily, and carried me to the bedroom, laying me down on the bed. He leaned over me, slipping my shirt off and then helping me with my jeans. “I'll wake you in an hour, okay? You get some good rest.”  
I waved sleepily as he stepped out of the room, then rolled over and got comfortable, my eyes closing slowly. 

Gerard's tongue ran up, over my shaft, and flicked across the tip. I woke up with a moan, trembling.   
“Fuck, Gee..” I whined. “I can't..”  
I felt him move and his knees were on either side of me, his hips resting on mine, just over my belly button. “Frankie, you've fought through so much and I'm so proud of you. I want to do this with you. Please let me?”  
“Do what?” I mumbled, sitting up and gently grabbing at his chest. “I'm confused, Gee.”  
“I want to fuck your brains out,” he growled softly, nipping at my neck and making me gasp.  
I giggled and kissed his cheek softly. “Okay, but not because I asked, right?”  
He shook his head. “No, because you deserve it and you want it, and I want it. Now lay down and shut up.”  
I grinned, sinking back slowly and gripping his hips lightly. Gerard slipped back, the hot wetness of him brushing over my dick. I shifted, my breath hitching as he rolled his hips very precisely. I felt myself slip into him and I whined, digging my nails into his hips. He purred, leaning down and kissing me deeply, his fingers spreading on my cheeks as he started to rock his hips, slowly at first, soft whimpers and moans escaping his lips as he tried to keep kissing me. Gerard took my hands off his hips and pinned them down by my head, lacing his fingers in mine just before he bit my neck sharply, making me cry out and arch my back. He let go of my hands and sat back, starting to bounce on me as quickly as he possibly could, one hand on my stomach in front of him, the other on my leg behind him. “Fuuck..” Gerard groaned, just as I started to thrust up eagerly, slamming into him each time he came down.   
Soon, we were collapsed in a sweaty pile, with my length still buried in Gerard.   
“Babe?”   
He nuzzled my cheek gently, humming.   
“Did you put a condom on me?”  
Gerard shook his head. “No, it's okay. I don't have periods anymore, but I still track my time of the month and stuff. We’re safe.”  
I nodded, trusting him as I hugged him tightly. “We need to do that more often.”  
“We need to fuck more often.”  
I yawned and kissed his cheek happily. “Are you tired?”  
He shook his head, running his hand down over my ass casually. “Why?”  
I giggled and gently pulled away from him. “What if I want more?”  
Gerard sighed and sat up. “What kind of more?”  
I blushed and bit my lip softly. Gerard hesitated.   
“You want me to fuck you?”  
I purred, sitting up and arching my back slightly. “Bingo..”  
Gerard growled and tackled me to the bed, making me squeak in surprise. I giggled, struggling against him playfully. He pinned me down, kissing my neck and shoulders all over. “Mm, you're too beautiful to resist,” he murmured, running his hands all over me. “Let me go get something.”  
I nodded, smiling as he got up. He left the room quietly, so I reached over and grabbed the lube out of the bedside drawer quickly, spreading some on my fingers.   
By the time Gerard got back, I was fully prepped and smiling innocently, my face red and hot. He paused in the doorway.   
“You started without me, baby...how rude..”  
I giggled and grabbed at the air. “Come here. I just wanted to get started right away when you got back.”  
Gerard chuckled and walked over to me, climbing onto the bed.   
“How do you want me?” I asked quietly, before he could ask the same.   
“On your back, sweetie.”  
I heard the tearing of a condom packet and soon after, the cap popping off the lube.   
“Gee?”  
He stopped and looked at me. “Yes, little one?”  
I blushed, spreading my legs slightly. “I'm a little...I haven't done this in a while.”  
He purred quietly. “Don't worry. I'll be gentle with you, little one. Are you ready for me?”  
I nodded slightly and he shifted, his hands on the backs of my thighs as I felt the dildo pressing against my entrance. I bit my lip harshly, but Gerard leaned down, kissing me softly as he started to push into me, ever so slowly. I whimpered, but he simply deepened the kiss, one of his hands coming up to cradle my cheek.   
“That's it, baby. Just relax..”  
I felt his hips against my ass as he finally stopped fully inside of me. “I love you..” I whispered shakily, grabbing at his hair, the soft red strands wrapping around my fingers. “I love you so so much.”  
Gerard grinned against my lips and started to shift his hips. I tensed for a pounding that never came. He instead continued to kiss me, rolling his hips slowly and in a comfortable, easy rhythm. I wrapped my arms around his waist, my hands spreading on his back as he kept going, nuzzling my jaw and neck. “I love you too, little one. So so so much.”  
I rooted back against him, my eyes rolling back in my head as he picked up the pace just slightly, careful to angle into my prostate. I moaned loudly, trembling now with each slow, deliberate thrust. “You're beautiful, Frankie. You deserve to be made love to,” Gerard murmured in my ear as my back arched up. I panted shakily, whining softly, too wound up and pleasured to moan.   
“That's it. You're getting close, aren't you?” He hummed, resting his forehead on mine, speeding up just a little more. “Let it go, just let go..”  
I groaned loudly, a shiver running through me. Gerard stroked my cheek slowly with his thumb.   
“I love you.”  
He thrust hard, right into my prostate, and I felt my hips jerk up as hot, sticky liquid spilled over my hips. “I love you too,” I managed as I fell back, limp and shaky.

~

Gerard held my hand tightly. “I got you a present.”  
I slapped his arm. “I said no presents for this! Wait until my birthday!”  
He chuckled and shook his head. “Sorry, baby. It was meant to be for your birthday, but the timescale changed and it's not something I can leave in a closet until your birthday.”  
I sighed and leaned my head on his shoulder as he drove. “Okay. You've made me curious now.”  
“I know.”  
“Where are we going?”  
“It's a secret. I'd blindfold you, but..”   
I flipped him off and moved slightly, letting my head fall back against the headrest.   
“You comfortable?”  
I nodded, rubbing my spare hand over my head and feeling the stubble. “Yeah, I'm fine. I'm hungry, though.”  
“I know, sweetie. We’ll be there in less than five minutes.”  
“You said that like an hour ago.”  
Gerard chuckled quietly. “No, I didn't. I said we'd be there in less than an hour.”   
“Well, you still lied,” I teased softly. He squeezed my hand again and hummed briefly.   
“I'm sorry, sweetie.”  
“Who'd you invite?”  
“I invited Mikey, Mum, Angelo, and Ray. But don't worry, Angelo can't stay long. And um...well, you see what you think, but Ray and Mikey together could be amusing.”  
“What do you-”  
I was cut off by the breaks squeaking as Gerard parked the car.   
“Okay, this car needs a service,” he muttered to himself, then got out of the car, hurrying around to help me out. I let him, giggling as he lifted me down carefully. “My prince.”  
“Yeah, whatever. I don't want you to trip and break your nose or something. You're so clumsy.”  
“Oh yeah. With that time you knocked me over, the glass I dropped, the cancer I got, the list goes on and on,” I said sarcastically.   
Gerard laughed and scooped me up bridal style, carrying me into the building. It wasn't a big room, but I could hear people chattering. Gerard set me on my feet gently, kissing my forehead. “It sounds like a lot of people because I booked a live band, they're chatting with everyone.”  
I slapped his arm again. “Extravagant!”  
“No, I've named this your remission and birthday party, so it's got a bit of extra pizzazz.”  
“I never want to hear you say that word again.”   
I heard running footsteps and I was swept away from Gerard and into Mikey's chest as he hugged me tightly. “Fuck! I'm so fucking glad, Frankie! I'm so so happy for you.”  
I giggled and gently pushed him away. “Thanks, Mikey. You're so sweet.”  
I heard another set of more calm footsteps. “Frankie, this is Ray, I think you've met him a few times before,” Mikey said softly, his voice a little sweeter than usual. I glanced towards Gerard before smiling.   
“Hi. Nice to meet you again, I don't have a good memory for faces.”  
That got a laugh, it always did. Gerard placed a hand on the small of my back. “Sorry, guys, but I think our party boy is hungry, I'm just gonna get him something to eat.”   
Mikey stepped back and Gerard gently steered me towards the other side of the room. “What would you like, sweetie?”  
I giggled and rolled my eyes. “What is there?”  
“Well it's mostly just finger food and stuff, so there's sandwiches and cucumber-thingys and that smoked salmon you like...and a lot of cake.”  
I shoved his chest gently. “You're so annoying. Can I have a little bit of everything savory? I'll come back for cake in a bit.”  
“Okay, you wait here a second..”  
Gerard walked off a few steps and I heard another person coming up to me. “Hey, Frank. Are you feeling better?”  
I grinned and shrugged. “Hi Donna, I'm feeling okay. Still a little sick, but it should pass in about a month or so. I think Gerard is trying to fatten me up.”  
She chuckled and put her hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently. “He could do with dropping a couple pounds, I think. He's put it on a little while you've been in hospital.”  
I smiled evenly, tilting my head to the side. “I haven't honestly noticed,” I said quietly. “But I like him the way he is.”  
Donna kissed my cheek lightly. “Good, because I doubt he's changing anytime soon.”  
Gerard touched my back lightly, almost making me jump. “Here, baby..”  
He handed me the plate carefully and kissed the back of my neck. “Do you wanna come sit down while you eat?”  
I nodded slightly and let him guide me to a comfy leather chair. I could hear people moving around in front of me, and someone was tuning a guitar. Gerard was sat next to me, his arm wrapped around my shoulder casually. “I think the band’s going to start soon.”  
I blushed and sighed. “I feel like I'm hiding at my own party.”  
Gerard rubbed my shoulder gently, looking around. “It's alright. Mum is chatting with Angelo, and Mikey and Ray are...being Mikey and Ray.”   
“Does Mikey like him?”  
Gerard sighed quietly and kissed the side of my head. “I don't know, baby. Mikey is a little upset over the whole thing.”  
I frowned and ducked my head. “He doesn't talk to me about anything anymore.”  
“Don't worry. He's just scared of making your load heavier. Now you're officially better, he'll start chatting with you again.”  
I polished off my second sandwich and Gerard played with stubble on the back of my neck lightly. “Angelo is coming over, sweetie. I think he has to go soon.”  
I nodded, waiting patiently as I heard the footsteps get closer. The doctor was fiddling with something in his pocket.   
“Hey, Frank. I have to get to work in about five minutes, but I thought I'd come and say congratulations. You're a real fighter.”  
I smiled at him, my stock smile in response to what definitely sounded like a stock sentence.  
“Thank you. You were a real help, but I must admit I'm glad we won't be seeing much of each other anymore.”  
Angelo chuckled and nodded. “You have a great evening, Frank.”  
As he walked away, Gerard kissed my cheek. “Eat up.”  
I nodded, finishing off what was left on my plate. Just as Gerard took the plate from me and stood up, the band started to play Saturday Night by the Misfits. I giggled and curled up in my chair, hugging my knees happily. Gerard squeezed my shoulder, leaning down to talk in my ear. “I'll be right back.”   
After a while, everyone was just sitting down in the leather chairs by the stage, listening to the band and enjoying the peace and calm. Gerard murmured to me every now and then, updating me on things. Mikey was apparently sitting mostly in Ray’s lap, looking perfectly content. Mrs. Way was scrolling through something on her phone, seeming mostly in her own world. And I was sitting in Gerard’s lap, his strong arms around me and his chin resting on the top of my head. I felt like I was sitting on some kind of throne.   
The music stopped, jolting me out of my thoughts, and we all clapped. Gerard kissed the side of my head, just above my ear. “They're packing up now, we’re going to do presents and then cake.”  
I nodded, twisting around to kiss him, my hands cupping his jaw lightly. It wasn't a long kiss, but Mikey made a few fake vomiting noises anyway. I smiled at him sweetly and Gerard chuckled.   
“Don't set Frankie off, his will sound much more real.”  
I giggled and rolled my eyes, slapping his arm lightly. “Whatever..” I slipped off Gerard's lap, standing up and stretching. He stood up behind me, touching my sides lightly. “Mikey, can you come help with the presents?”  
Mikey got up as well. “Sure, let's go. Frankie, you can sit with Ray if you like.”  
I sighed and sat down obediently. “I don't need a babysitter,” I mumbled under my breath. Ray shifted.   
“You've known Mikey since he was like nine, right?”  
I nodded, staring at him blankly. “What are you doing with him?”  
Ray seemed caught off guard, hesitating. “Um...to tell you the truth, I have a really big crush on him.”  
“Are you trying to make him like you?”  
Ray stammered again. “N-no, I just-”  
“He's always said he was straight, Ray. What's changed? Huh?”  
Mrs. Way cut in good-naturedly. “Frank, Gerard is much better at playing bad cop than you. They've already had this conversation.”  
“Oh..” I mumbled, ducking my head. “Sorry, Ray, I just..”  
“No, it's fine,” he said quickly, and I could tell he was smiling. “Mikey's done a lot for you and I know you want to protect him. Truth is that he's not doing so well, but we’re working it out together.”  
I nodded, biting my lip softly. “I'm glad he has someone.”  
“Well, I know he's glad you're dating his brother and not someone he doesn't know.”  
I smiled to myself and shrugged. “I don't think he really wants to know details, though.”  
Ray laughed and shook his head. “I like you, Frank. You're very funny.”  
I grinned happily. “I've been off my game for a while, but I'm ready to be back.”  
“Good.”  
Gerard grabbed my shoulders suddenly, making me squeak and jump. He laughed and nuzzled the side of my neck, nibbling my skin lightly. “Come on.”  
I got up quickly and Gerard practically dragged me over to the stage, helping me up onto it. “Gee? What's going on?” I mumbled, clinging to him a little shakily as he helped me kneel down.   
He guided my hands to the pile of presents. “Mum and Mikey got you these, it's for your birthday as well as this.”  
I nodded and started to unwrap the large, long package in front of me. I ran my hands over the shiny cardboard box under the paper, managing to open it my myself. I felt around inside, my eyes widening. “Holy shit. You shouldn't have, guys...this is...awesome.” I grinned, running a finger up and down the strings on the brand new guitar. Mikey chuckled. “The other stuff is just some strings and cables I know you're missing. You still have the amp, right?”  
I nodded, feeling my cheeks heat up. “Yeah. Thanks so much, both of you. This is an awesome present.”  
Gerard kissed my cheek and carefully moved the boxes aside. “Do you want your other present?”  
I nodded shyly, biting my lip. Gerard whistled and I heard running footsteps, but these were a little different. Before I could react, the dog was on top of me, panting and licking my face. Gerard laughed as I giggled, trying to fend off the friendly attack. “Help!” I squealed, managing to grab the dog’s collar.   
“Sit,” Gerard said calmly, and the licking stopped. “She's just excited to see you. Lie down.”  
The dog laid down in front of me and I reached out tentatively, stroking her side. “I can't..”  
Gerard moved closer to me, kissing my cheek. “She's a black and white pitbull, with just a splash of white on her nose and going up the middle of her face, and four little white feet.”  
I grinned, sniffling. “She's so sweet, Gee..I..”  
He smiled and guided my hand over her shoulder. She was wearing some kind of harness, a laminated surface on part of it.   
“Get up, love.”  
The dog got up carefully and Gerard handed me the lead, then helped me stand up, guiding my hand to the handle.   
“Fuck..” I whimpered, tears running down my cheeks slowly. “Oh my god..”  
Gerard rubbed my back slowly, chuckling softly. “She doesn't have a name, Frankie..”  
“You got me a fucking guide dog...I can't...I..Gee!”  
I grabbed him, pulling him towards me in a bone crushing hug. He grinned, hugging back and nuzzling me gently. “You deserve one, baby. I've been waiting for a couple months for her. No one wanted her because she's a pit bull and so we moved up on the waiting list.”  
I giggled happily, falling to my knees again and opening my arms. The dog attacked me again, her tail wagging all over the place as she licked the tears off my face excitedly.   
Gerard knelt next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Do you want to name her, Frankie?”  
I nodded quickly, gently pushing the dog away. “Sit.”  
I leaned my head on my boyfriend’s shoulder, petting the dog’s head slowly. “Pansy,” I said at last, and the dog wagged her tail excitedly.   
“Pansy,” I giggled, and hugged her tightly.


	16. Green

~Gerard~  
I watched Frank happily. He was curled up in the dog bed with Pansy, fast asleep. I'd already taken a picture and sent it to Mikey, who'd helped me come up with the idea, but now it was getting late.  
I leaned over, gently shaking Frank’s thin shoulder. “Baby...do you wanna come to bed?”  
He yawned and looked up at me, his soft hazel eyes blinking slowly. “What?”  
“I said would you like to come to bed? It's almost ten, sweetie.”  
He sat up carefully, stroking Pansy’s side. “Okay.”  
I helped him up, starting to walk him out of the room slowly. He stopped to stretch and his shirt came up, flashing his gaunt hipbones. I sighed and didn't say anything, putting a hand on his back gently and starting to move him forward again. “Gee..”  
I looked down at him, a smile playing at the corners of my lips. I nearly always smiled when he said my name. “Yes, beautiful?”  
“Thank you.”  
“You've said that a thousand times,” I chuckled, kissing his cheek softly. He fell against me slightly, grinning sleepily.   
“Mhm. But I’ve wanted a guide dog for years..”  
“I know,” I murmured, gently helping him sit down on the bed. “Mikey told me. I asked him for present ideas and that was one of them. It reminded me how much you liked that plush I got you for the hospital.”  
“Sweetpea,” Frank prompted, grinning up at me as I slipped his shirt off over his head.   
“Mhm. That's the one. I thought that he must like dogs so much...so what better thing to get him? It’ll be a pet and a friend and a guide. It’s the perfect present.”  
“She really is,” Frank murmured, undoing his jeans and kicking them away himself. He climbed into bed in just his boxers, curling up on his side happily. I undressed as well, but stood there for a couple seconds, just staying him. The curve of his back, the way his spine stuck out. I could see every rib, even from the back. It scared me, but I knew the same old Frank was in there, the same beautiful personality I'd fallen for, and I was dying to help him get healthy again.   
He smiled sweetly at me as I got into bed and I touched his cheek lightly.   
He had this special smile he reserved for me, I’d noticed. He had a stock smile for meeting people, a Mikey smile, a Mum smile. But the one he always smiled when I came near him was my favorite. His eyes would light up and his whole expression radiate trust and love. It was my opinion that that smile could heal people better than Jesus.   
Of course, Frank reserved a lot of stuff for me. It was kind of sad, in a way. He would cry in front of me and smash things in front of me. He'd let me see his whole range of emotions, while everyone else seemed to get the usual ‘happy’ Frank. The positive Frank. Mikey had mentioned it to me after Frank had finished chemo. He'd noticed this too, and he'd noticed that all he got anymore was ‘happy Frank.’ I'd told him there was a lot more genuine happy Frank to go around, and he'd laughed, but I could tell he still missed his friend.  
“Geebear?”  
His soft voice cut through my thoughts like a knife through butter, but a little more welcome than a knife. I grinned.   
“Yeah, sweetie?”  
Frank cupped my jaw in his hands, stroking his thumbs over my cheeks. “You were thinking about something..”   
I nodded, sliding an arm around his waist and shifting closer. “Yeah. I was thinking maybe you should spend some more time with Mikey. I love having you here, but he misses you.”  
“He's in university now, Gee. I can't keep bugging him.”  
I smiled and took one of his hands, kissing his knuckles gently. “Mhm. He wants you to. He misses you, Frankie. Mum misses you too. She wants us to start having family meals more often.”  
He shrugged. “Okay? I'm not really fam-”  
“You're one of us now, Frankie,” I murmured, gently pulling him close to me. He purred and wrapped his arms around me. “If you say so. I'm really tired..”  
“So sleep,” I teased softly, rubbing his back slowly. He snorted and kissed my chest lightly. “Be quiet.”  
I smiled to myself, nuzzling his neck carefully. 

~

Frank dropped his keys in the bowl on the side, then knelt down to take Pansy’s harness off. “Hey, baby..” I called softly. “I'm in the kitchen.”  
Pansy ran into the kitchen, barking at me excitedly. I grinned at her. “Shh, I can't pet you, I'm cooking!”  
Frank walked in, laughing as he wrapped his arms around my waist tightly. “Mm. I love you, Gee.”  
“I love you too, little one. Did you have a fun time?”  
He let his arms slip down and he moved to stand next to me. “We only went for a walk...but yeah, it was fun.”  
I looked down at him, smiling to myself. Frank was enjoying his freedom with Pansy. Taking her out for her daily walk was one of the high points of his day, and he loved it when we all walked around the shops together.   
“Whatcha makin’?”  
I kissed the top of his head. “Key lime pie. We’re going over to Mum’s tonight, remember?”  
Frank nodded. “Will Ray be there?”  
I sighed quietly. “I think so.”  
He groaned loudly, tilting his head back. “Mikey won't talk to anyone else all night..”   
“They still haven't figured themselves out,” I pointed out quietly. “But it's been like...six weeks since the party? I dunno..”  
Frank leaned against me slightly. “I've tried asking him about it and he won't talk to me.”  
I rubbed his shoulder lightly. “He’ll come around, sweetie. He's just..” I waved a hand vaguely. “He's in his own teenage world having a fun time. He's not really...he's not as mature as you, I don't think.”  
He sighed and leaned up on his toes to kiss my cheek. “I'd better leave you to it, I'm gonna go run a bath.”  
“Alright, Frankie. Leave the door open, yeah?”  
He grinned at me and shoved my chest gently. “We don't have time for naughtiness.”  
I pulled him into a quick kiss. “I know, I just like knowing I can get to you if you slip or something.”  
Frank rolled his eyes and smiled that smile again. “I'll be fine, Gee. But I'll leave the door open if it makes you feel better.”   
“It does.”  
“You're a dork.”  
I chuckled and gently pushed him away. “I can live with that. Go..”  
I watched him walk off, his hand trailing along the wall of the corridor, Pansy trotting after him. I smiled to myself and went back to what I was doing. 

Frank sat down next to me, searching for my hand under the table. I took his hand gently, smiling at him and kissing his cheek.   
“This smells great, Donna, thank you,” he grinned, squeezing my hand gently.   
“I hope it's alright, I think the chicken is a little crispy.”  
“It looks amazing, Mum,” I cut in quietly, starting to serve up for Frank. Mikey was sitting across the table with Ray, whispering to him. I could tell it was bothering Frank just by looking at his face, but I didn't know how to help. I set his now full plate down in front of him, kissing his cheek. “Eat up, sweetie. Try to get through all of it.”  
He nodded and picked up his fork, starting to eat as I dished myself up a much smaller portion. Mum watched me, smiling slightly. I glanced at her and she smiled wider. “You're going on a diet? That's good, you've been putting on weight again.”  
Frank paused, gritting his teeth and squeezing my hand. He knew I was sensitive about my weight.   
I sighed and looked down at my plate. “I've been on a diet for a while, Mum. It just doesn't seem to be working.”  
“Maybe it's not a very good one,” she smiled, not really knowing what she was doing to me.   
Frank opened his mouth to say something, but I cut in first. “Mum, I'd really like to talk about something else, please.”  
Frank seemed to relax and Mum sighed. “How's Pansy doing, Frank?”

We managed to get through dinner without anyone getting strangled, and I took Frank home fairly early, as he was getting very sleepy. He clung to me as I carried him up to my apartment, and wouldn't let go as I tried to unlock the door, hindered by his body against mine. I finally managed to peel him off me and lay him in bed, kissing his forehead gently. “Get undressed, Frank, I think we both need an early night.”   
I slipped my shirt off slowly, glancing in the mirror and sighing. Mum was right, I was starting to get a bit of a tummy. Frank groaned.   
“You're looking in the fucking mirror, aren't you?”  
I rolled my eyes, vaguely annoyed. “Aren't you supposed to be blind?”  
“I am blind, I'm just not a fucking idiot.”  
I glared at him, but it wasn't worth fighting over. I kicked my jeans off and climbed into bed next to him as he burrowed under the covers happily. “I'm sorry, Frankie, I just..”  
“You're perfect to me,” he murmured, his voice muffled under the thick duvet. I lifted the covers and leaned down to kiss him.   
“You've never said anything like that before.”  
Frank smiled, and it wasn't that smile he reserved for me. This was a little different, kinder and softer. Comforting. “That's because I didn't have every inch of your skin memorized before,” he purred, pulling me down next to him and rubbing his hands over my chest and stomach soothingly. “But now I do, and I know you're perfect. Ignore your mom, okay? She doesn't really know anything.”  
I sighed and shrugged. “I can't help thinking she's right though, Frankie. I've been trying to lose weight and I still haven't shifted any. When I'm at work, I practically run everywhere and when I'm standing still, I'm burning tons of calories because it's so damn stressful. I don't get it.”  
“Gee, baby. You're not really built to be skinny,” Frank said gently, cupping my jaw with one hand. “You still have some curves and that's what I love about you. You have an interesting and beautiful body, Geebear. And I don't care if you can't lose weight, because it just means there's more of you to love. Just please be careful with this diet, okay? Not eating anything isn't good for you..”  
I pulled him closer to me gently, starting to relax. “Okay. I'll be careful, Frankie, I promise.”  
He hugged me tightly, kissing the bottom of my jaw. “You never talk to me about your insecurities,” he said softly. “I wish you did, I know it's hard for you and you like seeming strong for me, but I worry about you, I do.”   
I sighed, stroking his cheek slowly and staring into his big, hazel eyes. “Frankie, I'm just not..”  
“I know, it's okay..”  
Frank snuggled closer, laying his cheek against my chest, his head tucked under my chin. “I love you, Gee.”  
I hugged him a little tighter. “I love you too.”

I slumped back against the tub, Frank's gentle hands grabbing at my shirt. “Gee? Baby...what's going on?”  
I groaned softly, hauling myself to my feet and flushing the toilet. “I just woke up nauseous..” I mumbled, grabbing my toothbrush. Frank got up and stroked my side slowly. “Are you okay?”  
I nodded slightly and Frank squeezed my hip. “Gee, please go to the doctor. Today. You were fine last night and you don't have a fever or any other symptoms. Something could be wrong..”  
I closed my eyes, sighing softly. “Frank. I'll be okay, it's just-”  
“No. You'll go today.”  
Frank had developed a way of talking to me during his time in treatment. When he spoke to me in his special, firm voice, what he said sounded like a certainty. Like it was written in stone. The gods would rain fire down upon me if I disobeyed, or at least Frank would give me the silent treatment. He’d elevated the silent treatment to high art.   
I sighed and nodded again. “Okay, okay. I'll go, baby.”  
Frank tugged out his phone, handing it to me. “Call and make the appointment now.”  
There it was again. You will obey.   
I smiled to myself and typed in the passcode, dialing the doctor’s office quickly. I made an appointment for that morning and handed the phone back to Frank, who smiled sweetly. “There we go. You'll get sorted out,” he said, almost too nicely. He knew what he was doing and I didn't have any choice but to swim with the current. 

I tapped my foot in the waiting room quietly. Frank had had some work for an apparently secret project to get done, and had stayed home. I heard my name called and got up, following the nurse through into the room. She took my weight and blood pressure, then stepped out.  
I stared at the blank, cream colored walls, wishing Frank was with me. He was right about my insecurities, I worried about him still liking me everyday. I worried that one day he'd leave me. That he'd want more from life than a constantly stressed out nurse with shitty hours, or that he'd want a ‘real’ man, as so many guys had said to me before.   
The door clicked and I glanced up. The doctor smiled at me. “Hey, Gerard. How are you?”  
I shrugged, trying to push the anxious thoughts out of my mind. “Hey, Brendon. I'm okay, I guess.”  
“So why’ve you come to see me today?”  
I chuckled and ran a hair through my hair. “Because my boyfriend told me to? Um, I've been trying to keep my weight down lately and I haven't been eating so much...I got a job in the ER so I'm on my feet a lot of the day, and I just seem to be putting it on. And this morning I just woke up nauseous, really bad..”  
He sat down on his rolling stool, jotting a couple things down. “Okay. So this boyfriend...have you had unprotected sex with him?”  
I blinked, taking a deep breath. “Uh. Yeah, we’re both clean.”  
Brendon sighed. “Gerard, I'm gonna need you to take a urine test.”  
I stared at him for a second. “It was only once, and-”  
“Gerard, you're a nurse. You know that once is enough.” 

I called Frank on the way home, only just keeping it together. He picked up on the third ring. “Hey, babe. What's up?”  
I sighed quietly. “Can you get the ice cream out, sweetie? I think I'm gonna need a cuddle when I get home.”  
Frank hesitated. “Gee, what's wrong? Are you sick?”  
“I'm not sick..please? I'll tell you everything, you don't need to be worried.”  
“I'm going to be worried anyway,” Frank said gently, sighing softly. “Where are you?”  
“Ten minutes from home.”  
“Okay. I'll be ready. Love you.”  
He hung up and I tossed my phone onto the dashboard, glaring at the road.


	17. Teal

_~Frank~_

I heard Gerard walk in, and he'd only taken two steps in from the door when he started to cry. I hurried over to him, wrapping my arms around him tightly. “Gee? Come sit down..” I gently pulled him towards the living room and he sniffed, following me quietly. We sat down together and I climbed into his lap, hugging him tightly. He buried his face in my neck and started to sob, clinging to me shakily. I let him cry, playing with his hair and rubbing his back slowly. After a few minutes, he seemed to calm down somewhat, so I lifted his chin carefully, pecking his now salty lips. 

“Gerard, tell me what's wrong, please..”

He sighed, letting me wipe the tears off his cheeks. “Frankie...I haven't been losing any weight because...well... _fuck._ I c-can't..”

I kissed his forehead softly, stroking his cheeks lovingly. “You can tell me anything, baby. Whatever it is, we’ll work it out together,” I murmured, smiling down at him. Gerard sighed, kissing my hand gently. 

“It's my own stupid fault, anyway..” He mumbled, looking away from me. “I'm pregnant.”

My whole world seemed to stop for a moment, everything cutting out. My heartbeat, the scent of Gerard, the sound of the dishwasher in the kitchen, even the feel of Gerard's warm skin under my fingers, it all vanished. Then I took a deep breath and it came flooding back again.

“Okay.”

He was crying again now, trembling under me. I kissed him softly, running my fingers through his hair slowly. “We’ll figure this out, Gee. But first you gotta stop crying, baby. How far along are you?”

Gerard managed a deep breath, his hands shaking on my sides. “About seven weeks, I think..” 

His voice was raspy and quiet, scared. I nuzzled his jaw, purring softly.

“There's nothing to be scared of, baby. Shh..”

“A-aren't you scared?” Gerard whimpered, his fingers curling in the fabric of my shirt. I nodded quickly. 

“Yes. I'm fucking terrified. Because I'm only eighteen and I've gotten the man I love pregnant. That means I'm going to be a dad…”

Gerard sighed, looking away again. “Not necessarily.”

“No, you’re right,” I said gently, kissing his cheek softly. “But I really fucking love you, Gerard. Look at me. I love you so so much, and I never want to love anyone else. I'm not going to leave you over this. I'm not going to change my opinion of you. I'm not going to love you any less. I'm not even going to blame you, because we both caused this mess.”

He sniffed and I caught the tears as they rolled down his cheeks. “I love you too.”

I smiled and kissed him softly, stroking his hair away from his face. “I'm glad. Would you like some of that ice cream? We can sit and talk for a bit or we could just sit. It's up to you, Gee. It's your body and it's always gonna be up to you.”

Gerard hugged me tightly. “You're the best person in the world,” he mumbled, his fingers curling against my back. 

“If you say so,” I chuckled, kissing his cheek. “Come on. Let me go get some ice cream and then you don't have to let go of me for at least an hour, yeah? You should call in sick tonight, you're in no state to work an ER shift.”

Gerard nodded, letting go of me carefully. I slid off his lap and stood up, walking to the kitchen confidently. I scooped the ice cream into two bowls, then put the rest in the freezer, tapping Pansy’s nose lightly. “Chocolate ice cream is not for doggies.”

I carried the bowls into the living room and Gerard took his carefully. “Thanks, Frankie. I'm sorry I'm useless right now..”

I sat down next to him, resting my head on his shoulder. “It's okay, Geebear. Do you want me to tell anyone or keep it between us for now?”

He sighed, rubbing my leg gently. “Mikey and Mum should know, and I'll probably need to talk to Mum about it anyway. Mikey might help you talk through things. We've got a lot of thinking to do.”

I nodded, kissing his cheek gently. “Yeah, I know. We’ll figure this out, I promise. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

 ~

“I don't know how we figure it out.”

Mikey rubbed my shoulder gently. “It's okay, Frankie. It's okay to tell him how you feel.”

I sniffed, wiping my nose on my sleeve. “But he’ll think I'm telling him to get rid of it!”

Mikey sighed loudly. “I don't think he will, Frankie. He’ll understand.”

I wiped the tears off my chin, sniffling again. “I'm just not ready to be a dad, I'm only eighteen! I love kids and I'd love to have a kid with him, but we’ve barely been together for six months! We're not married or engaged or anything...I just...I d-don't know..”

I started to sob again and Mikey hugged me quickly. Pansy climbed up onto the bed, licking my face. I batted her away, giggling softly. 

“I'm okay..”

Mikey sighed, rubbing my back slowly. “I don't know what to say to you, Frankie. I know you're trying to protect Gerard and I know he's really vulnerable right now, but you have to be honest with him. Do you want me to talk to him?”

I shook my head slowly. “I think that would upset him. We’re sleeping in different rooms tonight, we need some space to think, both of us. We’re gonna talk in the morning, I think.”

Mikey rubbed my shoulder, letting me pull away from the hug. “Just be honest, Frank. And think about what you want. You love kids, and you'd love to have a baby with him. So the timing’s more than a little off, but so what? You've created new life together and I think that's pretty fucking cool. Maybe you should just take a step back and look at what you've already been through. Gerard handled you going through months of chemo without batting an eye, and you never fought. A kid is gonna be harder, but I don't think it'll hurt your relationship. I don't think anything can.”

I smiled and shrugged, looking down. “We're not all that perfect. But I know what you mean, and I agree. I need to think more about this.”

Mikey hummed softly. “I don't think Gerard could get rid of it anyway. He's too...he gets attached easily. I know that sounds really harsh of me to say, and I don't mean it like that. I mean that having an abortion would probably destroy him. He'd feel guilty for the rest of his life. But it's his decision to make.”

I nodded, rubbing over my now overgrown buzzcut-style hair. “Mm. I know what you mean. But I get the feeling he doesn't want to keep it.”

Mikey sighed, punching my shoulder gently. “He’ll make a decision. He’ll choose what's best for him, just don't let him choose what he thinks is best for you, because this should be about him.”

I smiled slightly. “Yeah, I keep telling him that. He doesn't listen so well.” 

Mikey chuckled and shook his head. “He doesn't listen to anything too well.” 

“How's Donna?”

He laughed again, leaning his head on my shoulder. “Ecstatic. She's always wanted grandkids. But I know she's worried about Gee too. He's not always as strong as he likes to pretend.”

“Did you hear anything she said to him?”

He took my hand, squeezing it gently. “Frankie, there's a lot of things I'd do for you, but spying on my mum and brother isn't one of them. I stayed out of it while he was with us, he said he wanted privacy.”

I rolled my eyes. “I wasn't asking you to spy on them, I was asking if you heard anything. I'm gonna assume that's a no.”

Mikey sighed softly. “No, but I'm guessing she's saying a lot of the same things we are. That you're very young and a bit frightened, and that it's his choice at the end of the day...all that.”

I nodded slightly, sighing quietly. “Okay.” 

 ~

Gerard was sitting across the room from me.

I folded my hands in my lap, my palms already sweating. I hated talking like this, when I couldn’t touch him. It made me anxious to know that I could be missing things. I could be missing something in the tone of his voice, I could be missing him shaking, I could be missing his body language changing. I wouldn’t know. 

I rubbed my face animatedly, my heart beating a little too quickly. 

_He’d know you’d get like this. He has to know that you hate this. What is he doing?_

I swallowed hard, shifting uncomfortably. 

“I want to keep it,” Gerard announced at last. I felt my breath catch in my lungs as I ducked my head. 

“Okay,” I mumbled, my voice shaky and rough. My fingers trembled as I wrung my hands nervously. “I’m not ready for this, Gee.” 

“I know. I’m opening the door for you, Frank. I can be a single dad. I can do this by myself. I don’t need you, and if you want to go, I’m not going to stop you. Do you understand?” 

I stood up abruptly, nodding curtly. “I understand. But I don’t think you understand me, Gerard.” I walked away calmly, but allowed myself the luxury of slamming the guest bedroom door behind me. I sat down on the bed and seethed. 

_He couldn’t claim to know me and tell me he didn’t need me. That I could leave when I wanted. Did he want me to leave?_

That thought crushed my chest and I stared into nothingness, barely able to breathe. “Does he want me to go away?” I whispered to myself, slowly drawing my arms around my torso and hugging myself as I curled up.

_Fuck._

He wanted me to leave him and his baby alone. He knew I’d be a terrible dad, he knew I wasn’t ready for it. He didn’t want me to hang around and fuck up his kid.

I fell sideways against the bed, ignoring the hot tears streaming down my cheeks. I’d always known I couldn’t keep Gerard for long. He was intelligent, caring, loving...everything I didn’t deserve. And I was being torn away from him because of something I’d always known I’d want one day - a baby. 

The door swung open and I didn’t move, shivering slightly. 

“I-I’ll go, Gee,” I mumbled, sniffling. “If th-that’s what you want...I’ll leave you alone..” 

His footsteps were more uneven than usual as he stumbled to my bed, grabbing me and lifting me up against his chest.   
“Fuck no...Baby...Oh fuck, I didn’t mean to make you think that...I’m so so sorry, baby. I’m sorry. I never meant that..”  
I buried my face in his neck, tangling my fingers in his hair as sobs wracked my body.

“Frankie...Jesus, Frankie..” Gerard murmured, rubbing my back slowly. “I don’t want you to leave me. I don’t. I want you to fucking marry me. I’m so fucking scared you’ll leave. I couldn’t sleep last night, I-” 

I cut him off by kissing him, cupping his cheeks in my hands and kissing him harder than I’d ever kissed him before. He grinned into it, cradling my head as he sat down on the bed, shifting me so I was sitting in his lap comfortably, neither of us breaking the kiss. 

I pulled away at last, panting softly as I rested my forehead on his. “You want to marry me?” 

Gerard sniffed, stroking my hair slowly. “One day, baby. I want to spend my life with you.”  
“I do too,” I admitted breathlessly, snuggling closer to him and shivering. “Fuck, I want to so bad.” 

He nuzzled my cheek, purring softly. “We can. We can spend our lives together. Plus one,” he chuckled quietly. “I don’t think I could go through with an abortion, baby, and I think adoption would hurt me even more...I don’t think I have a choice.”  
I smiled, stroking his cheek slowly, feeling his eyelashes flutter against my hand. “Yes you do have a choice, and you’ve made it. Now we have to figure the rest out.” 

Gerard kissed my wrist gently, pulling me a little closer to him. “I know you’re scared, Frankie, and you have every right to be. But I know you’ll be an amazing dad, and I know we’ll get through this together. We have the basis for a plan, and we just have to keep building. But we have just over seven months to do it, so we just have to take our time.”  
I nodded, hugging him tightly and smiling as he hugged back, just as firmly. “I love you, Gee. So much...do you have another appointment soon?”

Gerard hummed softly as he thought for a second. “I’m seeing the ob-gyn next week for an ultrasound. I’d really like it if you’d come with me.”  
I giggled, shaking my head slightly. “You dummy. Of course I’ll come, I’d love to come. In fact, I don’t think you could tell me not to come.” 

Gerard chuckled and I rolled my eyes. “I know that sounded wrong, but you didn’t have to laugh.” 

He laid back, gently pulling me with him. “I’m sorry, sweetie. It was just cute.” 

I smiled, slipping out of his grip to lay on my stomach next to him, playing with the fingers of one of his hands. “If you say so. But we both have stuff to do today. I need to finish that paper and you need to go to work soon.”   
Gerard sighed quietly, rolling onto his side and rubbing my back slowly. “Mm. I just want to lay here with you all day.”  
I got up carefully, walking into our bedroom and smiling to myself as I heard Gerard jump up and jog after me. I stopped near the bed, slipping my shirt off and stretching slowly, arching my back in the way I knew he loved to see. I yawned and started to unbutton my jeans, still facing away from him as he stood in the doorway behind me. I quickly tugged them off, then dropped my boxers and stretched again. Gerard growled softly, grabbing my hips suddenly. “Don’t you dare fucking move.”  
I giggled and shifted, realizing that he’d gotten undressed while watching me. “Mhm, why?”

Gerard shoved me down on the bed, a little roughly, but precisely, so as not to hurt me. “Because I said so.”  
He climbed over me, straddling me as he leaned down, kissing me deeply. 

~ 

I sat with my hand in Gerard’s, listening intently. I couldn’t see the image on the screen, I couldn’t look at the doctor pointing out the baby’s head. But I could hear the heartbeat, and it made my hands shake. The doctor walked out for some reason and Gerard squeezed my hand. “Frankie? You’re shaking, are you okay?”  
I smiled vaguely. “You’re shaking too,” I pointed out gently. 

“That’s because I’m crying, Frankie,” he chuckled, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. “I wish you could see our baby.” 

I leaned over and kissed his cheek softly. “I can hear the heartbeat, Gee.” 

He must have noticed the reverential tone in my voice, as he pulled me down into another brief kiss.

“Do you want to know the sex?” Gerard murmured, rubbing my forearm slowly. “We didn’t talk about it..”   
I grinned and kissed his forehead, brushing his hair out of his face. “I’d love to, but I’m also happy if you’d rather not.”  
He smiled and stroked my cheek slowly, humming to me for a couple seconds. “I think surprises are overrated.”

I chuckled, pecking his lips. “Do you feel okay? Not sick or anything?”

Gerard nodded slightly. “I've still got a little nausea, but it's manageable. I'm fine, little one.”

I nodded and sat back a bit as the doctor walked in. I kept one hand in Gerard’s, the other on Pansy’s lead. I was getting more dependent on her, as a lot of mornings Gerard would have to duck into the nearest bathroom occasionally or would forget he needed to help me. I didn't mind at all, but I was a little worried about him. 

“You're having a girl,” the doctor announced, and I grinned, squeezing Gerard’s hand. I felt him smiling at me. 

 ~

Gerard held my hand tightly as he parked the car. “There's no need to be worried about this, okay?” He murmured, leaning over to kiss my cheek. “It's just a routine check, and then they're gonna start checking you once every six months.”

I rubbed my eye with the back of my hand, sniffling. “But what if they find something?”

Gerard sighed and kissed my forehead. “I don't think they’ll find anything, sweetie. Not this soon. But if they do, we’ll just deal with it. It's only been two months since they gave you the all-clear, I'm sure you'll be fine.”

I nodded and leaned over, putting a hand on his stomach lightly. “I love you.”

Gerard smiled and put his hand over mine, his thumb running over the back of my hand. “I love you too. Let's go in, yeah?”

I nodded and pulled away carefully, getting out of the car and waiting for Gerard to take my hand. He wrapped an arm around my waist instead, walking me into the hospital quietly. We were waiting for the elevator when I heard a voice behind me. 

“Hey, Frank! Long time no see!” 

I groaned internally, feeling Gerard look at me as the doctor walked around in front of me. 

“Hi,” I smiled fakely, squeezing Gerard’s hand. 

“Hey, it looks like you must be doing well,” Doctor Stump said quietly. “Who’s this?”  
I leaned my head on Gerard’s arm, feeling the blush already creeping up my neck. “This is Gerard, he’s my boyfriend.” 

The elevator dinged and the doctor sighed. “I’d better let you go, then. I’ll see you around, Frank.” 

Gerard gently pulled me into the elevator. I didn’t look at him as I heard the doors slide closed. 

“Who was that?” 

“A doctor.” 

“Yeah, okay, no shit. Why does he know you?”  
I bit my lip softly. “I broke my arm when I was in middle school and he treated me when I got here.”  

Gerard hesitated. “Okay.” 

But I could tell he didn’t believe the lie. I shivered as the doors opened again and Gerard stepped out, his grip on my hand loosening slightly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried a new formatting so idk if it's gonna work or not so


	18. Maroon

_~Gerard~_

Frank had lied to me. I knew he’d lied. I had to find out why, I had to know why he’d told me he’d broken his arm. The doctor wouldn’t have recognised him if all he’d done was set a broken bone. I was sure Frank knew that I’d realized he was lying, too.

I went into my shift feeling agitated and upset, and came out of it even more so. I wandered up to a different floor, asking for Pete at the urgent care desk.

It wasn’t long before he walked out to me, smiling. “Hey, Gerard, what can I do for you?”

I sighed and glanced around the packed waiting room. “Can I talk to you in private for a second?”   
Pete nodded, gently pulling me through the door and down the corridor, into one of the treatment rooms. “What’s going on?”   
I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “You remember Frank, right?”   
“Mhm. You were dating, right?”   
I stared at him blankly for a second. “Right. But I didn’t tell you that.”   
Pete smiled and shrugged. “It was obvious, Gerard. Painfully so.”   
I sighed again, looking down and shuffling my feet. “Look, he lied to me today. We were walking through the hospital for a checkup and some doctor recognised him. He said it was for a broken arm, but I knew he was lying.”

Pete nodded slightly. “So you want me to look it up?”

I felt my face redden. “Would you mind?”

He sighed and opened his laptop, typing something in. “I shouldn’t do this. If he didn’t tell you, he probably had a reason to.”

I nodded. “I know, and I know I probably won’t like what I find, but I have to know. He’s never lied to me before.”

 ~

Frank was getting ready for bed when I got home. He was standing in the bedroom, his shirt on the floor next to him. He’d started to put some weight back on now, but it was still too slow for my comfort. I leaned in the doorway, watching him take his jeans off.

“Are you going to stare all night?”

His voice made me jump as he kicked his boxers away, walking to the dresser for a fresh pair.

“No,” I muttered. He paused, then tugged the new pair on and turned to face me.

“You’re angry with me, Gerard. Are you gonna tell me why or just stand there and sulk?”

“You’re really fucking sassy tonight and I don’t appreciate it,” I snapped, but without much malice. “I went through your medical file.”   
“That’s a breach of privacy,” Frank said calmly, crossing his arms over his chest. “And I don’t appreciate it.”

“Oh, really? After you lied to me?”   
“You knew I was lying, I knew you knew. I was lying for a fucking reason, Gerard.”   
I shoved my hands into my pockets so my fingers wouldn’t curl into fists. “Why? Why the fuck would you hide that from me?”

“Because everyone who ever knew treated me like fucking glass! They pitied me and tiptoed around me and called me ‘poor boy!’ Except my mother. You wanna know what my mother did?” Frank’s voice was dripping with rage, but tears were running down his cheeks. “She beat me.”

I started to feel sick, Frank’s chest was heaving, his ribs showing even more dramatically. He looked like he was going to collapse.

“I’m not them,” I whispered. Frank’s shoulders dropped and the anger dissolved as he looked away.

“I know, Gerard. It was a reflex to lie, I shouldn’t have done it.”

“You drank bleach to try and kill yourself and spent a whole fucking month in the hospital, and your excuse to lying to me about it was that it was a reflex? Frank, I swear to fucking God, I hate you sometimes. Does Mikey know? He didn’t tell me.”  
Frank took a step back, then opened the closet and grabbed his backpack, starting to shove clothes into it. “No, he doesn’t know. I lied to him, too. So I guess he hates me now.”

The anger was back.   
“I lied to you because I didn’t want to fucking think about it. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to relive it because I’ve only just stopped having fucking nightmares about it. You have no right to swear at me, you have no fucking right to raise your voice to me, and I’m going to Mikey’s.”   
I grabbed his wrist before I could stop myself, and he shook me off violently. “Don’t you fucking dare.”

I hesitated, then grabbed his jaw and kissed him. He tried to pull away for a couple seconds, then melted against my chest as I wrapped an arm around his waist. I broke the kiss and hugged him as hard as I could, burying my face in his hair as he started to cry softly, clinging to me.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so so sorry. I was angry and upset and stupid, and I shouldn’t have said those things. I was taking it all out on you...because I’m just...I’m so angry that you felt you had to do that, you really don’t deserve to feel that way.”

Frank didn't answer, so I stood quietly, rubbing his back slowly.

 ~

The water sloshed as Frank shifted, his head rolling back against my shoulder. His back arched and he came back to me with a soft sigh.

“Thank you..” He mumbled when he'd gotten his breath back. I nodded slightly and wrapped my arms around him from behind, nuzzling his shoulder. “Anytime. Do you feel a little better?”

He smiled slightly and shrugged. “About what?”

I sighed and ran a hand down his side slowly. “About me finding out.”

Frank ducked his head slightly. “I guess. My nightmares have come back.”

I frowned, kissing his neck softly. “You haven't woken me..”

“You sleep heavily and I don't have the heart to wake you up after a long shift, Gee. Just...I'm okay, yeah? It'll pass soon.”

I nodded and let silence settle over us comfortably. Suddenly, I felt an odd sensation in my stomach and Frank tensed, as his back was against my body.

“Was that the baby kicking?”

“I think so..” I mumbled, biting my lip lightly. “It felt really weird.”

Frank giggled and nuzzled my jaw gently. “I feel a lot better about being a dad, Gee.”

“Mm?” I hummed, stroking his cheek slowly and pressing a soft kiss to the marked side of his neck.

“Yeah. I feel like I could be a good dad. I think I can do this. We created a life together and I think...I want to be involved in the rest of that life. I think I'm ready. Even kind of excited.”

I grinned, kissing his lips softly. “I'm glad, I couldn't do this on my own.”

He smiled sleepily and hugged my arms, closing his eyes as he rested his head on my shoulder. I stroked his chest slowly, kissing the soft skin on his neck a few times. He purred, but soon went limp as he drifted off, blissfully.

~ 

A week after our mishap with Frank's past, we were doing great. Frank was writing another paper, which I didn't understand. I got that they would help him apply again, but he said he wrote them mostly because they were ‘fun.’ I was doing a few shorter shifts, and everything seemed to be okay.

I felt Frank shift and smiled down at him, stroking his cheek slowly. He yawned as he woke up, running his hand over my stomach slowly. “Mm. You're starting to show a lot more,” he hummed softly. “I like it.”

I pulled a face, but Frank didn't seem to notice. “I just wish I didn't have to get so fat for this whole thing.”

“You won't be fat, you'll be beautiful,” Frank announced happily, nuzzling my neck gently. “Exceedingly so.”

I rolled my eyes, but didn't say anything, hugging him closer to me. After a short pause, I spoke up again. “I had to stop my testosterone, I forgot to tell you.”

Frank sat up slightly, frowning as he stroked my cheeks. “Does that bother you?”

I blushed, shaking my head a little. “Not really. I was just wondering if it would bother you..”

He rolled his eyes and kissed me. “Not if it doesn't bother you, of course not. As long as you're happy, I am.”

I nodded and gently scooted him off my lap. “I gotta pee, come on. Get off.”

Frank chuckled, moving out of the way and leaning on Pansy instead. I got up and headed into the bathroom, tugging down my pajama pants and boxers. My heart stopped for a second and I stared, completely forgetting I needed to pee. Frank knocked on the door.

“Baby, I gotta go too, can you let me in?”

I opened the door and Frank stood there for a second. “Gerard...baby, I can smell blood. Is everything okay?”

Emotion finally came back to me and I sniffed. “I d-don't know..”

He hurried over to me, touching my cheek lightly. “Baby, what's going on? Do I need to call an ambulance?”

“I th-think so..” I mumbled, starting to shake as Frank hugged me. “H-help..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting three chapters today and two tomorrow so the story finishes on the same day on both websites I have it on. It ruins some of the suspense and whatever, but I'd really like to get organized so the new story I post will be on the same chapters on MCRFF and here. I will post the first chapter of the new story on the same day as I post the last chapter of this one and I will leave the title in the notes for chapter 21, in case you guys are interested.  
> ~Logan


	19. Silver

_~Frank~_

I buried my face in Gerard’s chest, hugging him tightly as he slept. I was still crying softly, despite Mikey's best efforts to comfort me. He was rubbing my back gently as I clung to Gerard, shaking. I felt the man under me shift and he groaned softly. I sat up immediately, rubbing his chest. “H-hey b-baby..”

Mikey moved to the other side of the bed, and I could hear him stroking Gerard’s hair.

My boyfriend shifted again, and I could feel his gaze on me. “Frankie...why are you crying?”

His voice was flat and emotionless, and I guessed he already knew the answer.

“W-we l-lost the baby..” I mumbled, grabbing at his hand. He jerked it away from me quickly, then shoved Mikey away from him.

“I want everyone out.”

“Geebear, I'm not leaving-”

“Get the fuck out.”

He hadn't raised his voice, but it was full of rage and despair.

“Gerard, we can't leave you, we’re your family and we should be here,” Mikey said softly.

“Everyone needs to get out. Right fucking now!”

Gerard shouted the last part and I flinched away, a fresh round of tears pouring down my cheeks as I got up and scurried away, letting the door shut behind me. I kept going, half running down the halls, hugging myself. I heard quick footsteps behind me and Mikey wrapped an arm around my waist, tugging me to a stop. “Frank, come on..”

I tried to push him away, shaking as I sobbed.

“Shh, Frankie. You need to calm down a little. And we need to stay near Gerard’s room. Come on. Walk back with me.”

I finally gave in, following Mikey to a small bench. He sat me down and hugged me tightly, rubbing my back slowly. “Everything will be okay, Frankie. Gerard just needs some time to process on his own, and maybe you guys will try again sometime. I know it hurts and I know you're sad, but one day it'll be better.”

“Y-you have n-no idea how I f-feel,” I snapped, getting up and walking down the hall. I touched each door, running my fingers over the numbers until I found Gerard’s door. I opened it carefully, slipping inside. I could hear sobbing, loud and pained and full of agony. I walked towards the sound, finding Gerard curled up on the floor, his back against the wall and his arms wrapped around his knees. I knelt down next to him, hugging him carefully. He leaned into me, his body jerking with each heavy sob. I ran my fingers through his hair over and over, struggling to breathe. Gerard was moaning quietly in between each sob, his voice broken and desolate. I pulled him closer to me, nuzzling him in what I hoped was a comforting way. I heard the door open and Mikey stepped in hesitantly. He walked over and crouched down, brushing Gerard’s hair out of his face. “Guys...the doctor says you both can go home...do you want me to drive you?”

I nodded quickly. “I think that's a good idea, Mikey. Thank you..”

He kissed my cheek. “No problem. Gee, did you hear that?”

Gerard nodded slightly and I dried his cheeks with my sleeve. “Let's get you home, baby.”

Mikey stood up. “I'll go get a wheelchair and we’ll head out.”

 ~

Mikey ran a hand over my back as Gerard made a dash for the bedroom. I stood there for a couple seconds, a pit in my stomach.

“He’ll be okay, Frankie. Your best is enough. But it might take some time, yeah? Grief is a long process.”

I nodded slightly, rubbing my eyes. “I can't feel anything.”

“Maybe that's for the best right now,” Mikey said kindly, squeezing my shoulder. “I'm gonna go, but remember that I'm only five minutes away, yeah? I'm here for you guys. And Mum...she's at work right now, but when she gets home, she's gonna come see you guys.”

I nodded, gently pushing him away. “We’ll be okay.”

Mikey sighed. “Okay.”

The door clicked shut behind him and I walked down the corridor quietly. I opened the door and walked to the bed. Gerard was curled up, holding something against his chest. Pansy was laying on the bed next to him, and whined when I walked in. I stroked Gerard's side slowly. “What's that, baby?”

“The pictures,” he murmured in a hollow voice. “From the ultrasound.”

I nearly started crying again, but stopped myself. “Let's get you out of this shitty gown..” I said softly, trying to sound cheerful as I started to untie the strings. “How about I run you a nice bath and we have a cuddle?”

“How the fuck are you okay with this? We lost our baby today,” Gerard snapped, slapping my hands away. I sighed quietly, continuing what I had been doing.

“I'm not, Gee. I'm falling apart, but I'm trying to be strong for you. You need me right now, baby. I'm just trying to be a good boyfriend.”

He hesitated. “You're a great boyfriend,” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes. “I'm sorry I'm a shitty one.”

“No, no, no,” I soothed, carefully pulling the gown away from his body. “You're a great boyfriend too, I know how much I'm hurting, and I know you feel worse. I understand, sweetie. I'm not taking any of this personally. I know I need to be patient.”

“You're a fucking saint, Frankie.”

I smiled and leaned down, kissing his cheek. “No, I just love you a lot.”

Gerard shifted, and I dried the tears off his cheeks as they came. “I said I wanted you to marry me someday. I want that day to be soon, Frankie. I wanted to propose to you romantically and for it to be cute...but I need to ask you now. Will you-”

“Yes,” I said calmly, standing back slightly and slipping my shirt off. “Yes, of course. I love you.”

I kicked my jeans away and gently helped Gerard to his feet as he started to cry again. I walked him to the bathroom, sitting him down on the closed toilet as I leaned over and turned the tap on. “I love you more than anything, Gerard. I know it doesn't feel possible right now...but we’ll get through this. We’re stronger together.”

I took his hand, wrapping my pinky around his. “Promise we’ll do this together?”

“Promise,” Gerard rasped, trembling ever so slightly.

I smiled and kissed his cheek lovingly, lingering for a couple seconds. “Why don't you get in? I'm gonna go fetch something.”

He got up and I walked into the kitchen, opening the freezer and tugging out the ice cream. It was Gerard’s go-to comfort item, and although I knew ice cream wouldn't fix the hole inside his heart, it would certainly make him feel a little better. I grabbed two spoons from the drawer and walked back to the bathroom. Gerard had turned the tap off.

“Come get in..” He mumbled. I smiled sadly and handed him the tub and the spoons. “Here.”

I got in carefully, sitting in my usual place between his legs. He ripped the top off the ice cream and gave me one of the spoons back, holding the tub where I could get to it easily. I leaned back against his chest, stroking the outside of one of his thighs. “We’re gonna be okay.”

 ~

Gerard and I were curled up on the couch in our pajamas when Donna walked in. She had a spare key in case of emergencies. Pansy barked a couple times, but soon ran back to us, curling up in her bed. Gerard didn't move from his spot. I was sat next to the arm, Gerard's back against my chest and his head resting in the crook of my neck, a blanket over him. I stroked his hair slowly, working out a couple tangles gently as Donna walked into the living room, setting one of the kitchen chairs down in front of the couch.

“Hey Gee.”

She sat down and Gerard grunted sleepily.

I sighed and gave her a small, sad smile.

“Gee, honey. I know how you feel,” Donna said quietly, earning a scornful snort from Gerard, which she ignored expertly. “I miscarried as well. After I had you, your father and I...we had another child on the way. I miscarried at fifteen weeks. That's why we split up, because we couldn't get through the grief. And that's why you and Mikey have a fairly large age gap. I didn't want to try again…not for a long time.”

She sighed and Gerard curled up tighter, clinging to my arm.

“What I'm trying to say, Gee, is that I understand your pain. I've been through it. And I'm here if you need me.”

Gerard looked up at me and I understood immediately, getting up carefully. “I'll be in the other room,” I said gently, leaning down and kissing Gerard briefly. I wandered into the bedroom and laid down on the bed, Pansy jumping up and curling up against my side. I stroked her slowly, staring into the black void.

I had finally managed to feel excited about our child. I'd finally managed to feel ready to have a child. I had wanted that kid. I'd imagined Gerard and I as fathers, taking our daughter to the beach and making dinner for her. And now all that was gone. I knew Gerard wouldn't try again. I'm not sure how I knew, but I knew he wouldn't want to be pregnant again. That future of us that I’d imagined over and over was gone, along with the new life we'd made together, the baby that had come from our love and our intense passion for one another.

Pansy licked my cheek and I sighed, rolling onto my side to hug her. I buried my face in her warm fur and started to cry, trembling all over.

After a couple minutes, the door swung open and I sat up quickly, drying my eyes.

Donna walked over to me, sitting on the edge of the bed quietly. “I'm so proud of you, Frank. I was so worried...you're only eighteen and you're handling this so well. You're there for my son and you're helping him more than you know. But I know you need space to feel sad. Mikey will always be there for you, Frank. And I'll be here for Gerard. You two aren't alone in this, and you'll get through it together, just like Gerard says. He's devastated, but he’ll be back fairly soon. Just be patient.”

I nodded slightly, stroking Pansy’s back slowly. “I don't want him hurt.”

“I know, Frank. And it's scary to see someone so upset.”

I looked down, sighing quietly. “I just want to lay with him and do nothing for weeks.”

“That's okay. Don't rush getting back to your routine. But whatever you do, try to do it with him. He needs support and so do you.”

~ 

Gerard was whimpering in his sleep, his hands trembling. I cuddled up to him, kissing his cheeks. He usually calmed down if I touched him when he was having a nightmare, but this time, he didn't. I sighed and very gently shook him awake, kissing him softly.

“F-Frankie?”

I smiled sadly and stroked his cheek, gently drawing him closer to me. “I'm here. Shh. I'm here.”

He buried his face in my neck and I ran my fingers through his hair slowly. “Do you wanna talk about it?” I asked softly, letting him cling to me as his arm slid around my waist. He shook his head slightly and I sighed, kissing his cheek. “Okay. Do you wanna get up and get a drink or anything? Watch some tv? Get your mind off it?”

He shook his head again. “I just want to lay here with you. I have to work tomorrow.”

I frowned and pulled him closer to me. “Why? Can't they give you some time off?”

Gerard sighed and shook his head again. “No, they're already short staffed tomorrow and they need me. Starting the day after, I get two days off.”

“I guess that’s something,” I mumbled, hugging him tighter. “I’m sorry, Geebear.”  
He nuzzled my neck gently, kissing my skin softly. “Don’t be. It’ll take my mind off things at the very least.”

 ~

Gerard got home around four that afternoon, walking into the bedroom where I was working at my desk, and simply collapsing on the bed. “You okay, baby?” I asked without looking up from what I was doing.

“M’fine,” he mumbled, and I heard him rolling over as Pansy jumped up next to him.

“Lemme just finish this sentence, then we can chat.”

I finished typing and got up, tidying my books away carefully before climbing onto the bed with Gerard, rubbing his shoulder gently. He grabbed me, pulling me closer to him. I smiled and pressed my chest to his, my body at an angle so I could rest my legs on the bed.

“How was your day, Geebear?” I booped his nose with my finger and he batted my hand away grumpily.

“Exhausting. And of course some lady had to give birth in the fucking ER today. Luckily I didn’t have to deal with it..”  
I frowned and stroked his hair away from his face slowly. “I’m so sorry, baby. Are you okay?”  
He shrugged and wrapped his arms around my waist tightly. “I’m better now I’m home. I saw Mum on my lunch break, too, and I think I know what I wanna do now.”

I rested my hands on his cheeks, my thumbs against his cheekbones. “What do you mean, Gee?”

“I mean I wanna get bottom surgery..”

I frowned again, but brushed my thumbs over Gerard’s cheeks lovingly. “Are you sure? I mean...what if we want to try again sometime?”

He sighed softly, rubbing my back slowly. “I’m going to get some eggs stored, baby. Just in case. But I don’t think I can...I can’t go through that again.”

I nodded and smiled at him in what I hoped was an encouraging way. “Okay. Sounds like a plan, Geebear. I’m not really sure how all that works, but it sounds like you have it figured out. But I think maybe we should just wait a while, yeah? Maybe don’t book any surgeries and that...I think we should try and get through all of this..” I waved a hand vaguely. “First, y’know? We need to be happy and settled and ready for some more change.”

Gerard nodded slightly, stroking my hair slowly. “I think you’re right. I have an appointment to get those eggs stored next week, but I’m not gonna make any more appointments for a while.”  
I smiled and kissed his jaw. “I’ll be here and ready to support you when you’re ready, okay?”

He grinned and brushed his fingers over my cheek, but I could feel them trembling. “I know, little one.”

“You’re crying again,” I mumbled, brushing the tears off his cheeks. “Why are you crying?”

Gerard sighed and hugged me again. “I’m crying because you’re amazing and sweet and kind and more than I deserve. I’ve had such a long day, baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come home and cry at you.”

I chuckled and sat up slightly. “It’s alright, Geebear. Really. I did all my crying while you were out so I’d be alright when you got home. Let’s go order some dinner or something, I’m really hungry. And then maybe we can watch a movie. Does that sound good?”  
Gerard frowned and ran his hand through my still too short hair. “You know you don’t have to be okay for me, right? We’re getting through this together, and you don’t have to be strong.”

I nodded slightly. “But if I’m sad, then you’ll feel like you have to be strong because you always do and then everything falls apart. It’s not good.”  
He sighed and sat up, gently rolling me off him. “I know. I just feel bad.”

I sat up next to him, kissing his cheek quickly. “Don’t feel bad, we’re dealing with this together but also in our own ways.” I got up and kissed him softly. “Come on, I’m really hungry..”

Gerard groaned and gently pulled me back towards him. “I nearly forgot. I got you something today, sit down.”  
I frowned, but did as I was told. Gerard got up, rummaging around in his bag before standing in front of me. “Here.” I held my hand out and he placed a small box on my palm. “Open it.”

I blinked, but opened the box carefully, feeling around inside. The cold metal brushed my fingertips and I bit my lip.  
“I ordered it a while ago, and it came in today...you said yes, so..”

I grinned, taking the ring out of the box and slipping it onto my finger carefully. “Thank you, Geebear. I’m sure it’s beautiful..”

He chuckled and stroked my hair slowly. “Touch it, Frankie.”

I ran my finger over the surface of the ring, feeling four raised dots. Gerard shifted, suddenly seeming nervous. “It’s Braille, for G, with diamonds,” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes. “Was it a stupid idea?”

I sniffed and rubbed my own eyes quickly, shaking my head. “N-no...I love it..” I mumbled, lifting my head slightly. “It’s perfect..”

He hugged me tightly, lifting me up and holding me against his chest. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, kissing him deeply and happily. He carried me to the living room, gently setting me down on the couch and sitting next to me. Gerard kissed my cheek softly, pulling me close to him. “I have a matching one, but it’s got F on it..”

I giggled and hugged him tightly, nuzzling his shoulder. “That’s perfect, Gee, thank you,” I murmured, leaning up and kissing his cheek softly. “I love you, so much.”

“I love you too, beautiful.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I could do with a hand because I'm trying to choose which story I'd like to put up after this one.  
> I have fifteen chapters of one but I'm starting to run out of ideas for it, and lose interest in it already, so I'm toying with a different idea I haven't started yet. So I'll give a short description of each and maybe you could comment and give me an idea of which you'd rather see? It would help me a lot if you wouldn't mind.
> 
> ~ 1: The 15 chapter one is a two part fic, the first 10 chapters are in high school, the other 5 I have so far are 10 years on, about a kid who lives with very homophobic parents and insists he's straight (Frank) and another very gay kid who lives with abuse and neglect etc (Gerard) and their interaction. It deals a lot more with rape and abuse and trust, as well as some anorexia.
> 
> ~ 2: The new one would be another high school story about being intersex and non-binary as well as sexuality and love. It might stretch into some eating disorders and rape, with a little bit of abuse, as I do work with those themes a lot, but I'm aiming to try and make it a little more realistic and slow-moving and a bit more deep. I need to do some research and a little more development on this one but I will try and start it tonight and think about getting it going and exploring the idea some more.
> 
> So let me know what you think you might be interested in (if either of these) and if you have any suggestions or ideas, please give me those as well! I love to hear feedback and comments from my readers :) I don't bite.  
> Logan


	20. Baby Blue

_ ~Gerard~ _

It had been a month since my trip to the hospital. Frank had hidden the ultrasound pictures from me somewhere, and as long as I kept busy, I was doing okay. Both of us were. We’d gone out with Mikey for dinner, as he’d just passed his first set of exams. He was happy, talking freely and excitedly about university life and his classes. 

By the time he stopped for breath, Frank was tense next to me, his fingers trembling as he held my hand. He was still sensitive about university, although he’d come to accept that he could go next year. I kissed his cheek and changed the subject. 

“Frankie, did you show Mikey that present I got you yet?” I grinned, squeezing his hand. Frank giggled and shook his head, holding out his right hand. 

Mikey’s eyes widened and he stared at me. “Really? Are you serious?” 

Frank frowned and nodded slightly. “Yeah, he asked and I said yes.” 

“Jesus, Gerard. You’ve only been together for like seven months, what the fuck were you thinking?” 

I rolled my eyes and wrapped an arm around Frank’s waist tightly. “We’ve been through a lot together, Mikey,” I pointed out calmly. “And it’s not like we’re planning a wedding. It was just taking our relationship to another level.”   
“Mhm,” Frank cut in, smiling up at me. “We’re not gonna get married anytime soon, just...one day. Anyway, how are things with Ray?” He added viciously, turning to face Mikey. 

I laughed to myself silently as Mikey went bright red. “Uh...fine.”

“Good, I’m glad,” Frank said firmly, pointedly. I smiled to myself, squeezing his hand. Frank did not need protecting. He rested his head on my shoulder, looking up at me lovingly. I kissed his forehead and Mikey rolled his eyes. 

“Get a room.” 

Frank chuckled and I ran my fingers through his hair slowly. “Actually, Mikey, we should get going soon,” I hummed, glancing at the clock. “I have an early shift and we ought to get to bed fairly early.”    
Mikey nodded slightly. “Ray’s picking me up, so I’ll text him and let him know you’re heading out. I’ll see you guys soon.”    
I nodded and got up, gently helping Frank out of the booth. He tripped on the step down and fell against my chest, giggling. Mikey laughed and I rolled my eyes. “Come on, you. Let’s get you home, you’re clearly drunk.” 

 ~

I was running Frank a bath when I heard his phone ring, answering it for him quickly. “Hello, is this Frank Iero?” 

I cleared my throat, walking out of the bathroom to find Frank. “No, it’s his fiance, who is this?”    
“This is Doctor Sitkowski, from the eye department at the hospital, I might have some good news from Mr. Iero’s last test.”    
I frowned slightly. “Wasn’t that a year ago?” 

“Yes, it was.”    
I found Frank at last, fiddling with something in the kitchen. I tapped his shoulder. 

“Here, I’ll pass you over.” 

I handed the phone to Frank and watched him. He started out looking confused, then even more confused, followed by amazement, and then elation. He hung up and stared at me. “What’s up, Frankie?” I asked when it became apparent that he wasn’t going to tell me without being prompted. 

He took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. His smile dropped away and he seemed worried. “There’s an experimental surgery...and um...he thinks that it could, y’know...bring my sight back.” 

I blinked and shook my head. “I don’t understand, Frankie, why do you look so upset?” 

He sighed and ducked his head, shuffling his feet. “I d-don’t know...fuck, I just…”    
I gently took his hand, pulling him towards me. “Come sit down and we can talk about this properly. Please don’t cry, little one. Please.”

Frank followed me to the couch and I tugged him down into my lap, wrapping my arms around him quickly. “What’re you thinking?” I murmured, stroking his hair as he leaned against me, his eyes closed. 

“Gee...I just...it’s a part of me, y’know? Of who I am..” 

I nodded slightly and kissed his cheek. “I think I understand. I may want to be a guy, but that doesn’t mean I want to be cis, right?”   
Frank giggled and rolled his eyes at me. “You  _ are _ a guy, Gerard.”    
“Mm, you know what I mean.”    
He kissed my jaw and smiled slightly. “I know. But on the other hand, I’d love to be able to see you and talk to you like...face to face. I’m just...so scared..” 

I pulled him closer to me, leaning back against the sofa. “What of? I’ll love you the same no matter what, Mikey will love you, Pansy will love you...nothing will change, not really.”   
“I’ve got to learn to do things differently again,” he pointed out quietly, sighing softly. 

I shrugged and stroked his hair slowly. “I think it’ll come fairly naturally, love. I don’t think you have anything to worry about, Frankie. It’s about what you want, yeah? Do you want to be able to see again?”

Frank shifted in my lap. “I guess most people would say yes immediately..”

I nodded and pressed a kiss to his temple. “That doesn’t mean you have to.”

He smiled brightly. “I know, baby. But I think I do. If I turned it down and never got to see your face and then got cancer again or something horrible, I’d regret it. I don’t want any regrets.”   
I rolled my eyes. “That was really morbid, but okay.”

Frank frowned suddenly and sighed. “It doesn’t matter anyway.”

I blinked, brushing the backs of my fingers over his cheek. “Why do you say that?”

He shrugged, turning his head away. “We can’t afford it, not with your surgery as well, and you’ve already booked that.”   
“But I could-”    
“No,” Frank said firmly, putting a hand on my chest and smiling at me. “You deserve your surgery, Geebear. You’ve booked it already and you really do deserve it. I’ll be okay.”    
I stared at him, fighting to keep my emotions under control. 

_ He would give up the chance to see again for you to be happy. _

It made me angry, it made me sad, and it made me happy. I was angry because I wasn’t worth it, I wasn’t worth him giving up so much. I was sad because he thought I was, it was sad that he was so infatuated with me that he’d give up that much for me. But it made me more happy than angry or sad, because I loved him, and the fact that he loved me made me feel like I could take on the world. It may have been cheesy and stupid, but he’d given me so much already, and I couldn’t let him give me this. 

 ~

About a week later, I handed the envelope to Frank. “It’s from the hospital, baby.” 

I walked into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. A few minutes later I heard him swearing to himself and he marched into the kitchen. 

“Gerard!” 

“Mhm?” 

He slapped me across the face, barely hard enough to hurt. “What the fuck?” He was crying already, as he waved the paper in my face, so I simply pulled him into a hug. “I canceled my surgery, sweetie. I want you to have this. They’re only offering once, and I have a lifetime to sort myself out. Please Frankie.”    
Frank hit my chest lightly with his fist, growling. “I h-hate you!”    
I chuckled and dried the tears off his cheeks gently. “Why’s that?”   
“Because I wanted you to be happy..”

I frowned and lifted him up carefully, hugging him as he wrapped his legs around my waist. “This will make me happy, too,” I murmured, stroking his hair slowly. “Seeing you happy  _ always _ makes me happy.”

Frank buried his face in my neck, sighing loudly. “I’m sorry, Gee.”   
“For what?”   
“Acting dumb...I just...you shouldn’t have.”   
I smiled and rubbed his back slowly. “I know. But I did. What did the letter say?”    
Frank grinned against my neck, humming softly. “It said my surgery is next Thursday and I shouldn’t eat for twenty four hours or drink for two before. That’s all.” 

I set him down on his feet again, pouring him a mug of coffee. “Okay. You know there’s a chance…”    
Frank nodded slightly, taking the mug I offered him. “I know. It might not work, but I’m willing to try.”

“Me too.”

 ~

Frank was whining at me through the bathroom door. “Are you done yet?”   
I chuckled and rolled my eyes. “Nope. Go watch some tv or something.” 

“Boring.” 

“You are so annoying,” I grinned as I combed the last section of red dye through my hair. “I’m coming soon, I promise. Just don’t touch me or you’ll get red all over you.”    
I stretched the cap over my head and wiped the excess dye off my skin. 

“I’m hungry!” 

“Well, you can’t have anything Frankie, I’m sorry,” I said more gently, wiping down the bathroom sink. “I’m gonna come keep you company while the dye’s on, okay?”    
“Hurry up..”    
I sighed and opened the door, kissing his forehead. “Alright, let’s go cuddle.”    
I walked with him to the couch, sitting down and smiling as he curled up half in my lap. “Are you nervous about tomorrow?”    
Frank shook his head, snuggling up to me. “Not really. I think I’ll be more nervous when it’s over.”   
I nodded, stroking his hair slowly. “Yeah, cause you have to wait a while for the bandages to come off.”    
He sighed softly and hugged my arm, staring ahead of him. “That’s gonna be the worst part.” 

“I know, but I’ll be there and you might sleep through some of it.” 

“True. I’m honestly tired like right now.”   
I chuckled as he yawned, pulling him closer to me. “Then sleep. You can have a power nap.”

 ~

I shook my hair out, brushing it as I started to blow dry it carefully. Frank was watching tv in the living room, so I had plenty of time to get myself ready. I left my hair slightly damp, brushing it one more time and running my fingers through it before looking in the mirror. There were still dark circles under my eyes and my lips were as chapped as usual. “Fuck,” I muttered, grabbing a bag from one of the dresser drawers. I rummaged through it, finally finding my concealer and dabbing some under my eyes carefully. I glanced at the clock. I had to drive Frank to the hospital in just over fifteen minutes. I swallowed nervously and hurried to my closet, grabbing a pair of grey jeans. They were Frank’s favorite of mine, as they had textured seams on them that he liked to run his fingers over. That part was easy. I dug all the way back in my closet, trying to find something to wear on top. “Fuck, fuck..”    
I wanted his first time seeing me to be amazing. I wanted him to think I was handsome. Maybe it was stupid, but part of me was so afraid that he’d take one look at me and leave. 

My fingers were shaking as I finally found the smart black button up, and it took me an extra couple of minutes to do up the buttons. I threw my leather jacket on top and tugged my shoes on before hurrying out to Frank. “Baby...we gotta go..”    
He groaned and got up from the sofa sleepily, rubbing his eyes. 

“Come on,” I mumbled, sighing as I helped him with his shoes. “You get to have a nice long nap soon.” 

“Gee..”    
“Mhm?” I grabbed my keys off the side, then handed Frank his coat. 

“You smell different today.”    
“It’s probably the hair dye,” I muttered, gently dragging him out of the apartment. 

“No..” Frank stopped, digging his heels in. “You put cologne on. I don’t like it.”    
I closed my eyes for a couple seconds. “Baby, if I go and wash it off, we’re gonna be late. How about I sort myself out while you’re in surgery? Sound good?”

He sighed and took a step forward. “Okay.”    
I relaxed and wrapped an arm around his waist. “I’m sorry about that, Frankie.”    
“It’s okay..”    
I lifted him into the car and he buckled his seatbelt as I got in. “I love you, y’know.”    
He smiled at me. “I love you too. And I know you’re nervous. It’s kind of cute.” 

I sighed as I pulled out of the parking lot. “Whatever.”    
He leaned over, rubbing my leg gently. “Geebear, there’s no need to be nervous. I promise.” 

I didn’t reply, turning onto the freeway. 

“Gee...I hate it when you don’t answer me.” 

I rubbed my eye uncomfortably. “Look, I know there’s no real reason to be nervous, but I can’t help it. Don’t worry about me, please? I’ll be okay.” 

Frank smiled sadly, brushing the backs of his fingers over my arm. “Okay, Gee. I wish you could come in with me for this one.”    
I chuckled and took my hand off the wheel to hold his. “I don’t think I’d be much use this time. And you won’t really know.” 

He shrugged and lifted my hand to his lips, kissing my fingers softly. “It makes me feel better beforehand.”    
I nodded, squeezing his hand gently as I turned into the hospital parking lot. “There’s nothing to worry about, baby. I promise.” 

 ~

I watched the nurse inject the anesthetic into Frank’s drip, holding his hand tightly. “I’m gonna wait right here for you, Frankie. Your surgery should be about three hours long, and then a couple hours for the bandages to come off, I think. Okay?”    
Frank smiled sleepily, nodding slightly. “Okay, Geebear. I’ll see you on the other side.” 

“Hopefully,” I chuckled, kissing his forehead. “Close your eyes, little one. I’ll be here waiting for you.”    
He closed his eyes obediently and I watched his smile fade as his breathing slowed and he fell asleep peacefully. 

I kissed his forehead and stepped out of the room quietly. I stood back as they wheeled the bed out of the room, and waited, watching them take Frank down the halls. Then I headed back to my car slowly. Fifteen minutes home, ten minutes to wash off the cologne, fifteen minutes back. Then I'd have just over two hours to kill. I sighed to myself, tugging my keys out of my pocket.


	21. Red

_ ~Frank~ _

I felt the bandages around my eyes as I shifted, groaning softly. I had a slight headache and felt horribly groggy. I lifted a hand, running my fingers over the bandages. 

“Leave them,” Gerard said softly, stroking my arm slowly. “You feel okay?”

I nodded slightly. “Headachy..”

“That's okay. The doctor said that would be normal, yeah? Everything else feel okay?”

I sighed softly and stretched, yawning. “Mhm. I'm thirsty.”

“I'll go get you a water from the vending machine. You've got two hours to kill.”

I smiled humorlessly. “Yay. I already hate it.”

I heard him leave the room quietly and rolled onto my sides, fiddling with the drip leads. One of them wasn't in properly and it was bugging me. 

The door clicked again and Gerard sighed. “Don't fiddle with that, baby.”

I frowned and turned my head towards him. “The needle is falling out..”

He kissed my forehead and raised the bed to help me sit up, then took the tape off my elbow. “Crap, you're right.”

He carefully pushed the needle back in and redid the tape. “Is that better?”

I nodded and smiled at him. “I love you, Geebear.”

Gerard chuckled softly and uncapped the water bottle, handing it to me. “I love you too, little one. Are you excited?”

“And nervous.” I took a drink from the bottle, then handed it back to him carefully. “Thanks.”

“You're welcome, love. Do you want the tv on?”

I nodded slightly. “That might be nice. Some background noise. A cuddle would also be welcomed.”

Gerard chuckled and got up, turning the tv on before gently pushing me over and getting into bed next to me. “C’mere then..” I snuggled up to him, resting my head in the crook of his neck comfortably as he wrapped his arms around me tightly. “I'm so glad you're here, Gee.”

He ran his fingers through my hair slowly. “I'm glad I am too. Do you feel like you want another nap?”

I nodded again, kissing his neck softly. “I'm getting sleepy again.”

“Then rest,” Gerard murmured, cradling my head against him carefully. 

 ~

I could hear people talking. 

“He’ll be scared, I think,” Gerard said quietly. 

“We’ll introduce everything slowly, so he has time to adjust. As long as you're there, I think he'll be just fine,” Doctor Sitkowski answered in a low tone. 

I shifted and Gerard grabbed my hand quickly. “Hey baby.”

“Hi Gee,” I murmured, touching the bandages lightly. “Can I have these off now?”

“Yes, you've had them on for two hours, you should be alright.”

“Are you ready?” Gerard asked softly, stroking my cheek. I nodded quickly and he chuckled, starting to unwind the bandages slowly, his fingers shaking. He was careful as the bandages peeled away from my eyes, and he gently wiped my eyes with a damp cloth. “There ya go..”

The doctor gently moved Gerard out of the way, squeezing my shoulder. “You can open your eyes, Frank.”

I opened my eyes slowly and my heart sank. “It's just black,” I whimpered softly. Gerard snorted. “The lights are off, Frankie.” 

The doctor chuckled and I felt the blush rising as Sitkowski leaned over me, starting to turn the lights up just slightly. My eyes widened and I grinned, looking down at my hands. It wasn't very clear at all, but I could see a light blob in front of me. “I can see..” I mumbled, starting to tremble slightly. 

I heard running footsteps suddenly and the door slammed. Sitkowski sighed. “I'm sorry, Frank, Gerard just ran out. Would you like me to go get him?”

I sighed, looking down at my lap. “N-no, it's fine. I think he's just nervous.”

The doctor chuckled. “I think I would be too..”

I frowned slightly, looking up at the blob standing next to me. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that you're incredibly handsome, Frank,” he grinned, rubbing my shoulder. “Anyway, let's get on with it. Your sight will take a little while to clear, so I'm just going to turn the light up a little at a time. Can you see color yet?”

“Only really faintly,” I mumbled, blinking a few times as the light got brighter. The doctor held up a card. 

“That's red,” I said confidently, then felt a tug on my heartstrings. “Excuse me, but is my engagement ring there?”

The doctor handed me my ring carefully and I slipped it on, rubbing over the four dots nervously. 

“Green.”

Things were starting to come into focus more now, I could make out the shape of my hand and my fingers, and I could see the lines of the doctor’s coat and scrubs. 

He held up another card. “Yellow.”

“Good, well done..” He turned the light up again and I blinked a few more times. I could see the doctor’s face now, and even make out his smile. He held up another card and I blinked again. 

“That says hello.”

“Well done, Frank. Keep blinking, it helps regain that focus. You're doing perfectly.”

I shifted and sniffed slightly. “Where's Gerard..?”

Sitkowski sighed and squeezed my shoulder. “Let's get through all of this and then I'll bring him in, okay?”

I nodded and he turned the light up a little more. 

“That's almost daylight now, okay?” 

He held up a card with smaller writing. “Take your time.” 

I blinked again and again, squinting at it. After a couple minutes, I smiled. “Elephant.”

“Perfect. Try this one.”

Another card with even smaller writing. “Giraffe.”

“Yep. One more.”

I stared at it for a while, then bit my lip. “Lion.”

“Perfect, Frank. One more time turning up the light.”

I stared at the doctor as he flicked a switch. I could see his blue eyes now, his pale skin, and his short black hair. His tie was yellow and purple, his shirt a cream color. I looked down at my hands. I could see the little hairs now and the ring on my finger. I grinned and looked up. Sitkowski was smiling as well. “You're doing so well, Frank. I'm going to go through a regular eye test with you in a week, okay? You may need glasses, but you should adjust fairly well. I'm going to go through a few more cards with you now, okay?”

I nodded and he pulled out another set, this time with pictures. “That's a cat,” I smiled, letting my head lean back on the pillows. 

“This one?”

“A dog,” I murmured, staring at the smaller picture. 

“This one?”

“Rabbit.”

“And?”

“Horse.”

The doctor grinned and squeezed my shoulder again. “All perfect, Frank. I'll go and fetch your fiancé, okay?”

I nodded and curled up, hugging my knees. I was keeping the emotion down for now, focusing on looking at everything. I knew if I let go, I'd start to cry, and then I wouldn't be able to see anything anyway.

The door opened and Gerard was shoved through, his head bowed as the door closed behind him. His bright red hair hung down, hiding his face from me. His shoulders were hunched and his arms folded across his chest as he stood there, trembling.

“Geebear?” 

He jumped, but didn't look up. 

“Come here, please? I love you, Gee. I love your hair. It's so pretty.”

He shrugged and I sniffed, struggling with the urge to cry. “Gee..” I begged softly. “Please baby, please. I just want a cuddle.”

He must have heard the thickness of my voice and realized I was about to cry, as he shuffled over to the bed, taking my hand carefully. He lifted his head at last, brushing his hair back from his face. My eyes widened and I gasped quietly. 

Gerard's eyes and cheeks were red from crying, but there was a tiny, defiant smile on his lips. His slightly upturned nose suited his round face beautifully, and his eyes were a rich, deep hazel. For me, it was like looking at the face of God. 

“Fuck, you're fucking stunning,” I managed after almost a full minute of just staring. “I'm fucking lucky.”

His eyes softened as a smile spread across his face and he laughed, ducking down and scooping me up in his arms. “God, I was so fucking scared..” He mumbled, squeezing me tightly as I hugged back, running my fingers through his hair as tears blurred my vision. 

“You're so much more beautiful than I'd imagined,” I said softly, playing with the hairs on the back of his neck. “I fucking love you, Gerard Way.”

“I fucking love you too, Frank Iero.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's probably the most cute and sappy ending I've ever written, but I like it.  
> I could do with some more feedback about the next story to put up, thank you nobutigotcheesewhiz for the help :)  
> I want to try to have the next story up tomorrow or by the end of the day today and I'd really like maybe one more person to help me out if you can.  
> Thanks guys and I hope you enjoyed the ending!  
> Logan


End file.
